Baby Fever

Since Riley turned a year old, I have been thinking about having baby #2. I truly think I'm ready for another little bundle, but there are so many reasons why we shouldn't right now. I held Jamaal's cousin's 5 month old (who was premature so she is developmentally just a touch behind schedule, yet weighs almost as much as Riley does. :D) She fell asleep in my arms, and was just so precious to hold.

There are so many things about pregnancy that I just don't miss. Mostly, being a gestational diabetic. That just wasn't fun. However, I do think that since I've done it once before, I could handle it a bit easier this time.

There wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for maternity leave. I don't want to have to go back to work right away. And I don't have very much leave time saved up yet. So that would mean I wouldn't get to stay home as long as I did with Riley (16 weeks). At least I wouldn't get paid as much as I did, and way back then it was a huge difference in pay. Since I am working less now, we are less able to save up some funds to help cover me being on maternity leave. We need my paycheck right now.

My solution is simple:

If Jamaal gets a better job, which he has been applying for one and will hopefully hear back after the new year, we might be able to handle me going on leave. He would make more, with the opportunity for overtime, so we would likely be able to save something.

I've applied at a couple other places as well. But that doesn't really go with the whole plan. As it would be even more difficult to go on maternity leave after starting a brand new job. Mostly, I am just interested in working someplace closer to my home. That would make childcare a touch easier, and would decrease my transit time a little.

I'm hopeful that Jamaal would also be able to take some parental leave, so that we could have some time together as a family. He was only able to take off 5 days after Riley was born, and two of those days were the weekend. (We had Riley on a Thursday and by Tuesday he was back to work.) While it was rough then, I'm sure it would be even more difficult trying to manage a newborn and a toddler at the same time.

Here's to the new year! And someday, the New Neagle...

Strange dream...

I cannot even begin to describe the dream I just had. But I'll try...

There was a war starting between two groups of people. I don't know what the war was about though. Our home base was at my parent's house, though it was much much bigger than their house, like the size of a mall or something. We had a garage and were going to park our ridiculously long bus in it, but the garage door was broken somehow, and it just fell down and the bus crashed into it. I had to go to the bus to get everyone off, and to find the equipment we had on the bus. I ended up finding a couple bags, but there were no weapons at all, there was the parts to a computer but no actual computer. (Only a keyboard, mouse and speakers) Since I had no weapons I went to hide in a swamp, I had to swim underwater so that I didn't get shot, as there were several people firing at me. I found a tall group of grass and hid behind it, and I was doing pretty good until this kid decided to hide with me. Eventually I got a gun from someone, and shot a couple people, but the bullets were the size of a golf ball and moved about as fast as a sloth, so they could literally move out of the way, or the bullet would simply land on them causing no pain. One kid caught a bullet in his teeth, without causing damage. I ended up getting shot in the hip trying to help the kid that hid with me. I swam/crawled back to home base and the war was finally over. I had to have a hip surgery because my hip was dislocated and there was bleeding in the space.

Nuts.

Today I was going to go to the mall to get my hair cut and colored, but I decided to sleep in instead. I have to work tonight for 12 hours so it is better for me to get rest. Maybe I'll get my hair done on Saturday.

Blood and gore ahead

No kidding. Blood and gore. If you get queasy you should read cautiously. ;)

Last night I dreamt that a friend of mine (Update: since the word is now out, I've linked to her blog) was pregnant. She was near term and was getting nervous about labor. She was worried she wouldn't be able to handle the pain. (Which is funny since she's done it before.)

So, she had the obvious idea: inflict ridiculous amounts of pain on herself in order to be prepared for the impending labor.

She was going to rip her own finger off. She told me her plan, and I was frantically trying to hold her hand to prevent her from accomplishing her goal. I must have looked away for a second, because next thing I know, she had a pair of clamps in her hand ( the "clamps" were a miniature version of some tool I've seen in our garage/driveway in use before).

You might see where this is going. The clamps were what she needed to rip that finger off. Blood spurted everywhere all over my face.

Thankfully, I woke up...

When I fell back to sleep, I dreamt I was telling everyone about my previous dream. I guess I couldn't tear myself away...

A laughing dreamer

I laughed out loud again in my sleep last night. This time I dreamt about a junk yard that stacked the cars up really really high. It was called Mile High Junkers. The junk yard was next to this huge cliff. To get people to come to the place, they had stunt drivers driving cars up a wall, and had huge explosions. Once one of the drivers got about halfway up the cliff, he would push a button that would set off an explosion. Don't ask me how the cars got down, because I remember them I guess, driving on air....In my dream I asked Jamaal how they were driving up the cliff, and he didn't really have an answer for me. It was just sooo ridiculous...and this was just a highlight of the dream.

The Gold Standard

Yesterday my family and I went to The Old Spaghetti Factory (the new one at Southcenter) to celebrate my birthday. As you might recall, we already had celebrated my birthday with Jamaal's in February. But, I ended up in tears and my brother, who says he "felt bad for me" was eager to go out to dinner again.

At dinner, my dad tells me "I had an 'Aubri dream' the other night" and then proceeds to tell me about a dream he had. It wasn't too crazy, so I asked why it was an "Aubri dream," and I guess the answer is that it was vivid like mine are nearly every night. My dreams have become the gold standard, and not only in my family, but also at work. They are pretty crazy...

The other night I had a particularly vivid dream.

I was going into labor, so my mom and left for the hospital. We were unable to take a vehicle for some reason, and so we had to walk about a mile. Fire engines passed us a couple times, and we waved at them to have them stopped but they waved right back at us and kept on going.

It was the middle of the night, and so it was very dark out, but we just kept walking. Finally, we arrived at the hospital, and there was an issue with the elevators. This hospital required a hospital staff escort in order for people to use the elevator, and there was only one escort at work, so there was a huge pack of people trying to use the elevator, and only one elevator in service. We didn't have time for this nonsense, so we took the stairs. We had to get from the 1st floor to the 6th. By the end I was crawling up the stairs in tears. I don't remember pain, but I know from the tears I was in pain. During this part of the dream, I was watching myself climb the stairs.

We finally arrived at the 6th floor, the labor and delivery unit, and they cannot accept walk ins. Plus, the did not believe that I was in labor. I was furious. I told them I had to pee really bad, and asked for a basin. (We have these at work, they are a circular basin about a foot and a half in diameter and about 4-5 inches deep.) They provided a basin, and I squatted down in front of the nurses station, and out popped my baby. I was scared to look, but when I did I found it was a boy. I told my mom, in a sad voice, that it was a boy. She kind of slumped a little. My mom, was like 8-10 feet away from me, and remained that far away. I had no help whatsoever. I said to my mom "I guess we should call Jamaal." But this was the first time I had even thought of notifying him. I picked up my baby, and proceeded to ask for suction, and someone handed me a suction bulb, and I had a hard time getting the babies mouth to open so I could suction everything out of his mouth. I never did hear him cry.

I woke up. Then I proceeded to lay in bed thinking how I should have clamped the umbilical cord. Never mind the fact that I had my baby in a basin, because no one would help me. ;)

I had another intense dream last night, but I really cannot describe it in a way that would make sense. So just take my word on it. ;)

Pregnancy dreams...yet again

I had a dream last night that I was 3 months pregnant, and had a pretty big bump. I was extremely disappointed because I couldn't feel the baby. I just felt fat. My baby bump wasn't firm either it was saggy so I could like lift it up and move it around. It was upsetting because of all the things I look forward to, feeling another life growing inside me is number 1.

Side note:
My quick research tells me that most women don't start to feel the baby move until 4 months at the earliest (16 weeks). So I guess my dream had some truth to it. I read Kay's old blog entries of her first pregnancy experience and even though she didn't feel the baby move she was still thinking about the baby. She started to notice a small bump at roughly 10 or 12 weeks (but most people wouldn't be able to tell with her fully dressed).

Back to the dream:
My dream fast forwarded to later in the pregnancy (though my belly did not change it was still floppy). And I was having super mild contractions, nothing worse than a mild cramp, and I freaked out. Turned to Jamaal and said "I want the drugs." My doctor (or midwife) asked what I wanted, an epidural or IV meds. I really didn't want an epidural (because there is a risk of permanent damage) and I was concerned about becoming paraplegic. But I was also concerned about the baby and asked which would make him the least stoned. And yes I said him. And the baby was due in November/December.

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I woke up thinking about my dream and the fact that it was something that could happen. (Well I'm going to assume that my baby bump does not flap in the wind...) But well, Jamaal and I haven't exactly been too careful yet. Sometimes he will reach for a condom, but sometimes not. I don't like the smell of them at all, so I can't stand to touch them. And I don't really have that will power to say no. Plus, I haven't ovulated yet. I'm on day 26 of my first independent cycle, and my ovulation test strips have been negative thus far. (And I've had pretty much no cervical mucous all month. Which is weird because I had some while on the pill, and now nothing...) For those of you who are curious, I'm not using the basal body temperature method since I'm working night shift and my sleep cycles are so irregular. (And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about these are the methods that help to determine when a woman ovulates, or are fertile, and are the basis for methods associated with natural family planning. I am using the methods to determine my ovulation, but will rely on condoms to prevent pregnancy, and to help me to focus on my bodies signs of fertility. Cervical mucous is difficult to see, for women new to looking at it, if there is also semen in the mix.)

So what I'm getting at is it is highly unlikely that I will conceive at this time, but as I recently read in How to Choose the Sex of your Baby, some women have a very short LH surge, and most women's LH surge happens later in the day (and I was previously testing in the morning when I first woke up, or right after work). So it is possible that I missed my LH surge this month. Though I doubt it.

I would prefer not to conceive before April 23rd. (my due date would be January 14th 2011). As, like I've said before, I don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas overshadowing the babe's day of birth. But of course I'll take anything I get. ;)

I should also mention that Jamaal was very supportive of me, and when I asked for the drugs, he was right there agreeing with me. (I think that was more for his benefit, and he didn't want to deal with me in a ton of pain.) But I remember thinking that he was being very sweet, and very proud to be having a baby with me. Which, of all the important things, shares the number 1 spot with being able to feel a life growing inside me. :D

Not so sweet dreams

Last night I dreamt that a dear friend of mine, Sarah, had breast cancer. She caught it very early, and immediately had a double mastectomy. She told me like it was no big thing. I was shocked, and couldn't handle her lack of emotion.

Someone commented about my breasts looking bigger, and I made some comment that implied that I was pregnant. I went home and found a huge lump in my breast, and freaked out.

That's pretty much all I remember.

I don't like dreams like that. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling that way.

Dreams and baby plans

I had a crazy dream last night/this morning. And of course I'm going to attempt to share it with you.

At the start, I was pregnant. Jamaal was basically never in my dream, but I knew that he wasn't out of the picture, he was just busy. Instead, my mom was supporting me. She was the one that took me to the hospital when I went into labor. Which, by the way, was so simple! After laying in the hospital bed for a couple minutes, my baby girl was born. Makes me ready to have a baby. No pain, no goop, only a period afterwards, and not even that heavy of a period!! (Side note: I said to my mom when I started having a period: why can't the uterus just be perfectly smooth and clean after having a baby. And being the nurse I am, I imagined a sparkling clean uterus....) So my baby girl was born complete with blond highlights and chin length hair. When wet, the hair would crimp, but it was easily brushed straight. Ha! No chance....now I was born with a lot of hair, and I believe Jamaal was too, but chin length hair?? If it weren't a dream she would have looked ridiculous, but instead she just was so perfectly cute. And even though Jamaal never saw her, I'm sure he would have questioned if I'd been faithful or not...so right after having the baby, I left her with my mom because I had other things to do.

The drill team coach asked me to participate in a dance reunion. And, just having had a baby, of course I said I'd be there. I hadn't shaved my legs in forever, since I'd been pregnant and couldn't reach, so I realized a little later than I should, that I desperately needed to shave. So I went to my dorm room, that was completely outside, and I shared it with Kayleen and Sarah. Sarah being taller, was so kind to reach for my electric razor that was on top of this ridiculously tall set of cupboards/closets. Kayleen had spilt her earrings all over the place on top of the cupboards, and we were very frustrated with that fact. I apparently had really swollen ankles during my pregnancy to the point where I had some very large blisters. So while I was shaving my legs I was also peeling skin (that looked more like hardened candle wax that had been dripped on my ankles. It was really quite gross, but made worse by the fact that I left the "skin" all over our outside dorm room. Sarah and Kayleen had left already though so they didn't know.

I finally leave the dorm, but I'm soo very late. The performance started at 1030 and there was a run through before that...I left my dorm at 1030. I didn't even know what I was supposed to perform, since I wasn't on the drill team...

Right before my performance, the coach (was her name Hunter??) says over the mike, "Aubri, do you know what you're going to perform?" I shook my head. Completely embarrassed. She then said I was to be singing along with the dancers in the next number, and I needed to run out of the bleachers area and go down to the floor to sing. Fortunately for me, the area I went to was not somewhere the audience could see me. Because I still didn't know what I was supposed to sing.

We (some people joined me for support, and to be my background singers) arrived just after the music had started. It was "My favorite things" from the Sound of Music. Which, I did not know the words to completely. And they didn't print me off a copy of the music so that I could follow where we were. So I basically messed up completely the first time, making the dancers start all over. And then made it as far as the first line.

I must have been very upset, but I was just ready to see my baby girl again. I missed her big time. I really desperately wanted to breast feed, but since there had been so many interruptions, she was being bottle fed by my mom. I tried, but she didn't really understand what to do, and neither did I. And I've been playing the Sims 3 too much because I would look to see how hungry she was on a meter...it was awful.

_________________________

I've been thinking about how to continue to support my family as well as be a mom and how I will make it work. And once conclusion I have found is: when on day shift, I could work Tuesdays and Thursdays and Sundays. And my mom could watch the baby on Tuesday and Thursday, and Jamaal could watch the baby on Sundays.  When on night shift, I would work Monday, wednesday and Saturday nights, for 8 hours. Jamaal is worried that he'd get no sleep, because he'd be alone with the baby overnight, but hopefully the baby would sleep through the night, or only wake one time through the night. Then my mom could either come over to my house on Tuesdays and Thursdays, or take the baby to her house. If she stayed at my house, she'd be able to bring the baby in to me when it was hungry and I could feed it. That is if I'm able to breastfeed. I would only work for 8 hours.Which would be a pay cut, of about 25%. And while that might make things a little bit tight, I could always pick up some shifts here and there as long as I can find a sitter. Preferably Jamaal, or our moms. We are allowed 4 months off total for a pregnancy, so, hoping I can work up until a week or less before I deliver, the baby would be nearly 4 months old. (This of course, is the best possible situation.) There are always what-if situations, where I could possibly end up with bed rest, or a baby with some sort of health problem, or twins etc.

Now I have to find enough leave time to cover 4 months of time off! (that is 512hrs at 80% and 384hrs at 60%) I would prefer the first option, but I don't think I can save that much time up.

We need to start saving now....

When I was looking up "My favorite things" to make sure that was the name of it, I found this music video...it's strange, but I really like it. Check it out:

The house, the present and the future

Well not much has really been going on around here.

We have stuck with the house that is located in Auburn, but the inspector found an issue with the drain pipe coming from the washer output. (After plumbers came out to look at it, they estimated it would cost $1200-2000 to fix, which is way more than Jamaal and I will have in quite some time.) So Jamaal and I decided to change out loan to an FHA streamline which basically means that we have $10,000 to spend on updates right away. The only issue with this type of loan is that it takes a really long time to have contractors approved by the people in charge. But Home Depot came out with a program specifically for this type of loan; it's brilliant on their part because we have to use home depot product and so far the people have shown to be nothing but helpful. Home Depot actually uses contractors, which is great for the contractors to get some business, and they too have been great.

We will end up with a new fridge, a front-loading washer and dryer, brand new and good quality carpet throughout, a new gutter on the side, and insulation under the house.

It turns out that the inspector didn't go far enough under the house to see that the washer output was connected properly to sewer after all. So the whole reason for us getting this type of loan is kind of gone...however we will appreciate new carpet and that too would take us a while to afford.

So because we changed the loan type, our lender requires more time to get everything in order, which means that instead of closing on September 11th, we'll close on September 30th. The only thing that stinks about this is that I had requested a week off after the Sept. 11th closing, but now I don't want to waste that vacation, and will request a week off the second week in October. Which may or may not be handy...I know that I'm going to be crazy when we move....because September 30th is a Wednesday and Jamaal doesn't think he can get the day off, so that leaves me in charge of everything. Which, hopefully will already be packed up by then. It doesn't help that I'm on night shift and therefore my schedule is all over the place. I sleep way more than normal, so hopefully I'll be able to pull myself out of bed. ;)

On a different note, I tried to post pictures of my nephew from so long ago today, but I'm having a hard time loading the pictures....when Jamaal gets home I'll have him help me.

I've been having a lot of pregnancy dreams lately. Last night I had a dream I looked in my purse and there were like 7 months worth of birth control pill packs in there, only they were mostly empty, except for one or two pills that I had obviously forgotten to take. And it was at that moment that I realized I was pregnant. (In my dream of course.) But in real life, I'm working nights and I actually have forgotten to take my pill, two nights in a row this last month actually. The worst part is that I didn't even realize it, I mean I looked at my pack it was Friday and there were still pills for Wednesday and Thursday in there. And I actually couldn't remember not taking them. I thought I had...

While I know I would miss some things about being a young married couple, without kids, I am really starting to dream about having kids of our own. I keep talking about it with Jamaal in hopes of getting him to the same place I am. Asking him questions like: "Do you have any ideas for baby names?" (he doesn't, at least that is what he says now) "Does the fact that very few of your friends are even close to having kids, make you want to wait to have kids?" (no, he says, that's not a factor) And that's a good thing, because if we had to wait until his friends (who at this time are not dating someone steady) were thinking of having kids, we'd be quite a bit older than I'd like to be. And finally the all important question: "Do you want to have kids?" (yes, he does!)

When? he doesn't know. I think that he would like to go to Europe first. We both have family there, and if we planned it right, we could stay with family in Ireland, and in Denmark to save money. He definitely wants to go to Germany to the Audi manufacturer and look at the gorgeous Audis. So we'd have to stay in a hotel in Germany for a couple nights at least. And then we could rent a car and drive to Denmark to visit with my family. We'd have to fly from Ireland to Germany or I guess we could start in Denmark, and then go to Germany and possibly other European countries, then fly to Ireland on our way back home, and stay there a few nights with his family....

Haha what a dream....

I'm a brilliant dreamer

If you know me very well, you know that I have pretty regular, crazy, vivid dreams...last night is a prime example of that.

I decided to write a cookbook. This in itself isn't a crazy idea. Most people know that I like to make recipes up and create in the kitchen...but the crazy part was it just wasn't any kind of cookbook.

It was a cookbook slash erotic novel. And my good friend Seth Rogen was helping me to write it. Please do not ask why a person would put a recipe book and an erotic novel together. But I am hereby copyrighting the idea. Don't steal it from me.

A quick google search, and you can find some erotic food cook books, but this was different. there was story before each recipe, and after. It was like the best idea I'd ever had! And Seth Rogen agreed!! :D

haha...would you buy it??

Two sleeping ladies...

Well as I previously stated, my sleep cycle is all kinds of messed up. I have been ready to go to sleep at like 9pm or in this case, 8pm. Here I am, with Bella on the couch. I had made dinner for Jamaal and I (Monte Cristos, check out the recipe here!) and started watching something, then fell asleep.
Jamaal took this picture, without me even knowing it. (There was a flash). I didnt know that Bella had joined me on the couch, and I woke up to hearing the shower going. I was ridiculously exhausted. But I really think it's an adorable picture... I love my Bellers.

My dream/dreams...

So last night I had a dream, and I can only remember bits and pieces of it.
1. Kayleen told me "I don't think Bella looks like the luck dragon from Neverending Story" and instead of me being happy (as I normally am when someone says this to me) I was really upset, and was like "well you don't know what falcor looks like then, because she does!" ....weird. Sorry I was rude to you in my dream Kayleen.

2. Jamaal told me "my favorite sister died today." (I haven't met any of his sisters (he has 3 half sisters) he doesn't see them much.) He continued to say "She was sitting on a bench and a (I don't know what it was, in my dream I could see it happen as he told me, so it looked like a 12" square piece of concrete, he called it something but I don't remember.) something fell on her head." It was gruesome...it like broke her skull. In the middle of a park. She had like a 1 year old with her, who was uninjured. So I'm like bawling, and I asked how his dad was, but I don't remember the answer.

3. OH! (I was just about ready to call that the end when I remembered another part.) All of the girls were going to go to this "strip" casino. It was basically only for women, and only one gambling table was open at a time. So everyone had to pay like $2,000 to go to it, you like had to have that much money with you to get in or something. But you didn't necessarily have to spend it? So there was like a game show part of it, that was the only gambling thing open, except for slots, and Sarah went, and you had to pay $200 to be a participant. She didn't win, sorry Sarah. I was like, you guys are crazy! I'm not spending $200 to play a game...So I went and did the slots. Apparently it was called a strip casino because there were male strippers there, but there weren't it was weird.

Apartments and Snowy strolls

I had a dream last night that Jamaal and I moved into a, well I guess it would be called a studio, because there were absolutely no walls. There was a very small kitchen, I never saw a bathroom, and we had to share it with another couple! The door to the apartment was in the middle so we had our beds across the room from each other, there was about 18 feet in between the two beds. They had their surround sound set up in the middle of the room (we moved in after them) and their TV was freakin tiny! Their speakers were bigger than the TV! They also had a mean looking golden retriever, I never thought I would see one of those! So my girls were going to have to be in their kennels a lot, because they were scared.

So, even though Jamaal and I aren't planning on moving into an apartment, I am now freaked out about where we next move too. My dreams are too vivid...

Another part of my dream, my mom and I were in Spokane and it started to snow really bad, and we had to go up this really big hill that turned sharply right at the top, and she got scared to drive, so we had to walk instead. So we start walking and we come to this area where there is water too, and I slipped and fell in. (It was like a little loop of ice pathway surrounded by water. So there was about an 6 foot diameter circle of water in the middle). So once I fell in this bald, very pale naked guy appeared in the middle of the loop; only his top half showed, so I guess I don't know for sure if he was completely naked. :) Anyway, he was like a ghost I guess because my mom didn't see him. I wasn't panicked in the water, I was just casually trying to get back up, my mom didn't seem to care that I was in the water at all. Hypothermia isn't an issue in dreams. But anyway, the guy was saying things to me as I'm trying to get up, like "better not drown" and "isn't the water cold" and other things that I don't quite remember, but he was taunting me. So I got back up and he was still there, urging me to fall in again. (I didn't). So we move on. And eventually we get to a point where my mom decides "I guess we don't need to go that badly" (I don't know where we were going, perhaps I realized this, and was tired of the plot... :D ) and wants to turn around. I was like "after all I sacrificed for this?" pointing at my feet, which was the only part of me that was wet...and that my friends is the end of my dream...

It's kind of creepy now, but it wasn't while I dreamt it. I was uber confident in my ability to get back up!

I'm dreaming...

I had a dream last night that Jamaal didn't want to marry me. So instead I was going to marry a guy from work. He's a nurse and is like 45 years old, but looks about 35, and he is gay. But he was willing to marry me so I'd feel better, or something. Jamaal and I were still dating, but I was marrying the Nurse...

It started out that I was looking for a place to get married and we didn't have a huge budget so it was difficult to find a place that was cheap. And Jamaal wouldn't help me at all. So he decided he didnt want to marry me. And the nurse helped me find a good place, for free. It was this really small triangle of gravel that if you were in just the right place you could see the water and sunset, but otherwise there were warehouses around it. Just a crack between two warehouses that opened to the ocean. It was ridiculous. But I liked it...

When I woke up I asked Jamaal "Do you want to marry me?" and he said "yes."

And then I said "in my dream you didn't want to" and at this he pushed me away...he hates it when I think my dreams are real...it drives him crazy! :D I knew it would, but I asked anyway. It didnt feel like a "real" scenario anyway, I could tell this was a dream. But sometimes it doesn't quite feel like a dream, so I end up making sure that it was...

It's funny because last night there was a show (I forget which one now) where the wife asked "who is penelope?" And the husband didnt know, and she said "in my dream you cheated on me with penelope, who is she?" And he thought she was being ridiculous.

The wife said that it was more than a dream, it was a premonition and she had had two others before that had come true.

As we were watching this, Jamaal looked over at me after the husband said "you're crazy, I didnt do anything, it was a dream" and I laughed because we have so been there....

Although I've never dreamt that he cheated on me before.