Graham Edwin: The Birth Story

If you remember, I was very frustrated with how this pregnancy was going. I had agreed to an induction, but was getting denied the opportunity to go into the hospital. They kept telling me to call in, and every time they would say, call back in a couple hours. It was mentally draining. I was struggling with the concept. I shed many, many tears. My sleep was interrupted on Wednesday, as they told me to call in at 6 am, 9 am, and 11 am. Finally, at 11 am they gave me a check in time of 1 pm. If they didn't call me before then.

Finally relief! I showered, packed up our stuff, and we were on our way.

The issue: the hospital went "live" with electronic charting and orders on the Saturday before, so everything in the hospital was slower than normal. (And, I assume, the staffing ratios were even more important to keep low, since the nurses had a lot of new stuff to watch out for.)

We were checked into our room, and an hour later I received the first dose of cytotec, a pill. Cytotec is used to start labor by softening the cervix. After talking with the nurse about my first labor and delivery, she told me that Riley's birth was also an induction. I never considered that, since my water spontaneously broke. However, since contractions needed help to really get started, with cytotec, it was considered an induction.

I was given my first dose at 2:45pm. It is given every 3 hours. I had to be monitored for 1 hour after taking it, but then was allowed to walk and leave the floor. It was nice to be able to walk around and feel like a normal person. Unfortunately, the cytotec didn't do much as far as changing my cervix. I was at 1-2cm when I arrived at the hospital, and after 2 doses, I was at a 2. My contractions were irregular, and mostly mild. At 11 pm the new night nurse came in to meet me. She said that the midwife was on her way in, and we would find out if I would be staying in the hospital or going home.

I was not too excited to hear this. She said sometimes cytotec doesn't work, and mothers can go home for a couple days until labor starts. I was ready to put up a fight. Sure, my contractions weren't regular. But I wasn't always comfortable. How would I know to come back in?

So, I was left to labor for a while as we waited for the midwife to come. It was 1245 before I saw my nurse again. I still hadn't seen a midwife, but my contractions were still there. Irregular, but there. My nurse tells me that the midwife says I get to stay. And she is going to start me on pitocin. So she had to start an IV.

The first attempt was painful, and unfortunately she wasn't successful. I was praying that her second attempt would be a success, because I didn't want to go all "nurse" on her. The cannulas they use feel like they are as big as a drinking straw, I swear! The second IV was just as painful, but it was a success. So, she started up the pitocin. I was a bit nervous. Pitocin makes the contractions more regular, but they are unnatural. Now, I was supposed to stay on the monitor, which meant I was supposed to stay in bed. The contractions really started picking up. For me at least. They were quite painful. All I wanted to do was get up and move. My nurse, when she was in there, was very helpful in telling me to let the contractions be. My gut reaction was to tighten and fight the contractions. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, so I would walk the short distance to the bathroom.

I had the typical bowel movement, and I began realizing I was starting labor. But I was trying to be quiet about it. I felt like the monitor was showing mild contractions, and if I was whining about them I was just being a baby. So I tried to be as quiet and stoic about them as possible.

But eventually I wore down. I was snappy at my mom at times, which was a completely different experience from when I was laboring with Riley. With Riley I pretty much asked for the epidural once contractions started, so the rest of my labor I was comfortable and a little medicated.

My mother-in-law had a flight to catch. She had delayed it when we though I was going in on Tuesday, thinking she would get to meet the baby, then leave the following day. But now it was looking as if she wouldn't get to meet him after all. She had a car coming to pick her up at our house at 5:30am. Just before 4:00am, she decides she needs to leave. So she and Jamaal leave to go get her car. It was while they were gone that I asked my nurse: "What do I need to be to get an epidural?" She said at least 4cm dilated. She went to get the midwife, to see if she wanted to be the one to check me. So, I went to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet I chanted: Please be a 4! Please be a 4! I was ready to relax.

The nurse came back 10 minutes later (which felt like an eternity) saying that the midwife was in a delivery, so she would be the one to check me. I was at a 5 or a 6, and my bag of water was bulging. Whew! "Epidural it up!" I said. But first she had to run a bolus of fluid in. And she increased the rate of the IV fluids. Time seemed to stop. It was 4:00am at this point. Jamaal got back in the room around 4:20. They sent my mom out of the room saying that only one family member could be there while the epidural was being placed.

At around 4:30 or so people started coming in to get the room ready. And they set me up on the side of the bed. The anesthesiologist came in the room and immediately went on the computer. He started asking me questions, but at this point my contractions were bad enough that I really could not talk through them. And they seemed to be on top of each other, so I was having a rough time answering. I was very irritated with the guy, but didn't want to be mean to him because he had the drugs.

Finally they got me positioned, and he started prepping me. At 4:45am a lot of things happened. He had the epidural needle in my back and I said "Uh oh." Everyone in the room stopped. For a second it was silent. They asked me what was wrong and my water broke. The reason I said "uh oh" was I had an overwhelming desire to push. So much so that I really could not fight it. My eyes were huge as I looked to my nurse who was helping me to stay in position. She calmed me down, told me to make small grunts if I had to push, but that was impossible. It was like putting a starving person in front of a buffet and telling them to not eat. I was panicked. My worst fear realized: having no pain relief for the delivery. The anesthesiologist started to speed things up. He got the catheter in, and gave me a bolus of numbing medicine and some fentanyl. I felt some relief. But I still felt like pushing. It was then that my nurse told me that once he was done, we would swing my legs over onto the bed, and start pushing. You're going to have a baby, they kept saying but I was still worried. How the heck was I going to make it through this!?

Meanwhile, my mom was out in the waiting area. When my water broke, there was quite a commotion. I believe that is when the midwife got in the room, and people started breaking the bed down. She heard the noise and got back to my room as quick as she could. Someone at the door stopped her from coming in. Asked her who she was, (she responded with "Mom") And they asked Jamaal if "mom" could come in, and he said yes. I was too busy trying (unsuccessfully) to keep from pushing.

And my nurse was right. The nurses helped me swing my legs back on the bed, and the midwife checked be and confirmed that I was ready to push. I want to say I pushed for a total of 5 contractions. In between one of them I said "Riley is my favorite." :) I was joking of course, but this delivery for sure hurt worse than Riley's. The midwife was very helpful, and my nurse was right there talking me through it. At 5:13am Graham Edwin Neagle was born. He cried immediately. And apparently had his hand at his face, so the midwife is certain he would have been out sooner if he had his arms at his sides.

I didn't tear or need stitches, which was a relief. The midwife and I introduce ourselves to each other. She had come in the room to meet me, little did she know she would be delivering my baby first. :) He was, and is, perfect.

Graham Edwin Neagle

Born 8/8/2013 at 5:13am

7 lbs 10 oz

18.25" long

Mr. Riley

My little boy is sure a character. Every day is so much fun these days. Well, at least parts of the day are fun. We still have some hard times. But then he will do something sweet, or cute, or funny, and I will smile and think, "how did I get so lucky?" The above photo was taken after nap time. I don't think he was quite ready to get up. But he was squeaking and fussing, so daddy got him up. We both laughed out loud when we saw his hair. It was worse...if you can believe that...right after sitting up in his crib. I didn't have my phone on me though, so it was a few minutes later when I got this shot. I have about 5 others prior to this one, but his eyes are closed. SO I had to get this shot without the flash. He was so very annoyed with me. And after this I broke the news that mommy was going bye-bye. Haha...mommy is so mean! :) (Don't worry, he quickly got over it. Saying "bye-bye" and walking me to the front door.)




The above video (if it decides to show up) was taken after he found a pacifier on the table. You see, the first 8 months of his life were very hard on me. He did not know how to sleep. I was sleep deprived and desperate to find something to sooth him, aside from me. I was exhausted and desperate for some relief. I bought EVERY type of pacifier out there. I searched desperately for some sort of different shape that might appease him. But to no avail. I think he took it a total of 2 times and kept it in his mouth for like 5 minutes at a time. Seriously folks. It was a rough time. But here he is making fun of his mama. ;) He doesn't even know how to suck on a binky and keep it in his mouth. (though I must admit, I tried this particular one too, and it is pretty difficult to suck on.)

The past week or so he has really started to talk up a storm. It is an adventure every day with him, you never know what might come out of his mouth. Right know he is big into "Thank you." He hands me something, and when I take it from him, "ank coo." The waitress refills my water, he says "ank coo." It just about melts my heart. Next step is working on "you're welcome."

The other day a new mommy commented that she couldn't wait for her baby to do something that Riley was doing. And I totally remember feeling this way when Riley was months old. There were times when I looked forward to the next milestone. And while this reaction is completely normal. And sometimes we say these things without really meaning anything by them. But I think there is something in loving the moment your child is in now. There is something so beautiful about your baby today, right now. Even if they are screaming and squirming and fighting sleep. I had so many struggles during the first months of Riley's life (and I definitely have some struggles today) but I look back on those moments with such reverence and a desire to be able to go back in time and snuggle with the Riley of 2011. I guess what I'm saying is each milestone is special in its own way, try to live in the now without looking too far forward. Because you will never get that time back.

Baby fever?

I have been getting strong, strong urges to get pregnant as of late. I think it is mostly because three (three!) of my close friends are expecting. It is enough to make a girl feel a pang of jealousy, at least for a moment. It is a bit selfish of me to be just a touch sad that they are pregnant and I am not. (But, I truly am so very excited for each of them! :D)

I was walking through Safeway the other day, alone for a change. And saw a young girl who was pregnant. I thought to myself, "I wonder if she knows how much her life is about to change for the better?!" And I really had to hold myself back before I went up to talk to her about her pregnancy and congratulate her.

But I also had this urge to thank her. Who knows how old she really was, but she looked as if she could still be in high school. Or possibly just recently graduated. But she did not appear much older than 20. Even if she doesn't keep her baby, her child was given the gift of life. And as I walked through Safeway, I couldn't help but smile.

I held back so as not to freak the girl out, but I really do wonder what her story was. I'm curious if any of my feelings were warranted, and if she ever did think about her options when she found out she was pregnant. Whatever her story, seeing her rounded belly made my day a little brighter.

And yet, I am quite happy with my two boys (my husband and son). And, maybe some will think I'm being selfish, but I'm quite happy reuniting with my old body; wearing my old jeans from high school. And having my body to myself again, (read: no longer breast feeding.)

And okay, I also have something secret that I will share later this week. And that secret thing, is just another reason why I want to wait a bit. :)

My husband's son

Today I decided to feed Riley cereal the real way. You know, poured in a bowl, drenched in whole milk and transferred via spoon into a toothless mouth. As far as I know this was a first for him. He has had dry cereal often. It is super easy for him to pick up, and makes for an easy snack. But dry cereal is just not the same as milk drenched cereal, and Riley needed to know this fact.

Okay, so mommy was thrifty and bought generic Rice Pockets, but I have a hard time calling them anything other than the name brand. I found that he enjoyed the cereal the best when it was soggy. He liked to slurp milk out of the pockets. Mr. Riley is usually only happy if he has something on his tray to play with or feed himself with. So I put some damp Chex in front of him, as well as spoon fed him a couple. He enjoyed his breakfast as usual.

My grandma would be upset to find that he will often pause a meal and refuse to eat until he is given a drink of water or milk. He really just needs to wash his food down. She used to feel that beverages did not go with mealtimes because she felt kids would get full on milk or juice and not eat their meals. Sorry Grandma! I did not encourage this behavior, he started doing it on his own.

At one point I got up to clean the sink out for bath time and Riley had grabbed a rice pocket and was "vrooming" with it along his tray. It is absolutely adorable to see him play cars, knowing that his daddy loves cars too. Anything can be made into a car, even a soggy, impostor Chex.

Baby Fever

Since Riley turned a year old, I have been thinking about having baby #2. I truly think I'm ready for another little bundle, but there are so many reasons why we shouldn't right now. I held Jamaal's cousin's 5 month old (who was premature so she is developmentally just a touch behind schedule, yet weighs almost as much as Riley does. :D) She fell asleep in my arms, and was just so precious to hold.

There are so many things about pregnancy that I just don't miss. Mostly, being a gestational diabetic. That just wasn't fun. However, I do think that since I've done it once before, I could handle it a bit easier this time.

There wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for maternity leave. I don't want to have to go back to work right away. And I don't have very much leave time saved up yet. So that would mean I wouldn't get to stay home as long as I did with Riley (16 weeks). At least I wouldn't get paid as much as I did, and way back then it was a huge difference in pay. Since I am working less now, we are less able to save up some funds to help cover me being on maternity leave. We need my paycheck right now.

My solution is simple:

If Jamaal gets a better job, which he has been applying for one and will hopefully hear back after the new year, we might be able to handle me going on leave. He would make more, with the opportunity for overtime, so we would likely be able to save something.

I've applied at a couple other places as well. But that doesn't really go with the whole plan. As it would be even more difficult to go on maternity leave after starting a brand new job. Mostly, I am just interested in working someplace closer to my home. That would make childcare a touch easier, and would decrease my transit time a little.

I'm hopeful that Jamaal would also be able to take some parental leave, so that we could have some time together as a family. He was only able to take off 5 days after Riley was born, and two of those days were the weekend. (We had Riley on a Thursday and by Tuesday he was back to work.) While it was rough then, I'm sure it would be even more difficult trying to manage a newborn and a toddler at the same time.

Here's to the new year! And someday, the New Neagle...

Sleep is good

It has been two weeks now since I last posted. Where has the time gone? Not too much has happened, as we do a lot of nothing around here. But as always, I've had some bad days and good days.

I've found that Riley does much better when he visits with family and friends. He must get bored of Jamaal and I. We might not be giving him as much attention as he desires, I suppose. Though I feel that I'm constantly talking with/holding/bouncing/flirting with little Mr. Riley. Perhaps he thinks that I have to love him, since I'm his mother, and wants to get attention from somewhere else too. Whatever the reason, on days that we get out of the house, he tends to fuss less.

The other day, when Riley was crying for some unknown reason, I began crying too. Why won't my baby just be happy? Why does he cry so much? I know that babies cry, but some days he is inconsolable. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to his crying. Which just makes me feel helpless, and makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. During one of the sleepless nights, I desperately searched the Internet for some magic fix to help him get to sleep. Of course I found none, but I did read something along the lines of: if what you are doing is making you feel desperate, or causing lots of stress, you need to make a change to find something that does work for you. There isn't one right way to skin a cat, as they say. So, I find myself picking and choosing bits and pieces from different parenting styles.

About a week ago, during our moments of desperation, we put him in the swing and he cried it out until he fell asleep. Each night, it didn't take nearly as long for him to fall asleep, but we realized we needed to be able to get him to sleep without motion, since he will eventually not be able to go into the swing anymore. So I tried just laying him down in his own bed. We had a couple (two) nights in a row where he slept decently. By that I mean he slept in his own bed for 2.5-3 hour sessions. I felt like I got a lot more sleep, because I was able to sleep in positions that are comfortable to me. When he is next to me, I find myself in awkward positions, and never fully relax while I sleep. Amazingly enough, each time I layed him down, (after he nursed to sleep) he stayed asleep. I thought it was a miracle. I bragged about it to my parents, and the next night after I set him down, he woke up after a few minutes. I checked for a burp, checked his pants, nothing.

So, we've begun along the cry-it-out pathway, which has turned into a huge power struggle between two adults and their little offspring. Let me tell you, he is a stubborn one. (Unfortunately I cannot deny that he got this from me.) I haven't really read any books on the cry-it-out method, so we are kind of winging it. He is still right next to our bed, so we don't sleep at all while he cries. The night before last, after he cried for 45 minutes with no signs of stopping (we talked to him and comforted him a bit off and on), I said screw it, and brought him into bed with us. He then nursed and slept next to me for 5.5 hours.

Last night, same story. After crying and not acting like he would ever stop, I picked him up and put him in the swing, (which we still have in our room) and turned the music on its loudest setting. He stopped crying immediately. He didn't go to sleep immediately, but he was quiet and eventually fell asleep. I don't know when he fell asleep, because I woke up 6 hours later. I still get disoriented after long periods of sleep. I wake in sort of a panic. This morning was no different, I sat up, looked in his crib to find it empty, then remembered I had put him in the swing.

We are, as I said before, winging it right now. I'm not sure what I will do tonight. I end up doing what works that night. Unfortunately, we are quickly approaching the day when I return to work, so I have to find something that works for us. As it is he doesn't like to go to bed until 2300 or later, and I will have to get up around 0430 to feed him one last time and get ready for work. 4-5 hours will not cut it for me, especially when he often wakes every 2-3 hours to feed. I'm extremely nervous to go back.

I'm considering cutting back my hours even more, because I'm not sure I will like being away from him too much. The first schedule I'll go back to is a partial schedule, and if after a week I realize it is too much time away, I will cut down my hours. We have been making it on decreased pay, but I'll have to make sure that we could continue to make it on decreased pay. Oh how I wish I didn't have to work...

The little booger has woken up, so I have to go.

Examining my fertility

When I pushed Riley's shoulders and body out, I made some of the only noise I made during labor and delivery. It was such a relief of pressure that it deserved a good sigh/moan. I made sure to tell my mom that it wasn't that I was in pain, because it didn't hurt (since I had such a good epidural). It just simply seemed like the right thing to do at the time, and helped to release some of the pressure. After they stole him away to be weighed, measured, and cleaned up a bit, I thought to myself: "I could do this again." I was amazed that I felt that way. Sure, the heartburn sucked A LOT. Sure, I really didn't enjoy being a Gestational Diabetic. But all of that didn't matter to me anymore, and I would truly do it all again in a heartbeat.

Logically, I know that I should wait at least a year to allow my uterus and body to heal fully. I also know that the exhaustion I feel now would be dramatically worse with two little ones. But would you believe that I've considered what it would be like to get pregnant again? I'm crazy. I blame the hormones. Financially, we wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to have much time off with the second babe, and how sad would that be to have to go back to work within 6 weeks of birth?! Also, if it was less than a year, I wouldn't qualify for any time off because FMLA is only allowed once within a year. (However, I'm sure they make exceptions to that rule for maternity leave.) I can't believe I'm even discussing this...

This all leads me to my two-week postpartum check up. Basically I went in to talk with my midwife, she did no examination. One of the first things she said to me was: "What are you going to do for birth control?"

My gut reaction was: "How dare you ask me that!" I didn't say that out loud of course, but I was actually offended. Me, the pro-choice, lover of medicinal forms of birth control was offended. I shocked myself. I never thought that I would feel this way about birth control. Again, I blame the hormones.

Realistically, I know that if we don't use some form of birth control, I'll have a newborn again in 10 more months. At least there is a huge risk of that happening. It was simply too easy to conceive Riley.

After pausing to get my head straight, I finally told her I didn't know what we would do for birth control. So, she reviewed our options:

Condoms. Since I hate the smell, and they are a bit of an inconvenience, we do not do well with these. Case and point: Riley. We should have used a condom the night he was conceived, I knew there was a chance, but thought there was no way it would happen that night. We all know what came of that decision. (Only the cutest little boy in the world!)

Progesterone-only Birth Control Pills. These are extremely time sensitive. I barely remember when the last time I ate or peed, let alone whether I took a pill or not. I used to set an alarm on my phone, but even then would sometimes take a little bit to take the pill. Sometimes hours.

Arm fat implant. Please excuse my description, I can't remember what this was actually called, but ultimately it is a rod that is inserted under the skin in the upper arm. I am weirded out by having something inserted there, especially since I plan on working out a bit and trying to tone up my upper arms. I don't know how that would feel to have a rod in my arm while doing push ups. It might not feel different, but I don't much care to find out. One perk to this type, however, is the cessation of menstruation. (I think...)

Depo-Provera. Hormonal injections. My midwife wasn't a big fan of this option. She doesn't recommend it for the long term, I forget the exact reason for that. But she said there is a huge risk of gaining 20 pounds in less than a year with this option. But it is a good option if used only while breastfeeding and transitioning to estrogen containing BCPs after weaning. She had some other disadvantages that I can't remember now. The risk of gaining 20 pounds is enough of a turn off for me.

IUD. (Intra-uterine device) This is something I considered using prior to going to this appointment. It is one of the easiest methods of birth control, since it is inserted and can stay in for 5-10 years depending on the brand. It is pretty effective at 99.9%, and one of the brands gets rid of menstruation. Which, let's face it, is kind of a gift! ;) Ultimately I decided on this one.

My logical side knows that I have to use some sort of birth control, and my impulse control is not so good that we can rely on NFP. At least not for the immediate future, only once I'm really ready for another child can we use NFP. Because that is technically what we were using when Riley was conceived. I do realize that at the time, we wanted to get pregnant eventually. And that we had very superficial reasons to prevent pregnancy at the time: I wanted to avoid a December/Holiday birthday. I know that now, our reasons to prevent pregnancy are much weightier: it isn't good for my uterus to go through pregnancy again prior to a year postpartum; financially I won't have benefits to cover my leave; and of course how physically exhausting it would be to be pregnant with an infant in tow. So I do realize that it might be a bit easier for us to prevent pregnancy using condoms and NFP, but I honestly don't trust myself. I want another baby far too much. I know that in the back of my mind I will think how wonderful it would be to have another little one, even though my logical side knows how crazy I'm being.

Do you follow me? Again I blame hormones if you don't. ;)

Well, I went to schedule my appointment to have an IUD inserted. She likes to do it at 8 weeks postpartum when the uterus has hardened up enough that the risk of her puncturing my uterus (!) when the IUD is inserted, is decreased. They wouldn't let me schedule an appointment, because it is something that needs to be pre-approved by insurance. That meant that they would call me to schedule the appointment. But of course, it isn't that easy. The Mirena (the hormonal form of the IUD) costs about $850, and the insertion costs $180, and my insurance will cover it at 85% after I meet my $250 deductible. So, that means it will end up being about $377.50 total. They do accept payment plans, and I do have a flexible spending account for health care, so I would get the money right back after I submit the appropriate paperwork. But it is very upsetting how expensive it will be. I haven't called to schedule my appointment yet. But I think I will on Monday. Logically, $400 is cheaper than getting pregnant again soon.

We are allowed to have sex again at 6 weeks post-partum, that leaves 2 weeks in between insertion where we could get pregnant. I am clinically insane and sort of hope that we do...

A few weeks ago...

Tuesday, April 20th

I went to work, and a fellow nurse, while walking behind me, asked "Aubri, have you gained weight?"

I looked at her with disgust, laughed and said "No." Its true. I've weighed the same for quite some time now.

I wasn't really that offended. She's done this before to others. I like her, and I really just feel she was being honest. But all of my clothes fit the same.

She said to me later that others had noticed too. I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. Because I do wish to lose a bit of weight. But since Jamaal and I will be trying to have a baby soon, I don't want to go too crazy.

Saturday, Apri 24th

Day 50.

I woke up in the morning for work. I thought to myself "Geeze, It's been a while since I've had my period." Last cycle was 54 or 55 days long, so it wasn't too shocking to me that it was the 50th day.

But then I remembered, last cycle I ovulated on day 40 or 41. This cycle I ovulated on the 36. So...you might assume that this cycle might be a little shorter. Like I should be starting soon.

And then, I remembered that I had spotted a bit earlier in the week. I was sure that my period was coming then, but the next day nothing.

So on a whim, I peed in a cup and dipped one of my cheap-o pregnancy tests in and started getting ready for work.

I really wasn't expecting what I found 5 minutes later. One dark pink line and next to it, very faintly, another pink line. I stared. I've taken these tests before, and a negative shows up as a dark pink line and nothing else.

I found the instructions that came with these tests, and read to see what a faint line meant. "Retake the test in 48 hours" it said.

After working 8 hours, it was tormenting me. I decided to take another test. This time one that was electronic.

It took a lot longer to process (I've taken these before, but the negative result showed up quickly.) but it clearly read "Pregnant."

That night, Bret was in town, and we met up with him to go to a bar. His sister (our waitress) asked what I wanted to drink: "Diet Coke." Bret was confused. Why not just have a drink? But he dropped it.

We planned on playing beer pong later. He asked if I was playing. I told him I had to work in the morning, so didn't want to drink.

He continued in this way...until finally Jamaal said "Her eggo is preggo." Then we explained to him to keep it a secret. I just barely found out, and want to be sure everything is normal first.

I ended up leaving early from the beer pong party. And did a little research. Since my cycles are about double the normal, I found a site that calculates due dates based on conception. If my calculations are correct, I think conception happened on April 12th. (plus or minus 4 days)

That puts my due date at about January 3rd.

Day 31.

I have to admit, I wasn't testing with my ovulation strips most of this cycle. But I figured, since last cycle, I didn't ovulate until day 40/41, that I'll be okay. I still stand by that thought.

On Saturday, Day 29, I woke up nauseated, I was sooo ready to call in sick, because I was sure that I was going to puke. But since I'm working with a student at work, and Saturday was her second day, I decided to grin and bear it.

While my LH test strips continue to be negative, I am noticing increased "wetness." I'm thinking that ovulation day will be coming soon.

:D

Jamaal and I will be going to Vegas soon, and after we booked our flight, I told Jamaal that it would be condoms from here on out, until at the very least, we get to Vegas. I want to be able to have a couple drinks while I'm there, and if I were pregnant, I wouldn't drink (or would feel incredibly guilty) the entire time.

Also, I would prefer my future child to have a birthday anytime between January and October, but not around Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years. And that means conception should be after April 20th (with a due date of January 6th).

The Gold Standard

Yesterday my family and I went to The Old Spaghetti Factory (the new one at Southcenter) to celebrate my birthday. As you might recall, we already had celebrated my birthday with Jamaal's in February. But, I ended up in tears and my brother, who says he "felt bad for me" was eager to go out to dinner again.

At dinner, my dad tells me "I had an 'Aubri dream' the other night" and then proceeds to tell me about a dream he had. It wasn't too crazy, so I asked why it was an "Aubri dream," and I guess the answer is that it was vivid like mine are nearly every night. My dreams have become the gold standard, and not only in my family, but also at work. They are pretty crazy...

The other night I had a particularly vivid dream.

I was going into labor, so my mom and left for the hospital. We were unable to take a vehicle for some reason, and so we had to walk about a mile. Fire engines passed us a couple times, and we waved at them to have them stopped but they waved right back at us and kept on going.

It was the middle of the night, and so it was very dark out, but we just kept walking. Finally, we arrived at the hospital, and there was an issue with the elevators. This hospital required a hospital staff escort in order for people to use the elevator, and there was only one escort at work, so there was a huge pack of people trying to use the elevator, and only one elevator in service. We didn't have time for this nonsense, so we took the stairs. We had to get from the 1st floor to the 6th. By the end I was crawling up the stairs in tears. I don't remember pain, but I know from the tears I was in pain. During this part of the dream, I was watching myself climb the stairs.

We finally arrived at the 6th floor, the labor and delivery unit, and they cannot accept walk ins. Plus, the did not believe that I was in labor. I was furious. I told them I had to pee really bad, and asked for a basin. (We have these at work, they are a circular basin about a foot and a half in diameter and about 4-5 inches deep.) They provided a basin, and I squatted down in front of the nurses station, and out popped my baby. I was scared to look, but when I did I found it was a boy. I told my mom, in a sad voice, that it was a boy. She kind of slumped a little. My mom, was like 8-10 feet away from me, and remained that far away. I had no help whatsoever. I said to my mom "I guess we should call Jamaal." But this was the first time I had even thought of notifying him. I picked up my baby, and proceeded to ask for suction, and someone handed me a suction bulb, and I had a hard time getting the babies mouth to open so I could suction everything out of his mouth. I never did hear him cry.

I woke up. Then I proceeded to lay in bed thinking how I should have clamped the umbilical cord. Never mind the fact that I had my baby in a basin, because no one would help me. ;)

I had another intense dream last night, but I really cannot describe it in a way that would make sense. So just take my word on it. ;)

Pregnancy dreams...yet again

I had a dream last night that I was 3 months pregnant, and had a pretty big bump. I was extremely disappointed because I couldn't feel the baby. I just felt fat. My baby bump wasn't firm either it was saggy so I could like lift it up and move it around. It was upsetting because of all the things I look forward to, feeling another life growing inside me is number 1.

Side note:
My quick research tells me that most women don't start to feel the baby move until 4 months at the earliest (16 weeks). So I guess my dream had some truth to it. I read Kay's old blog entries of her first pregnancy experience and even though she didn't feel the baby move she was still thinking about the baby. She started to notice a small bump at roughly 10 or 12 weeks (but most people wouldn't be able to tell with her fully dressed).

Back to the dream:
My dream fast forwarded to later in the pregnancy (though my belly did not change it was still floppy). And I was having super mild contractions, nothing worse than a mild cramp, and I freaked out. Turned to Jamaal and said "I want the drugs." My doctor (or midwife) asked what I wanted, an epidural or IV meds. I really didn't want an epidural (because there is a risk of permanent damage) and I was concerned about becoming paraplegic. But I was also concerned about the baby and asked which would make him the least stoned. And yes I said him. And the baby was due in November/December.

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I woke up thinking about my dream and the fact that it was something that could happen. (Well I'm going to assume that my baby bump does not flap in the wind...) But well, Jamaal and I haven't exactly been too careful yet. Sometimes he will reach for a condom, but sometimes not. I don't like the smell of them at all, so I can't stand to touch them. And I don't really have that will power to say no. Plus, I haven't ovulated yet. I'm on day 26 of my first independent cycle, and my ovulation test strips have been negative thus far. (And I've had pretty much no cervical mucous all month. Which is weird because I had some while on the pill, and now nothing...) For those of you who are curious, I'm not using the basal body temperature method since I'm working night shift and my sleep cycles are so irregular. (And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about these are the methods that help to determine when a woman ovulates, or are fertile, and are the basis for methods associated with natural family planning. I am using the methods to determine my ovulation, but will rely on condoms to prevent pregnancy, and to help me to focus on my bodies signs of fertility. Cervical mucous is difficult to see, for women new to looking at it, if there is also semen in the mix.)

So what I'm getting at is it is highly unlikely that I will conceive at this time, but as I recently read in How to Choose the Sex of your Baby, some women have a very short LH surge, and most women's LH surge happens later in the day (and I was previously testing in the morning when I first woke up, or right after work). So it is possible that I missed my LH surge this month. Though I doubt it.

I would prefer not to conceive before April 23rd. (my due date would be January 14th 2011). As, like I've said before, I don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas overshadowing the babe's day of birth. But of course I'll take anything I get. ;)

I should also mention that Jamaal was very supportive of me, and when I asked for the drugs, he was right there agreeing with me. (I think that was more for his benefit, and he didn't want to deal with me in a ton of pain.) But I remember thinking that he was being very sweet, and very proud to be having a baby with me. Which, of all the important things, shares the number 1 spot with being able to feel a life growing inside me. :D

Silly puppy

I meant to post this last night, but didn't save it, so this really happened yesterday.

This morning I had the following conversation with my dogs: (yes, I talk outloud to my dogs, probably more than I realize I do.)

"Please die of old age. I want you to be healthy but old when you die. Please feel free to pass away in your sleep when you are old and grey. Please do not get sick."

Bacardi, only a minute after I said this, proceeded to dry heave. I leapt out of bed, carried her to the sliding door, and threw her out. She then vomited 3 times. It was very small, yellow colored slime.

I'm just proud of her for missing the carpet.

I think someone is trying to prepare me for children.

"Jordan, please don't touch that."
"Allison, please don't hit your sister."
"Carmen, please don't wake up yet."

And then Jordan touches it.
And Allison hits her.
And Carmen wakes up.

And Bacardi gets sick.

He said "No"

Well last night was a roller coaster of emotion for me.

I was busy preparing dinner and thinking to myself about my husband's and my future. And I realized I'd been talking to him about getting pregnant, but he hadn't given a ton of input back. Since I knew I would probably miss him (I had water aerobics to get to, and was leaving early to check out the book I've been waiting for, and all before he got home from work) I decided to text him.

Me: "Would you be excited if I got pregnant?"
He replied almost immediately with: "No"

And I had nothing to say to that. I want him to be excited with me when it happens. I want to make it a little secret between the two of us for a while. I want us to be bursting to tell our family and friends.

There is an element of fear for me. I'm terrified I'll be an awful mom. I'm nervous about sleep after baby, and work eventually. There are things that seem so uncertain right now, like how we will fit a baby into our self absorbed lives. After a baby there's no turning back. We'll be different. We'll change as a family. Our social life will be different. Our mentality will change.

But I'm ready to venture on that path. And I thought that he was too.

I finished preparing the macaroni and cheese for dinner, leaving it on the preheated oven. I sent him a text telling him to put it in the oven for 20minutes before eating. And rushed to get out of the house before he got home.

I didn't want to see him right then. I was in tears as I packed up my things for water aerobics. I felt selfish. I realized that it was mostly my decision to begin trying for a baby. I had talked to him about it. I had explained that I didn't want a baby right away, that I would be monitoring my body and when I ovulated. And we would wait for a few months before trying for a baby. But also that if we got pregnant before we started to try, that we would be okay with that.

He never objected to my talk. But he never got giddy about it either. But as I've found, he isn't someone that really gets all that giddy anyway. I can tell when he is excited about something, but he definitely doesn't show it as much as I do.

I was hurt. Why didn't he tell me sooner?

I couldn't force him to be excited. And above all things I wanted him to share in my excitement if/when the peed on stick said "your pregnant."

If he saw me this upset, I knew he might lie to me to make me feel better. But as I went out to my van, he was pulling in to the neighborhood. I sat in the drivers seat, scared to look at him. (I didn't want to be mad at him, but if you know me I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I was hoping I could work out my anger, and come home to calmly and rationally discuss my pain with him.) He mouthed to me: "where are you going?" and I motioned like I was swimming, to indicate water aerobics. I pulled out of the neighborhood, tears streaming, and received the following text:

"You know I was joking right?"

I went around the block and back to the house, parked my van, left it running and walked up to him. He was still in his car in the driveway.

Me: "You were seriously joking?"
DH: "You know I would be excited if you got pregnant. I thought you would respond with something else."
Me: "I didn't want to force you to be excited. I didn't want to pressure you into this."

We hugged in the driveway as I cried it out.

DH: Looked around as he said "Quiet, I don't want the neighbors to think I hit you."

He hates when I cry, and always attempts to make me laugh to get me to stop.

I felt so much relief. After all of this I've realize how much I want for us to be parents. At least I know now how we both truly feel.

As I shared the story with my mom, I started crying again. Even telling the story makes me upset.

When I came home from aerobics the mac and cheese looked the same as when I left, only had a chunk missing. As I spooned myself a serving, I realized it didn't look like it had been in the oven at all. "Did you cook this?"

No, he didn't. Poor guy tried to eat it basically cold.

Did you get my text? He did, but didn't read it all the way. Well at least now he knows to pay attention to what I have to say. :)

Off the pill

I asked my husband today if it would be okay if I stopped taking birth control. (Yes, I asked him via text message.) Kayleen found that pretty funny, I don't always use text messages as my communication with him. This felt appropriate, because he was at work, and I didn't want him to have to answer me out loud. His response:

"Only if you stop being mean once a month."

From the mouth of babes...

Haha. He has a point though. I realize that I get a little bit of an attitude problem when Auntie Flo comes to visit. I blame the birth control. We'll see who truly is to blame...

I don't really want to get pregnant right away. I'm going to monitor my ovulation (or not) via these test strips:

I don't recall that I've shared on here that way back when I had a problem with my lady parts. I would go without a period for 3 months or more. It was lovely most of the time, but once I became sexually active, it became way too scary. It also was not very convenient to have Aunt Flo visit without calling first. She could literally drop by at anytime, and I might not be prepared for her.

My MD recommended birth control (prior to being sexually active) to help regulate my cycle. But he told me at that time (we had some blood work done) that I might have to have a little help to become pregnant when I was ready. This has been plaguing me ever since. So now, we will see from here where this goes. Perhaps I've been regulated enough for my body to kick in and work on its own. But perhaps not. It will be difficult, but I won't be going in to the MD for help for a year. I'm going to try it on my own first. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

At this point, however, I'm not actively trying to get pregnant. But if I do, I will not be upset either. I really don't want to have a child around Thanksgiving or Christmas, as I feel like their birthday will be overshadowed by other events and make the child feel less special. A baby in February through September or October is okay though. (Late January on the 29th would be fine too, as that is Jamaal's birthday.) So that means May or later for conception.

I'm going to track my cycle for a while, and read this book:

Don't judge me, but I want a daughter. I don't want to have 3 children, so I'm going to try and follow this book, and also the Ancient Chinese Gender Chart to attempt getting a girl. That means conception in May, July or September this year. If it fails, we have another shot to try for a girl, and if that fails we'll adopt one.

I'm prepared to be disappointed, but I know that I will cry if my first child is a boy. (And since I have these feelings I'm sure that I will have a boy out of spite!) I'll love him too I swear!!

Just an FYI, I probably won't be announcing that I'm pregnant until I'm well into the 2nd trimester, unless I'm sooo nauseated I can't help but share. We'll see what happens, but don't be surprised if I'm secretive about things, as I'm nervous to be able to conceive at all.

My Shape

I was going to post about this after washing the dishes, but I am still getting over my workout and want to rest up first...

My mother-in-law got me "Your Shape" for the Wii for Christmas. At first I was hesitant to try it. But I'm glad I have. It is essentially a workout program that tells you whether or not you are doing the workout correctly or not. The game comes with a camera that you hook up to the Wii, and it projects you onto the TV. It tells you to "watch your arms" or congratulates you for doing a good job.

I'm realizing that I'm super out of shape, but this game is helping me to be motivated to work out. The only problem is, I don't want Jamaal to watch me, so if I don't get my workout in before he gets home, I'm not very motivated to do it. ;)

Today I did a leg routine for 30minutes and even though I was sweaty and tired, I also did the "Bikini Challenge" for 15minutes. Then after that the girls and I went for a 30-minute walk, which successfully tired them out. :D

My first workout was on Tuesday, and I stuck with it and did a workout on Wednesday. Then on Thursday I went to lie down and was shocked to find that my abs were sore. The more I moved, the more I realized I was sore all over. It was amazing to me. I'm hopeful for good results. The great part is that the workouts fluctuate according to your skill level and the area you are focusing on.

The only down side is that sometimes it will say "uh oh, watch your arms" when my arms are doing the same thing she is doing. But it helps me to focus on all parts of the exercise.

Gotta get my body in better shape and lose about 10-20 pounds before I ruin my body with baby bumps. Haha. ;)

Sleep all day

I'm back on night shift....which actually isn't all that bad. The past 3 nights at work were a breeze. I had all my charting done by 0700 with the exception of a few little things I had to do at the last minute. But compared to day shift, most of the time my charting isn't all done at 1500. On nights you get to sit down so much more! I love that. ;)

Our unit is so busy during the day that I move move move, and sometimes feel like I'm going nowhere. The past couple nights I've been sitting, trying to find things to do.

Last night I decided to take a look at my benefit time to gauge how long it would take for me to accrue enough time to take a full 4 months of maternity leave...it wasn't pretty. I would have to wait an entire year to even try to get pregnant and even then I wouldn't have enough vacation time saved up to meet the 512 hours I'd need in order to have the same size paychecks I have now. I would have about 220 hours of vacation by this December. If I decreased my pay to 50% while on leave, I still wouldn't have the 320 hours that would require.

The US has their priorities way wrong. A woman should be able to have PAID time off with their babies. Jamaal and I will be moving to Europe for a year now.

Thankfully we have a tax credit coming. But since I won't be making nearly enough I want to set aside $4000 strictly for our mortgage payment while I'm on leave. $3000 of it will go to my parents as a "gift" since they gave us a "gift" last year, and that leaves $1000 of extra.

We really need furniture, we have 2 love seats...and $1000 won't be enough for couches/chairs/bedroom furniture.

Oh woe is me. I'll be looking for 0% interest financing at discount furniture stores, so we can put a $1000 down payment and put the rest on credit. I figure that should only be at most $3000 of credit, so we could swing a $500 monthly payment for 6 months.

Now to convince Jamaal that it's time...

Dreams and baby plans

I had a crazy dream last night/this morning. And of course I'm going to attempt to share it with you.

At the start, I was pregnant. Jamaal was basically never in my dream, but I knew that he wasn't out of the picture, he was just busy. Instead, my mom was supporting me. She was the one that took me to the hospital when I went into labor. Which, by the way, was so simple! After laying in the hospital bed for a couple minutes, my baby girl was born. Makes me ready to have a baby. No pain, no goop, only a period afterwards, and not even that heavy of a period!! (Side note: I said to my mom when I started having a period: why can't the uterus just be perfectly smooth and clean after having a baby. And being the nurse I am, I imagined a sparkling clean uterus....) So my baby girl was born complete with blond highlights and chin length hair. When wet, the hair would crimp, but it was easily brushed straight. Ha! No chance....now I was born with a lot of hair, and I believe Jamaal was too, but chin length hair?? If it weren't a dream she would have looked ridiculous, but instead she just was so perfectly cute. And even though Jamaal never saw her, I'm sure he would have questioned if I'd been faithful or not...so right after having the baby, I left her with my mom because I had other things to do.

The drill team coach asked me to participate in a dance reunion. And, just having had a baby, of course I said I'd be there. I hadn't shaved my legs in forever, since I'd been pregnant and couldn't reach, so I realized a little later than I should, that I desperately needed to shave. So I went to my dorm room, that was completely outside, and I shared it with Kayleen and Sarah. Sarah being taller, was so kind to reach for my electric razor that was on top of this ridiculously tall set of cupboards/closets. Kayleen had spilt her earrings all over the place on top of the cupboards, and we were very frustrated with that fact. I apparently had really swollen ankles during my pregnancy to the point where I had some very large blisters. So while I was shaving my legs I was also peeling skin (that looked more like hardened candle wax that had been dripped on my ankles. It was really quite gross, but made worse by the fact that I left the "skin" all over our outside dorm room. Sarah and Kayleen had left already though so they didn't know.

I finally leave the dorm, but I'm soo very late. The performance started at 1030 and there was a run through before that...I left my dorm at 1030. I didn't even know what I was supposed to perform, since I wasn't on the drill team...

Right before my performance, the coach (was her name Hunter??) says over the mike, "Aubri, do you know what you're going to perform?" I shook my head. Completely embarrassed. She then said I was to be singing along with the dancers in the next number, and I needed to run out of the bleachers area and go down to the floor to sing. Fortunately for me, the area I went to was not somewhere the audience could see me. Because I still didn't know what I was supposed to sing.

We (some people joined me for support, and to be my background singers) arrived just after the music had started. It was "My favorite things" from the Sound of Music. Which, I did not know the words to completely. And they didn't print me off a copy of the music so that I could follow where we were. So I basically messed up completely the first time, making the dancers start all over. And then made it as far as the first line.

I must have been very upset, but I was just ready to see my baby girl again. I missed her big time. I really desperately wanted to breast feed, but since there had been so many interruptions, she was being bottle fed by my mom. I tried, but she didn't really understand what to do, and neither did I. And I've been playing the Sims 3 too much because I would look to see how hungry she was on a meter...it was awful.

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I've been thinking about how to continue to support my family as well as be a mom and how I will make it work. And once conclusion I have found is: when on day shift, I could work Tuesdays and Thursdays and Sundays. And my mom could watch the baby on Tuesday and Thursday, and Jamaal could watch the baby on Sundays.  When on night shift, I would work Monday, wednesday and Saturday nights, for 8 hours. Jamaal is worried that he'd get no sleep, because he'd be alone with the baby overnight, but hopefully the baby would sleep through the night, or only wake one time through the night. Then my mom could either come over to my house on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or take the baby to her house. If she stayed at my house, she'd be able to bring the baby in to me when it was hungry and I could feed it. That is if I'm able to breastfeed. I would only work for 8 hours.Which would be a pay cut, of about 25%. And while that might make things a little bit tight, I could always pick up some shifts here and there as long as I can find a sitter. Preferably Jamaal, or our moms. We are allowed 4 months off total for a pregnancy, so, hoping I can work up until a week or less before I deliver, the baby would be nearly 4 months old. (This of course, is the best possible situation.) There are always what-if situations, where I could possibly end up with bed rest, or a baby with some sort of health problem, or twins etc.

Now I have to find enough leave time to cover 4 months of time off! (that is 512hrs at 80% and 384hrs at 60%) I would prefer the first option, but I don't think I can save that much time up.

We need to start saving now....

When I was looking up "My favorite things" to make sure that was the name of it, I found this music video...it's strange, but I really like it. Check it out:

My 100th Post.

I've been hesitant to post because this is my 100th post with this blog...I wanted it to be significant. The only events lately around here, I don't really want to talk about....it's depressing. We were supposed to close last wednesday on our house....and we still don't know when exactly we will close.

But like I said before, I don't want to talk about it.

I'm finding that I get excited when my period doesn't start when it should. I'm on the pill, so I'm very regular. Every 4 weeks by 10am, I begin to spot. Sometimes earlier if I've been up for a while. But this last week I didn't really start until Tuesday. All of monday I thought, "what if I'm pregnant?"

Then all of tuesday I was disappointed. Then yesterday I was watching "I didn't know I was Pregnant." A tv show about women who have babies and for the majority (sometimes all) of the pregnancy they don't know they're pregnant. The girl on there this particular episode got pregnant twice and didn't know it! She was 34 weeks with the second child and didn't know she was preggo...

So then I begin believing that it's possible with me. Wishful thinking I guess...

I want a baby, but I know that we are not ready. We will have a mortgage to pay, and without my income, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. So we need to figure a few things out before we have a baby. I want to figure it out soon...

My little Bells

Just a video of my Bella girl, playing with her food. Unless she is really hungry, she will do this every meal time...Sometimes she does the "nosing" part of it for much longer. She used to have a bowl that would tip over, and so she would nose it enough that it would tip. We got tired of stepping on bits of food. We still step on random pieces that she spits out...wish I could get into that head of hers and find out what the heck she's doing!!

The house, the present and the future

Well not much has really been going on around here.

We have stuck with the house that is located in Auburn, but the inspector found an issue with the drain pipe coming from the washer output. (After plumbers came out to look at it, they estimated it would cost $1200-2000 to fix, which is way more than Jamaal and I will have in quite some time.) So Jamaal and I decided to change out loan to an FHA streamline which basically means that we have $10,000 to spend on updates right away. The only issue with this type of loan is that it takes a really long time to have contractors approved by the people in charge. But Home Depot came out with a program specifically for this type of loan; it's brilliant on their part because we have to use home depot product and so far the people have shown to be nothing but helpful. Home Depot actually uses contractors, which is great for the contractors to get some business, and they too have been great.

We will end up with a new fridge, a front-loading washer and dryer, brand new and good quality carpet throughout, a new gutter on the side, and insulation under the house.

It turns out that the inspector didn't go far enough under the house to see that the washer output was connected properly to sewer after all. So the whole reason for us getting this type of loan is kind of gone...however we will appreciate new carpet and that too would take us a while to afford.

So because we changed the loan type, our lender requires more time to get everything in order, which means that instead of closing on September 11th, we'll close on September 30th. The only thing that stinks about this is that I had requested a week off after the Sept. 11th closing, but now I don't want to waste that vacation, and will request a week off the second week in October. Which may or may not be handy...I know that I'm going to be crazy when we move....because September 30th is a Wednesday and Jamaal doesn't think he can get the day off, so that leaves me in charge of everything. Which, hopefully will already be packed up by then. It doesn't help that I'm on night shift and therefore my schedule is all over the place. I sleep way more than normal, so hopefully I'll be able to pull myself out of bed. ;)

On a different note, I tried to post pictures of my nephew from so long ago today, but I'm having a hard time loading the pictures....when Jamaal gets home I'll have him help me.

I've been having a lot of pregnancy dreams lately. Last night I had a dream I looked in my purse and there were like 7 months worth of birth control pill packs in there, only they were mostly empty, except for one or two pills that I had obviously forgotten to take. And it was at that moment that I realized I was pregnant. (In my dream of course.) But in real life, I'm working nights and I actually have forgotten to take my pill, two nights in a row this last month actually. The worst part is that I didn't even realize it, I mean I looked at my pack it was Friday and there were still pills for Wednesday and Thursday in there. And I actually couldn't remember not taking them. I thought I had...

While I know I would miss some things about being a young married couple, without kids, I am really starting to dream about having kids of our own. I keep talking about it with Jamaal in hopes of getting him to the same place I am. Asking him questions like: "Do you have any ideas for baby names?" (he doesn't, at least that is what he says now) "Does the fact that very few of your friends are even close to having kids, make you want to wait to have kids?" (no, he says, that's not a factor) And that's a good thing, because if we had to wait until his friends (who at this time are not dating someone steady) were thinking of having kids, we'd be quite a bit older than I'd like to be. And finally the all important question: "Do you want to have kids?" (yes, he does!)

When? he doesn't know. I think that he would like to go to Europe first. We both have family there, and if we planned it right, we could stay with family in Ireland, and in Denmark to save money. He definitely wants to go to Germany to the Audi manufacturer and look at the gorgeous Audis. So we'd have to stay in a hotel in Germany for a couple nights at least. And then we could rent a car and drive to Denmark to visit with my family. We'd have to fly from Ireland to Germany or I guess we could start in Denmark, and then go to Germany and possibly other European countries, then fly to Ireland on our way back home, and stay there a few nights with his family....

Haha what a dream....