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Friday, May 31, 2013

Thoughts

~1~
Today I found out I had failed my 2-hour glucose test. (I had failed my 1-hour, so was ordered to take the 2-hour.) I haven't been told my values yet, so I'm not sure how badly I failed. But I'm guessing not that badly. We had decided, at least, that I wouldn't take the 2-hour test if I had failed the 1-hour by a lot. It is a disappointment, of course, to have Gestational Diabetes again. But I'm not as distraught about it as I was the first time around. I am supposed to meet with someone next week to go over my blood sugars and food log, and talk about what I need to do to keep my sugars in control. We'll see when that happens as I work in the early part of the week, so often don't get phone calls. Oh well. I know what I'm doing, mostly. This time around I only have my anniversary (next week!) and the 4th of July to make it through. Otherwise I don't have to suffer through Halloween, Thanksgiving and the possibility of Christmas like I did with Riley. (He was born before Christmas, so I was able to eat some carbs.) 

They will make me to Non-stress tests again and make me come in pretty frequently, so it is going to be tricky finding appropriate child care. I'm going to have issues I'm sure. But Riley cannot come with me to a Non-stress test. I would never be able to sit still with him there! :) 

~2~
Riley has been in his big boy bed for quite some time now. He, just last week, realized that he was able to get out of his bed in the morning. And oh how much Mommy and Daddy are sad about this! He used to sit in his bed, play with some toys for a while before yelling out "Mommmmmy!!" I would then get out of bed and go get him from his room. Mind you this would happen at 9:45 or 10:30. It was wonderful. But now he is getting up at 7:30 or 8 and wandering into the living room. He usually is just fine in there. He will gather up some snacks for mommy or daddy to open for him, and play with toys. But there is some worry that he might cause a ruckus out there alone. Today, when he woke up at 7:15 (and mommy had gone to sleep at 3:15am after watching a few shows with daddy) it was especially painful. Riley came in bed with us for a little bit, but I was worried he would soak through his diaper, so I took him out to the living room. I set up a movie and laid down on the couch, set him up with applesauce, milk and a bar, and closed my eyes. I can't remember when, but he told me he was going to bed, and went in his room and played with his cars there. I slept through the entire movie (Bolt, if you're curious). It wasn't that comfy, but I was glad to have gotten a nap. Daddy got Riley out of his room around 10:45. He is a strange child sometimes. But I love him for it. 

~3~
Naps have kind of become a luxury item around here. He really fights them hard. I think a solution to this issue (and the one I just mentioned) is getting some heavy curtains along with the blinds. It is just too bright in his room! Yesterday he took a good nap for his Papa. And today he is taking an excellent one for me. It has been 3 hours now. I'm thankful for it. But most of the time when he is laid down in his room, he just plays for an hour and a half (and either parent will go in there periodically and ask him to lay down, and stop playing.) before coming out of his room saying he "waked up." When in fact he never went to sleep! :) He's never really been a good sleeper, but on Wednesday afternoon, he put himself to bed. Some days he knows he will feel better after napping. Other days he goes to war!

~4~
This time around I'm particularly worried that something will go wrong. Like the baby will have some congenital defect, or might not make it through the birth. It is a very strong, horrible feeling I have, and I'm struggling with it often. I really try hard to push it out of my mind, but it is difficult to do. I know of at least one other Mama who has admitted to a similar feeling. But it is very difficult to know that Riley is perfect, his birth went beautifully, he has been a healthy little guy, and there are many many things that could have gone wrong. Eventually one of them will, right? Statistics show that problems happen more often than I would like to know. Right now, I'm just not in a place where I should be Googling it, so you will have to live with a generic "things happen" statement. Go ahead and Google it yourself...unless you are also pregnant or trying to conceive. Because some things are just better off not known. Maybe having gestational diabetes is my statistic? Lets hope so...

~5~
I took a while putting groceries away and Googling carbohydrates in foods, so I don't have much more time. Now I need to go prepare and start dinner for Riley and I. So this will have to do for now. :)