Secrets

Are you curious yet, about the secret I had mentioned yesterday?

Well, I hope you are. Because I can't wait to share.

I was just offered a job with Weight Watchers as a receptionist. :)

Do you see now why I want to wait a little bit before I get pregnant again? As an employee of WW you are expected to be within 2 pounds of your goal weight. I have read about some employees having babies and then coming back after their baby is born. But, for obvious reasons, you are not allowed to follow the program and be pregnant at the same time. I don't really know how it works, if I can't work while pregnant or how that will go, but I'd like to get settled into the job, and then find out about all of those details.

A receptionist's job is to welcome members, weigh them in, act as cashier, and sign people up. The shifts are usually only 2.5 hours and I will be doing 2 a week. If I can swing it, maybe be able to do two meetings in a row, so just one day per week is my WW day. :)

We'll see. I'm giddy and nervous all at the same time.

This is one definite way to keep me accountable. :)

OH! Now I need to go buy some "business casual" clothing. I definitely need some slacks. Jeans and scrubs just won't cut it! :)

Baby fever?

I have been getting strong, strong urges to get pregnant as of late. I think it is mostly because three (three!) of my close friends are expecting. It is enough to make a girl feel a pang of jealousy, at least for a moment. It is a bit selfish of me to be just a touch sad that they are pregnant and I am not. (But, I truly am so very excited for each of them! :D)

I was walking through Safeway the other day, alone for a change. And saw a young girl who was pregnant. I thought to myself, "I wonder if she knows how much her life is about to change for the better?!" And I really had to hold myself back before I went up to talk to her about her pregnancy and congratulate her.

But I also had this urge to thank her. Who knows how old she really was, but she looked as if she could still be in high school. Or possibly just recently graduated. But she did not appear much older than 20. Even if she doesn't keep her baby, her child was given the gift of life. And as I walked through Safeway, I couldn't help but smile.

I held back so as not to freak the girl out, but I really do wonder what her story was. I'm curious if any of my feelings were warranted, and if she ever did think about her options when she found out she was pregnant. Whatever her story, seeing her rounded belly made my day a little brighter.

And yet, I am quite happy with my two boys (my husband and son). And, maybe some will think I'm being selfish, but I'm quite happy reuniting with my old body; wearing my old jeans from high school. And having my body to myself again, (read: no longer breast feeding.)

And okay, I also have something secret that I will share later this week. And that secret thing, is just another reason why I want to wait a bit. :)

Urine output

Can I complain for a bit?

Some days I really dislike my job. (And to be clear, the job I am referring to is my job as a nurse.)

Today was one of those days. Though, as far as bad days go, I've had much, much worse.

But something struck me today. It was just after 1 pm when I received a phone call from a doctor. I was actually in the middle of something. I was trying to get a patient of mine discharged. Up until this point I had hardly sat down. I had charted on only one of my patients, and that was because I was in her room waiting on someone to help me.

This doctor was calling to alert me that he was planning on bringing some orders by in the near future. So that I could keep my eyes peeled for these new orders. That was nice of him, I do appreciate those calls. Then he stated he noticed that no urine output had been charted on the patient. And I stated, "oh, yes I haven't charted it yet, but we emptied 1,400cc." (I should add that the patient was admitted on the Urology service.) I stated that I would chart it a little later. The doctor started to chew me out and say that I needed to chart it now. And did I realize that this patient was a Urology patient and these values are important. As I said before I had been in a patient room, trying to get him discharged. When I got this call, I had stepped out of the room. But unfortunately by this point I was raising my voice.

I told that doctor I was sorry, but hadn't had a minute to chart it yet. And that he would have to wait just like everyone else. I was furious.

The nerve of him. I had told him the value, wasn't that enough? He was implying that I needed to stop what I was doing at that very moment, and chart a value that he now knew. What would me charting it that second change? Nothing. He was on a power trip. And I was not in the mood.

I do not know what ideal world he lives in where I am able to chart everything I do right as I do it. I wish I could, but my patients require my services a bit too much these days. He was implying that I simply did not care about the patient's urine output. And this is not true. I hadn't fully remembered that I needed to chart it. (But I had made a note of it, and knew that when I was able to sit down to chart, that I would remember to do so.) Had the value been critical, I would have called the doctor immediately to let him know. But it wasn't. The patient  had perfect urine output.

I wish that doctor had followed me around today, to see how very busy I was. My legs, as I type this are sore and tired from being used for nearly 8 hours straight. I cleaned up urine and linen about 10 times during my 8-hour shift. Because right as we were finished cleaning her, she would empty her bladder again.

So, I'm sorry Doctor. I hadn't charted that value for your patient. I was busy with ensuring that an elderly lady's bottom did not sit in a pool of urine. I was busy trying to get a cancer patient discharged to his warm, cozy bed at home. To his dogs that were desperate for him to return to them. And I was busy soothing and calming your patient down when he didn't know where he was. All of these things are a bit more important when it really comes down to it.

If you were the one in that hospital bed, you would think so too.

My new gadget

The other day Jamaal got a package from FedEx. This is nothing too out of the ordinary, he gets packages quite frequently. So, I set it aside, curious to know what was inside. When he got home from work that day, I was in the other room folding clothes. He came to me after about 30 minutes with a HP Touchpad (HP's version of the Ipad). I was a bit shocked. It was unexpected. I started thinking, "Is this a birthday gift, a month early? Perhaps a Valentine's Day present a little early?" I didn't really know.

Eventually he tells me that it is a gift for making it to my weight goal. That I was not expecting. I was breathless for a moment. Up until then he had made little, to no notice of my weight loss. I would tell him every week how much I had lost, and he would say something like "yay" with no real feeling or excitement behind it. He wasn't trying to be cruel, it is just the way he expresses himself. But I sometimes wanted a little more from him.

Another example. A few weeks back, I went to get Riley from my mother-in-laws. I had just gone shopping for some clothes that fit, and had a new outfit on. The next day Jamaal said to me: "My mom says you look skinny." I can't remember for sure if I called him on that comment or not. Your mom thinks I look skinny, but what do you think? Hmm?!

He has been making comments about how saggy my pants are, which I know translates to: You need clothes that fit, and ultimately that I have lost weight. But he never really went out and said he was proud of me.

But when he presented me with this gift it hit me that he had noticed. Of course I knew that, but sometimes it is nice to hear the obvious.

So here I am, typing out this post using the wireless keyboard he got me to go with it. :) The only thing he didn't get me was a case for it, because he wanted me to pick it out. :)

A friend asked me today if that meant I would post some more, and maybe I will. At least I will try. But it is ever so hard for me to pull away from The Hunger Games (I bought the series for my Kindle app first thing.) But I'm sure I will finish reading it eventually. :)

At Goal!

16 weeks. 22 pounds. :)
I have to say it is a huge relief to have finally made it. And yet it is a scary place to be. Because now I need to maintain. And there is just something about butter and cheese and fried, well, anything that calls my name. Even though I know that Weight Watchers is not a diet, it is a lifestyle, I find myself thinking "I'm done dieting."


Now it has been 17 weeks 23 pounds and 24.25 inches. 
I stepped on the scale this week, apprehensive. I was sure I had gained. (But this would have been okay, because last week I weighed in below my goal weight, and you are supposed to stay within 2 pounds of your goal weight. I was 1.8 pounds below last week. And yesterday, I lost 1.2 more. "That just means you can eat more" the receptionist said to me. Boy I guess! But, I think perhaps I should lower my goal weight. Because the idea of gaining 3 pounds does not sound appealing to me. It is a difficult mindset to get out of. I feel like I should always just be losing losing losing. Maintaining is okay. But the idea of gaining?! No. I don't want to go there. Not unless I am pregnant. And have a reason to gain. 


And can I just say that I have had a lot of brownies this last week?! They were home made brownies at that. And not a "healthy" adaptation. No no. My husband would have none of that. :) It was his birthday last weekend and he loves brownies. 


My secret? I cut the brownies into a little bigger than 1 inch squares. And froze them. I separated them out and put them in the freezer. Once they were frozen, I dumped them in a ziploc bag and pushed them to the back of our freezer. Each little square is 2 points, and if I have 2 of them (as I often do) they are 5 points. If you are at all familiar with Weight Watchers, you know that these brownies are not cheap. They have a high points value, especially when you look at how small they are. But they are pretty tasty, chewy, and when you eat them frozen, they take a bit longer to nibble on. 

Want the recipe? Here we go:


Springer's Espresso Brownies
(A recipe given to me by a social worker I work with)
Ingredients:
-4 ounces unsweetened chocolate (I only had semisweet, and went with that.)
-2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter
-3-4 tablespoons Medaglia d'Oro ground espresso
-2 teaspoons vanilla
-4 large eggs
-2 cups granulated sugar
-1 cup unbleached flour, stirred with a whisk before measuring
-chopped walnuts (optional) (if you add these they will alter the points values as I did not use them)


1. Melt chocolate with butter very gently. Once melted add espresso and vanilla. Let cool to lukewarm.
2. In medium sized bowl, beat eggs with sugar. Once chocolate has cooled, add it to the sugar mixture.
3. Gently fold in flour, just until absorbed. (Don't beat once flour has been added). Fold in nuts if using.
4. Scrape batter into buttered and floured pan (8x8 or 9x12)
5. Bake at 325 if pan is glass, or 350 if using a metal pan.
6. Bake about 25 minutes but start testing early. When toothpick inserted in center comes out with damp crumbs (but not liquid) remove to rack to cool. Cool for 30 minutes or more before cutting. 

They have a  mocha flavor that I like a lot. But I would not say that these are the world's best brownies either. That being said, I would definitely make them again. And I would probably still use the semisweet chocolate. I don't feel like the brownies were overpoweringly sweet. But when I measured out the sugar, I did go just under 2 cups. They come out fudgey and chewy, just how a brownie should be. (In my opinion!)


I used a 9x13 glass pan, and cut 54 brownies out (6 rows by 9 columns). Enjoy!