Graham is 6 weeks old today. He is currently snoring on my chest in the Moby wrap. Riley and I went for a walk tonight since it was still beautiful out. I'm not looking forward to winter being cold and wet and less outdoor friendly, so we took advantage of the last day of Summer.
Graham is looking to have a milk allergy. I'm not excited about this. I'm going to try to get milk out of my diet and see if that helps him. He pukes a lot and now is starting to get a rash on his face and neck. I originally thought it was from moisture as he will often puke at night and not fuss or wake up so he has a wet bib on for multiple hours when asleep. But today, after he had some formula for the first time, it seemed to be worse. I love my nonfat caramel macchiatos. (I was just going to go into how soy milk adds points to my drink, and pulled up the nutrition facts only to find that a Grande with soy milk is 6 points, as opposed to 5 points for one with Nonfat milk. A Tall is only one point less for both soy and nonfat milk.) So I suppose I will try soy milk and see if I like it. I will try to go milk free for 2 weeks and see if it makes any difference in his puking and his rash. I really hope it isn't the case. Because I love ice cream. ;)
He is really starting to get interactive. He smiles here and there and has said some "goos." But mostly he screams and cries. ;) He seems to think that if he is awake he should be eating, and he will let you know if he doesn't get fed when he wakes up. :) He can be soothed, but he seems to do better with me soothing him. Thankfully, he takes a pacifier most of the time. But there is a point of no return: if he gets mad enough he will not take the pacifier, and will get even more mad at you if you keep trying. Needless to say, he does cry quite a lot as I have another little boy to feed and clothe and entertain. Each day there seems to be a bit more time where he will just be awake looking around, kicking and working on his karate chop. But it is still pretty fleeting.
Yesterday he weighed in at 9 pounds 4.5 ounces. (And I just looked and that is EXACTLY what Riley weighed at 6 weeks. Crazy!) He is gaining, but slowly. I am okay with this, because I like having a little baby for as long as possible. He is still in newborn size diapers, but will be moving up to size 1 here soon. Today I put him in a 3 months outfit (because all of the newborn ones need washed, as I only have about 5) and he almost fits. It is still big on him though.
Riley is really starting to be a big help around the house. He will bring me things (if he knows where it is) when I ask, and can entertain himself without a problem. A couple nights ago at bedtime Graham was screaming because he was hungry, but I needed to set him down to pick up a few things in Riley's room. So I propped him up in Riley's bed. Riley thought this was the best idea, jumped in bed and slid right up to Graham with his head on his bear (which he uses as a pillow) and told me to put his blankets on him. I put the blanket on Riley only and he said "No, mommy. On him too." So I put the blankets on them both. Then Riley said "Goodnight Mommy!" With Graham screaming next to him. :) Such a silly man. He was okay with me taking Graham with me though and did not throw a fit. (Which, with a toddler is completely possible.)
Riley gives Baby Brother kisses, eskimos and hugs whenever he thinks to. Which often means when he is asleep. Riley cannot wait to play with his brother. I'm hoping this attitude doesn't change much, though I realize that they will fight regardless of how well they get along. It is inevitable.
Riley is talking up a storm. He cracks me up every day. Some of the things he says are priceless. He is starting to have fights with himself, or rather his hands will talk to each other and disagree. "Are you dancing? No! I'm not." His hands have said to each other. And on and on he goes. He can count to 10, sometimes starting at 1, but other times starting at 5. :) We are working on colors now, but he seems to be slow with this. Who knows, maybe he is color blind. Or perhaps it isn't important to him right now. :)
Well, this is all I have for now. My weight loss journey is continuing. And so far is going well. I'll post more on this later. :) Maybe...
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
A day on plan
Another post related to my Weight Watchers journey. Today I can say that I successfully stayed within my Daily Points. Yesterday I did not. But that is why we have those extra weekly points available, right?! Today I tracked most of my meals before I ate. This led to me having to change my tracking, because I didn't finish my tuna sandwich at lunch time. I only ate half of it. One of my problems is that I tend to eat until the food is gone, instead of until I am satisfied. I am making an effort to listen to my body instead of mindlessly eating.
Because I had only used 10 of my points for breakfast and lunch (and I've given myself 43 points per day) I relaxed a bit for dinner at Azteca with my parents. I tracked afterwards for that, but I tried to keep track in my head of all that I ate. The scale will tell me how I did next week. It felt good to be in control today. Though I must admit I felt really hungry for some of the morning. I set some carrots out on the counter for me to nibble on during those times when I felt bored and ready to eat again. Which really helped.
For dessert tonight Riley and I shared a WW Chocolate smoothie blended with 2% milk, ice and a frozen banana. I've been collecting bananas for a while, mostly to make banana bread, but decided that I wanted to try it in a smoothie tonight. It was good. Albeit a little mild. I had to add water, since the ice and frozen banana made it really thick, so next time I think I'll add about half as much ice. We'll see. But it was only 3 points for a grande size smoothie. (Riley had a tall, and there is another "tall" amount in my freezer now for another day.) Could have been less points if I had 1% or nonfat milk, but Riley is drinking 2% and is the main milk drinker in the house.
Riley and I love making and enjoying smoothies. :) And with fruit and veggies being 0 points, I can have a pretty satisfying smoothie for very few points. Looking forward to more in the future! :)
Because I had only used 10 of my points for breakfast and lunch (and I've given myself 43 points per day) I relaxed a bit for dinner at Azteca with my parents. I tracked afterwards for that, but I tried to keep track in my head of all that I ate. The scale will tell me how I did next week. It felt good to be in control today. Though I must admit I felt really hungry for some of the morning. I set some carrots out on the counter for me to nibble on during those times when I felt bored and ready to eat again. Which really helped.
For dessert tonight Riley and I shared a WW Chocolate smoothie blended with 2% milk, ice and a frozen banana. I've been collecting bananas for a while, mostly to make banana bread, but decided that I wanted to try it in a smoothie tonight. It was good. Albeit a little mild. I had to add water, since the ice and frozen banana made it really thick, so next time I think I'll add about half as much ice. We'll see. But it was only 3 points for a grande size smoothie. (Riley had a tall, and there is another "tall" amount in my freezer now for another day.) Could have been less points if I had 1% or nonfat milk, but Riley is drinking 2% and is the main milk drinker in the house.
Riley and I love making and enjoying smoothies. :) And with fruit and veggies being 0 points, I can have a pretty satisfying smoothie for very few points. Looking forward to more in the future! :)
On baby weight.
Today I forced myself to go in and get weighed. I was a little disappointed, because my home scale read 3-4 pounds lighter, but I dealt with it. It is my starting point. It is my kick-start to get losing.
Graham will be 4 weeks tomorrow. And I have 24 pounds to lose. That's about 1.5 pounds a week if I do it as quickly as before. Full disclosure: I raised my goal weight by a few pounds, because I was finding it difficult to maintain the original weight I picked before I got pregnant. I only raised it by 3 pounds, because I would rather be happy and healthy, than stressed and healthy. :P And hey, if I'm able to lose more and maintain it this time, I'll go for that too. :)
But honestly, I'm really not ready to start this weight loss journey. Junk food tastes good! Sweets make me happy. Celebrations are on their way! Halloween. Thanksgiving. Riley's 3rd birthday! Christmas. Plus Fall brings so many comfort foods and baked goods. And I love baking.
I told myself I would not find myself right back here, but here I am again. I went back and read all my posts related to weight loss, and wouldn't you know, the same themes and feelings are current in my life now. The first one is here.
Here I am post baby #2 and I'm not happy with my outward appearance. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm disgusted. I do not feel attractive, naked or clothed. I fear it will have some affect on the already strained relationship with my husband. So you would think that my motivation would be there. That I would be driven to lose, and yet the opposite is true. I'm clinging to food like it is a long lost friend. (After having gestational diabetes yet again, in some ways food is a long lost friend.) But I know that I should not use food as an outlet for my emotions; as a blanket to comfort me. I know. I have been here before. I know the journey. I know the program works. I know I'll feel and look amazing once the weight is off. But it seems like an eternity away. And homemade Oreo ice cream tastes good in the here and now.
In many ways I'm nervous that the weight won't come off like it did before. I'm also scared that the flabby belly I'm carrying around with me won't shrink back down. Why didn't I take pictures of my body after I lost the weight before? (I know why I didn't take before pictures, but now I wish I had them. Because I'm sure my body looks similar now, but I don't remember it ever being this bad.)
And then I need to remember that when I joined Weight Watchers, Riley was 9 months old. I had my fill of baked goods and fast food, and was tired of hoping the weight would fall off. I see it all the time on Facebook: My baby is 6 weeks old and I'm back in my pre-pregnancy jeans! or After 2 months I can say I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant!
And perhaps these ladies only gained the 15-20 pounds that the books tell you is healthy. (Though I just looked it up and the Mayo Clinic says 25-35 pounds is healthy for a person of normal BMI before getting pregnant.) I didn't do as bad as I thought. But...full disclosure...I gained 45 extra pounds. My willpower is awfully weak. (And my first trimester nausea is not strong enough!) But, hey! I'm consistent. I gained 45 pounds with Riley as well. I told myself I wouldn't...and honestly I did do better this time with my food choices, but here I am. And I have digressed, but I really do have to think about un-friending, and or hiding the aforementioned lucky ladies. (Just so you know, it takes a lot of willpower for me to not use a curse word to describe them.) :) But seriously, they should be happy, but seeing their good fortune just makes me focus on how I am not as lucky.
Where am I going with this?
This is my honest post on my weight loss journey. My struggles. Because it is okay to have ups and downs with weight. Because it is okay for someone who made Lifetime status to struggle too. Because I am human too. And I will lose this weight.
I went in today, despite not wanting to see that number on the scale, in order to hold myself accountable. I've been weighing myself at home and I have had some weight loss, but the last couple weeks I've been pretty stable. So I suppose it is time to get serious and start tracking. I mentioned before that I read over all of the weight loss posts that I shared before, and I found this (It was in a post after my first weight loss, I lost 1.6 pounds but was a little disappointed, expecting more of a loss.):
"And then I sat down and the meeting was exactly what I needed to hear. The leader read a poem about a pound of fat. The message was that people tend to say "I only lost a pound." Or "it was just a pound." And saying things like that make it seem like it isn't an accomplishment. When really the weight will be lost one pound at a time. She then equated it to a puzzle, and how a person doesn't approach a puzzle thinking they will throw several pieces together at a time; instead a person approaches a puzzle with one piece at a time. Obviously I have truncated the message, but hopefully you get the idea." (You can find the post here)
So, here I go. One puzzle piece at a time.
Graham will be 4 weeks tomorrow. And I have 24 pounds to lose. That's about 1.5 pounds a week if I do it as quickly as before. Full disclosure: I raised my goal weight by a few pounds, because I was finding it difficult to maintain the original weight I picked before I got pregnant. I only raised it by 3 pounds, because I would rather be happy and healthy, than stressed and healthy. :P And hey, if I'm able to lose more and maintain it this time, I'll go for that too. :)
But honestly, I'm really not ready to start this weight loss journey. Junk food tastes good! Sweets make me happy. Celebrations are on their way! Halloween. Thanksgiving. Riley's 3rd birthday! Christmas. Plus Fall brings so many comfort foods and baked goods. And I love baking.
I told myself I would not find myself right back here, but here I am again. I went back and read all my posts related to weight loss, and wouldn't you know, the same themes and feelings are current in my life now. The first one is here.
Here I am post baby #2 and I'm not happy with my outward appearance. I look at myself in the mirror and I'm disgusted. I do not feel attractive, naked or clothed. I fear it will have some affect on the already strained relationship with my husband. So you would think that my motivation would be there. That I would be driven to lose, and yet the opposite is true. I'm clinging to food like it is a long lost friend. (After having gestational diabetes yet again, in some ways food is a long lost friend.) But I know that I should not use food as an outlet for my emotions; as a blanket to comfort me. I know. I have been here before. I know the journey. I know the program works. I know I'll feel and look amazing once the weight is off. But it seems like an eternity away. And homemade Oreo ice cream tastes good in the here and now.
In many ways I'm nervous that the weight won't come off like it did before. I'm also scared that the flabby belly I'm carrying around with me won't shrink back down. Why didn't I take pictures of my body after I lost the weight before? (I know why I didn't take before pictures, but now I wish I had them. Because I'm sure my body looks similar now, but I don't remember it ever being this bad.)
And then I need to remember that when I joined Weight Watchers, Riley was 9 months old. I had my fill of baked goods and fast food, and was tired of hoping the weight would fall off. I see it all the time on Facebook: My baby is 6 weeks old and I'm back in my pre-pregnancy jeans! or After 2 months I can say I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant!
And perhaps these ladies only gained the 15-20 pounds that the books tell you is healthy. (Though I just looked it up and the Mayo Clinic says 25-35 pounds is healthy for a person of normal BMI before getting pregnant.) I didn't do as bad as I thought. But...full disclosure...I gained 45 extra pounds. My willpower is awfully weak. (And my first trimester nausea is not strong enough!) But, hey! I'm consistent. I gained 45 pounds with Riley as well. I told myself I wouldn't...and honestly I did do better this time with my food choices, but here I am. And I have digressed, but I really do have to think about un-friending, and or hiding the aforementioned lucky ladies. (Just so you know, it takes a lot of willpower for me to not use a curse word to describe them.) :) But seriously, they should be happy, but seeing their good fortune just makes me focus on how I am not as lucky.
Where am I going with this?
This is my honest post on my weight loss journey. My struggles. Because it is okay to have ups and downs with weight. Because it is okay for someone who made Lifetime status to struggle too. Because I am human too. And I will lose this weight.
I went in today, despite not wanting to see that number on the scale, in order to hold myself accountable. I've been weighing myself at home and I have had some weight loss, but the last couple weeks I've been pretty stable. So I suppose it is time to get serious and start tracking. I mentioned before that I read over all of the weight loss posts that I shared before, and I found this (It was in a post after my first weight loss, I lost 1.6 pounds but was a little disappointed, expecting more of a loss.):
"And then I sat down and the meeting was exactly what I needed to hear. The leader read a poem about a pound of fat. The message was that people tend to say "I only lost a pound." Or "it was just a pound." And saying things like that make it seem like it isn't an accomplishment. When really the weight will be lost one pound at a time. She then equated it to a puzzle, and how a person doesn't approach a puzzle thinking they will throw several pieces together at a time; instead a person approaches a puzzle with one piece at a time. Obviously I have truncated the message, but hopefully you get the idea." (You can find the post here)
So, here I go. One puzzle piece at a time.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Graham Edwin: The Birth Story
If you remember, I was very frustrated with how this pregnancy was going. I had agreed to an induction, but was getting denied the opportunity to go into the hospital. They kept telling me to call in, and every time they would say, call back in a couple hours. It was mentally draining. I was struggling with the concept. I shed many, many tears. My sleep was interrupted on Wednesday, as they told me to call in at 6 am, 9 am, and 11 am. Finally, at 11 am they gave me a check in time of 1 pm. If they didn't call me before then.
Finally relief! I showered, packed up our stuff, and we were on our way.
The issue: the hospital went "live" with electronic charting and orders on the Saturday before, so everything in the hospital was slower than normal. (And, I assume, the staffing ratios were even more important to keep low, since the nurses had a lot of new stuff to watch out for.)
We were checked into our room, and an hour later I received the first dose of cytotec, a pill. Cytotec is used to start labor by softening the cervix. After talking with the nurse about my first labor and delivery, she told me that Riley's birth was also an induction. I never considered that, since my water spontaneously broke. However, since contractions needed help to really get started, with cytotec, it was considered an induction.
I was given my first dose at 2:45pm. It is given every 3 hours. I had to be monitored for 1 hour after taking it, but then was allowed to walk and leave the floor. It was nice to be able to walk around and feel like a normal person. Unfortunately, the cytotec didn't do much as far as changing my cervix. I was at 1-2cm when I arrived at the hospital, and after 2 doses, I was at a 2. My contractions were irregular, and mostly mild. At 11 pm the new night nurse came in to meet me. She said that the midwife was on her way in, and we would find out if I would be staying in the hospital or going home.
I was not too excited to hear this. She said sometimes cytotec doesn't work, and mothers can go home for a couple days until labor starts. I was ready to put up a fight. Sure, my contractions weren't regular. But I wasn't always comfortable. How would I know to come back in?
So, I was left to labor for a while as we waited for the midwife to come. It was 1245 before I saw my nurse again. I still hadn't seen a midwife, but my contractions were still there. Irregular, but there. My nurse tells me that the midwife says I get to stay. And she is going to start me on pitocin. So she had to start an IV.
The first attempt was painful, and unfortunately she wasn't successful. I was praying that her second attempt would be a success, because I didn't want to go all "nurse" on her. The cannulas they use feel like they are as big as a drinking straw, I swear! The second IV was just as painful, but it was a success. So, she started up the pitocin. I was a bit nervous. Pitocin makes the contractions more regular, but they are unnatural. Now, I was supposed to stay on the monitor, which meant I was supposed to stay in bed. The contractions really started picking up. For me at least. They were quite painful. All I wanted to do was get up and move. My nurse, when she was in there, was very helpful in telling me to let the contractions be. My gut reaction was to tighten and fight the contractions. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, so I would walk the short distance to the bathroom.
I had the typical bowel movement, and I began realizing I was starting labor. But I was trying to be quiet about it. I felt like the monitor was showing mild contractions, and if I was whining about them I was just being a baby. So I tried to be as quiet and stoic about them as possible.
But eventually I wore down. I was snappy at my mom at times, which was a completely different experience from when I was laboring with Riley. With Riley I pretty much asked for the epidural once contractions started, so the rest of my labor I was comfortable and a little medicated.
My mother-in-law had a flight to catch. She had delayed it when we though I was going in on Tuesday, thinking she would get to meet the baby, then leave the following day. But now it was looking as if she wouldn't get to meet him after all. She had a car coming to pick her up at our house at 5:30am. Just before 4:00am, she decides she needs to leave. So she and Jamaal leave to go get her car. It was while they were gone that I asked my nurse: "What do I need to be to get an epidural?" She said at least 4cm dilated. She went to get the midwife, to see if she wanted to be the one to check me. So, I went to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet I chanted: Please be a 4! Please be a 4! I was ready to relax.
The nurse came back 10 minutes later (which felt like an eternity) saying that the midwife was in a delivery, so she would be the one to check me. I was at a 5 or a 6, and my bag of water was bulging. Whew! "Epidural it up!" I said. But first she had to run a bolus of fluid in. And she increased the rate of the IV fluids. Time seemed to stop. It was 4:00am at this point. Jamaal got back in the room around 4:20. They sent my mom out of the room saying that only one family member could be there while the epidural was being placed.
At around 4:30 or so people started coming in to get the room ready. And they set me up on the side of the bed. The anesthesiologist came in the room and immediately went on the computer. He started asking me questions, but at this point my contractions were bad enough that I really could not talk through them. And they seemed to be on top of each other, so I was having a rough time answering. I was very irritated with the guy, but didn't want to be mean to him because he had the drugs.
Finally they got me positioned, and he started prepping me. At 4:45am a lot of things happened. He had the epidural needle in my back and I said "Uh oh." Everyone in the room stopped. For a second it was silent. They asked me what was wrong and my water broke. The reason I said "uh oh" was I had an overwhelming desire to push. So much so that I really could not fight it. My eyes were huge as I looked to my nurse who was helping me to stay in position. She calmed me down, told me to make small grunts if I had to push, but that was impossible. It was like putting a starving person in front of a buffet and telling them to not eat. I was panicked. My worst fear realized: having no pain relief for the delivery. The anesthesiologist started to speed things up. He got the catheter in, and gave me a bolus of numbing medicine and some fentanyl. I felt some relief. But I still felt like pushing. It was then that my nurse told me that once he was done, we would swing my legs over onto the bed, and start pushing. You're going to have a baby, they kept saying but I was still worried. How the heck was I going to make it through this!?
Meanwhile, my mom was out in the waiting area. When my water broke, there was quite a commotion. I believe that is when the midwife got in the room, and people started breaking the bed down. She heard the noise and got back to my room as quick as she could. Someone at the door stopped her from coming in. Asked her who she was, (she responded with "Mom") And they asked Jamaal if "mom" could come in, and he said yes. I was too busy trying (unsuccessfully) to keep from pushing.
And my nurse was right. The nurses helped me swing my legs back on the bed, and the midwife checked be and confirmed that I was ready to push. I want to say I pushed for a total of 5 contractions. In between one of them I said "Riley is my favorite." :) I was joking of course, but this delivery for sure hurt worse than Riley's. The midwife was very helpful, and my nurse was right there talking me through it. At 5:13am Graham Edwin Neagle was born. He cried immediately. And apparently had his hand at his face, so the midwife is certain he would have been out sooner if he had his arms at his sides.
I didn't tear or need stitches, which was a relief. The midwife and I introduce ourselves to each other. She had come in the room to meet me, little did she know she would be delivering my baby first. :) He was, and is, perfect.
Finally relief! I showered, packed up our stuff, and we were on our way.
The issue: the hospital went "live" with electronic charting and orders on the Saturday before, so everything in the hospital was slower than normal. (And, I assume, the staffing ratios were even more important to keep low, since the nurses had a lot of new stuff to watch out for.)
We were checked into our room, and an hour later I received the first dose of cytotec, a pill. Cytotec is used to start labor by softening the cervix. After talking with the nurse about my first labor and delivery, she told me that Riley's birth was also an induction. I never considered that, since my water spontaneously broke. However, since contractions needed help to really get started, with cytotec, it was considered an induction.
I was given my first dose at 2:45pm. It is given every 3 hours. I had to be monitored for 1 hour after taking it, but then was allowed to walk and leave the floor. It was nice to be able to walk around and feel like a normal person. Unfortunately, the cytotec didn't do much as far as changing my cervix. I was at 1-2cm when I arrived at the hospital, and after 2 doses, I was at a 2. My contractions were irregular, and mostly mild. At 11 pm the new night nurse came in to meet me. She said that the midwife was on her way in, and we would find out if I would be staying in the hospital or going home.
I was not too excited to hear this. She said sometimes cytotec doesn't work, and mothers can go home for a couple days until labor starts. I was ready to put up a fight. Sure, my contractions weren't regular. But I wasn't always comfortable. How would I know to come back in?
So, I was left to labor for a while as we waited for the midwife to come. It was 1245 before I saw my nurse again. I still hadn't seen a midwife, but my contractions were still there. Irregular, but there. My nurse tells me that the midwife says I get to stay. And she is going to start me on pitocin. So she had to start an IV.
The first attempt was painful, and unfortunately she wasn't successful. I was praying that her second attempt would be a success, because I didn't want to go all "nurse" on her. The cannulas they use feel like they are as big as a drinking straw, I swear! The second IV was just as painful, but it was a success. So, she started up the pitocin. I was a bit nervous. Pitocin makes the contractions more regular, but they are unnatural. Now, I was supposed to stay on the monitor, which meant I was supposed to stay in bed. The contractions really started picking up. For me at least. They were quite painful. All I wanted to do was get up and move. My nurse, when she was in there, was very helpful in telling me to let the contractions be. My gut reaction was to tighten and fight the contractions. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 30 minutes or so, so I would walk the short distance to the bathroom.
I had the typical bowel movement, and I began realizing I was starting labor. But I was trying to be quiet about it. I felt like the monitor was showing mild contractions, and if I was whining about them I was just being a baby. So I tried to be as quiet and stoic about them as possible.
But eventually I wore down. I was snappy at my mom at times, which was a completely different experience from when I was laboring with Riley. With Riley I pretty much asked for the epidural once contractions started, so the rest of my labor I was comfortable and a little medicated.
My mother-in-law had a flight to catch. She had delayed it when we though I was going in on Tuesday, thinking she would get to meet the baby, then leave the following day. But now it was looking as if she wouldn't get to meet him after all. She had a car coming to pick her up at our house at 5:30am. Just before 4:00am, she decides she needs to leave. So she and Jamaal leave to go get her car. It was while they were gone that I asked my nurse: "What do I need to be to get an epidural?" She said at least 4cm dilated. She went to get the midwife, to see if she wanted to be the one to check me. So, I went to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet I chanted: Please be a 4! Please be a 4! I was ready to relax.
The nurse came back 10 minutes later (which felt like an eternity) saying that the midwife was in a delivery, so she would be the one to check me. I was at a 5 or a 6, and my bag of water was bulging. Whew! "Epidural it up!" I said. But first she had to run a bolus of fluid in. And she increased the rate of the IV fluids. Time seemed to stop. It was 4:00am at this point. Jamaal got back in the room around 4:20. They sent my mom out of the room saying that only one family member could be there while the epidural was being placed.
At around 4:30 or so people started coming in to get the room ready. And they set me up on the side of the bed. The anesthesiologist came in the room and immediately went on the computer. He started asking me questions, but at this point my contractions were bad enough that I really could not talk through them. And they seemed to be on top of each other, so I was having a rough time answering. I was very irritated with the guy, but didn't want to be mean to him because he had the drugs.
Finally they got me positioned, and he started prepping me. At 4:45am a lot of things happened. He had the epidural needle in my back and I said "Uh oh." Everyone in the room stopped. For a second it was silent. They asked me what was wrong and my water broke. The reason I said "uh oh" was I had an overwhelming desire to push. So much so that I really could not fight it. My eyes were huge as I looked to my nurse who was helping me to stay in position. She calmed me down, told me to make small grunts if I had to push, but that was impossible. It was like putting a starving person in front of a buffet and telling them to not eat. I was panicked. My worst fear realized: having no pain relief for the delivery. The anesthesiologist started to speed things up. He got the catheter in, and gave me a bolus of numbing medicine and some fentanyl. I felt some relief. But I still felt like pushing. It was then that my nurse told me that once he was done, we would swing my legs over onto the bed, and start pushing. You're going to have a baby, they kept saying but I was still worried. How the heck was I going to make it through this!?
Meanwhile, my mom was out in the waiting area. When my water broke, there was quite a commotion. I believe that is when the midwife got in the room, and people started breaking the bed down. She heard the noise and got back to my room as quick as she could. Someone at the door stopped her from coming in. Asked her who she was, (she responded with "Mom") And they asked Jamaal if "mom" could come in, and he said yes. I was too busy trying (unsuccessfully) to keep from pushing.
And my nurse was right. The nurses helped me swing my legs back on the bed, and the midwife checked be and confirmed that I was ready to push. I want to say I pushed for a total of 5 contractions. In between one of them I said "Riley is my favorite." :) I was joking of course, but this delivery for sure hurt worse than Riley's. The midwife was very helpful, and my nurse was right there talking me through it. At 5:13am Graham Edwin Neagle was born. He cried immediately. And apparently had his hand at his face, so the midwife is certain he would have been out sooner if he had his arms at his sides.
I didn't tear or need stitches, which was a relief. The midwife and I introduce ourselves to each other. She had come in the room to meet me, little did she know she would be delivering my baby first. :) He was, and is, perfect.
Graham Edwin Neagle
Born 8/8/2013 at 5:13am
7 lbs 10 oz
18.25" long
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The waiting game
I knew it was silly of me to expect the same birth story with my second pregnancy as my first. I knew I was being optimistic imagining my water breaking at 38 weeks, yet again. My midwife called me last weekend, because she realized we hadn't talked about induction, and she was not going to be the one to see me at my next appointment. It was weird to get her call. But I refused. No induction for me. Don't you know what an induction means? More pain. More monitoring. More expectations, in less time. Equaling a higher chance of cesarean.
Besides, it doesn't matter. I'm going to have this baby tomorrow. I've been having contractions. Sometimes to the point where I figure I will be woken up in lots of pain, and have to throw everything in the car. Call someone to either come over and sleep so Riley can be left in his bed. Or stow him away in his car seat and have someone take him away for us. Children really make this whole labor thing a bit more complicated.
But a week went by and my cervix didn't change. And then I realized I was almost full term. Being gestational diabetic, I knew they were going to force me to be induced if I didn't agree to it anyway. And I started to realize I was tired of this whole situation. My ankles are huge. We're talking the size of grapefruits. And my calves are just as big. You know they're big when people comment on the size of them. As if I don't already know. I can't cross my legs, sit on the floor, wash my feet, paint my toenails, or wear any shoes except for flip flops that I bought two sizes too big. I can't even go to the bathroom without underwear dents in my legs afterwards. In some respect, I've hoped for elevated blood pressures just so they would have to induce me. But I'm thankful that it is not. Pre-eclampsia is very dangerous for both baby and mom, and I really do not wish it on anyone. But sometimes, in desperation, I've had these thoughts.
Knowing that my midwife is on call on Tuesdays I called in this Monday to request an induction. They squeezed me in to be seen. The hospital requires a consent and a vaginal exam be done prior to scheduling anything. I was at about the same. Not much of a change. If any at all. They gave me an appointment at 7pm for the next day.
We took Riley to his first theater movie. We visited with family. I called at 5pm as instructed, and was told that they anticipate getting me in later that night, but to call again at 7:30pm. My parents came and got him for dinner, as they will keep him overnight for us. And I call as instructed, and they are having a hard time finding the charge nurse. Can they call me back? After waiting for about 15 minutes, they call me back and tell me that they are just too full. But they could call me in the middle of the night, if I wanted. Or I could call them at 6am. No joke I sat on the phone for 8 minutes thinking about what I wanted. The lady on the other end explained my options a couple times, probably to fill the awkward silence as I thought. I would have the opportunity to see my midwife if I went in tonight. But she is off at 7 am, and would likely not be the one delivering my baby anyway. And in this situation we would have interrupted sleep, or none at all as I would be waiting for the phone call, trying not to sleep too deeply. But calling in at 6am? My midwife won't see me at all. It will be someone unknown to me. I hope that it is someone nice. But it is a big let down to know that Jennifer will not be there. I really trust her. She is fun and friendly and reminds me a lot of my other midwife who delivered Riley. And then there is the thought that I still might not get a time. This type of waiting is much much worse. I was already anxious about being induced. And now that anxiety is just prolonged. I have appointments on Thursday, and at this point I anticipate going to them.
And finally, my mother-in-law postponed her work trip until Thursday so that she can be there for the birth. And now, I'm beginning to wonder if she will get to meet him or not. I have been a wreck ever since I got off the phone with the hospital. I went shopping this afternoon for some carbohydrates. I figured I would be craving them after the delivery, and would finally be able to eat whatever I desire. But again there is a delay. And then there is the heartburn that just won't go away. Ugh. I swear I never felt this over being pregnant with Riley. I guess that is what happens when you give birth a few weeks early.
I hope to have a happy post up on here in a couple days, but for now you will have to deal with my pity party for one.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Updates
-1-
The other night I came to the realization that I have no idea what it will be like when labor starts. With Riley, my water broke. I didn't have contractions immediately prior. I was eating a bratwurst on the couch, preparing for a night shift of work, and thought I wet myself a little bit. Went to the bathroom and while I was washing my hands, I realized I was still leaking. From that moment on, it was a whirlwind. I have mentioned this to a few people and they all laugh at me and say "You'll know." But come on people, women get sent home everyday for false labor. I don't want that to be me!
-2-
This upcoming Saturday marks the longest I've ever been pregnant. This is difficult for me to deal with. I've been ready to go for weeks. Last week I was having pretty obnoxious contractions. They weren't horribly painful, but they were uncomfortable. But this week I'm having hardly any. Makes me think this baby just doesn't want to come out. My midwife has "threatened" induction if I don't go on my own. With gestational diabetes they get nervous that the baby will get too big. So I am a bit paranoid.
-3-
My mom is out of town until late Sunday or Monday. So it would be ideal for her if he were to wait until then. I'm scheduled to work Sunday thru Tuesday this week for my last shifts at work, and I really dread it. I think I'll go in on Sunday but call it quits for Monday and Tuesday. We'll see though. I really don't want to "waste" my time off without a little newborn. Because that just means he will be even younger when I return.
-4-
This heat has caught up with me. Today was the first time I was really uncomfortable. I had to run to Target to get an air pump so we could set up the pool. Then the hose water was so cold that I could only stand in it with the water to my mid-calf. It was painful at first, but felt so good after a few minutes. It helped to cool me down. Riley, was not impressed though. He put a toe in, then lifted his legs up saying "up! up!" (I was holding him). He wanted to play in it, but didn't want to get cold. So tomorrow should be better for us. It won't be quite so cold. Just watch it be 65 degrees tomorrow.
-5-
I'm having lots of dreams of sweets and carbs. Pies. Cakes. Candy. Ice cream. I want everything. Anything. I can have small amounts of them, but for the most part I stay away. I found that Balance Bar has a Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough protein bar that fills my "candy" craving and doesn't mess my sugars up. I've gone through 3 boxes already. (they have 6 in a box) To be fair, Riley has helped a little. But for the most part, I try to hide that I'm eating them from him. They are too good to share! :)
Friday, June 21, 2013
Woe is me.
Gestational Diabetes is difficult. I remember now, all of those thoughts I had shoved into the deep dark corners of my mind. The difficult, trying times I had when pregnant before, that I forced myself to forget about. There's something about a beautiful, warm, wiggly infant that makes you forget everything terrible that happened when he was forming in the womb. I was incredibly hopeful that I might not be diagnosed with GD this time though.
And, okay, my blood sugars are pretty well controlled. I was just barely diagnosed this time. (Meaning I only had one elevated blood sugar during the 2-hour test and it was only a smidge over, but it only takes one elevated blood sugar to diagnose a lady.)
I am better now, at keeping myself satisfied. The first go around I had no understanding of protein. It was difficult for me because my diet before I got pregnant consisted mostly of carbohydrates. This time, my diet was more well rounded. That being said, I still wish I could have a pan of brownies on my stove without worrying that I won't be able to stay away from them. Last night, Riley saw a box that holds a cupcake display on my kitchen table (I borrowed it from my mom for Riley's birthday and haven't returned it yet...) It has pictures of different types of cupcakes being displayed and he said "Cars cupcakes in there?" But cupcakes really comes out something like "cuh-kays." He remembered his birthday cupcakes that had McQueen and Mater on them. Then he really badly wanted to make some. And so did I. But I knew that if I made a bunch of cupcakes, I would also want to eat a bunch of cupcakes, and it is better that I don't right now.
It is kind of funny to me, in a sick way. When I was on Weight Watchers, I could have "dangerous" things in my house. I could make brownies for my husband. I could have made cupcakes for Riley. And I might have had some, but I would have stopped at one. And might not even be tempted, depending on how many points I had available. Whereas now, I don't think I could resist. It is what I crave the most, and my will power is wearing thin. The difference is right now what I eat doesn't just affect me. It also will affect this little wiggly baby. I do not want him to be a huge newborn, and keeping my sugars in control will help that. But also I don't want to have to stay longer in the hospital if his blood sugars won't regulate. And I don't want them to make me supplement if I can help it.
I'm planning my first meals right now, though they might change later on down the road. You better believe a milk shake is one of the first things on my list.
That being said, I'm finding out that sometimes carbs aren't really necessary: I had a lettuce wrapped burger the other day that was really quite tasty! So I was able to have onion rings with it, since I didn't waste my carbohydrates on the bun. It was one of the most satisfying "out to eat" moments I've had. I didn't feel like I was missing out.
The education I got this time was helpful in some ways, but the nurse does not teach carb counting (as I was taught the last time). Instead she tells me I have certain times of the day when I can have certain food groups. I was appalled when she basically told me I could have fruit with dinner, and with a bedtime snack that also had some protein. I'm sorry, but fruit is a big saving grace for me. I need the sweetness to keep me away from brownies and cupcakes and chocolate. And so, I've pretty much taken from her teachings what I want, and count carbs like I have done in the past. One thing she mentioned to me, and I have found to be true, is: if you eat only carbs at bedtime, the fasting blood sugar in the morning will be higher. And this is because as you sleep, your body freaks out because your easy access food supply is burned off rather quickly. So your liver will dump out some sugars to make sure your brain and heart get the sugars they need to function. The problem is, the liver dumps too much, causing elevated fasting blood sugars. However, if you add some protein, the body has to take longer to process it, so the liver doesn't get the message to dump sugars.
Another little thing she told me, was carbs are best eaten 4-5 hours after waking. This is because the body just slowed down all of its processes for sleep, and it takes a while for it to wake up again to process the food we eat. What this boils down to is I cannot tolerate oatmeal in the morning. I have tried twice, and both times my blood sugars have been on the higher side. It is really sad, because I love my oatmeal. And so does little Riley. :) But Adams peanut butter on two slices of low calorie bread with some sliced strawberries on top is really hitting the spot in the morning. I found some Greek yogurt with only 9 carbs in it that really satisfies, so I'll eat a cup of that as well.
But there are really depressing, stomach growling moments where I really wish I could have some ice cream or other carbohydrate, and I long for time to pass more quickly. Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks. Only 5-7 more to go!
And, okay, my blood sugars are pretty well controlled. I was just barely diagnosed this time. (Meaning I only had one elevated blood sugar during the 2-hour test and it was only a smidge over, but it only takes one elevated blood sugar to diagnose a lady.)
I am better now, at keeping myself satisfied. The first go around I had no understanding of protein. It was difficult for me because my diet before I got pregnant consisted mostly of carbohydrates. This time, my diet was more well rounded. That being said, I still wish I could have a pan of brownies on my stove without worrying that I won't be able to stay away from them. Last night, Riley saw a box that holds a cupcake display on my kitchen table (I borrowed it from my mom for Riley's birthday and haven't returned it yet...) It has pictures of different types of cupcakes being displayed and he said "Cars cupcakes in there?" But cupcakes really comes out something like "cuh-kays." He remembered his birthday cupcakes that had McQueen and Mater on them. Then he really badly wanted to make some. And so did I. But I knew that if I made a bunch of cupcakes, I would also want to eat a bunch of cupcakes, and it is better that I don't right now.
It is kind of funny to me, in a sick way. When I was on Weight Watchers, I could have "dangerous" things in my house. I could make brownies for my husband. I could have made cupcakes for Riley. And I might have had some, but I would have stopped at one. And might not even be tempted, depending on how many points I had available. Whereas now, I don't think I could resist. It is what I crave the most, and my will power is wearing thin. The difference is right now what I eat doesn't just affect me. It also will affect this little wiggly baby. I do not want him to be a huge newborn, and keeping my sugars in control will help that. But also I don't want to have to stay longer in the hospital if his blood sugars won't regulate. And I don't want them to make me supplement if I can help it.
I'm planning my first meals right now, though they might change later on down the road. You better believe a milk shake is one of the first things on my list.
That being said, I'm finding out that sometimes carbs aren't really necessary: I had a lettuce wrapped burger the other day that was really quite tasty! So I was able to have onion rings with it, since I didn't waste my carbohydrates on the bun. It was one of the most satisfying "out to eat" moments I've had. I didn't feel like I was missing out.
The education I got this time was helpful in some ways, but the nurse does not teach carb counting (as I was taught the last time). Instead she tells me I have certain times of the day when I can have certain food groups. I was appalled when she basically told me I could have fruit with dinner, and with a bedtime snack that also had some protein. I'm sorry, but fruit is a big saving grace for me. I need the sweetness to keep me away from brownies and cupcakes and chocolate. And so, I've pretty much taken from her teachings what I want, and count carbs like I have done in the past. One thing she mentioned to me, and I have found to be true, is: if you eat only carbs at bedtime, the fasting blood sugar in the morning will be higher. And this is because as you sleep, your body freaks out because your easy access food supply is burned off rather quickly. So your liver will dump out some sugars to make sure your brain and heart get the sugars they need to function. The problem is, the liver dumps too much, causing elevated fasting blood sugars. However, if you add some protein, the body has to take longer to process it, so the liver doesn't get the message to dump sugars.
Another little thing she told me, was carbs are best eaten 4-5 hours after waking. This is because the body just slowed down all of its processes for sleep, and it takes a while for it to wake up again to process the food we eat. What this boils down to is I cannot tolerate oatmeal in the morning. I have tried twice, and both times my blood sugars have been on the higher side. It is really sad, because I love my oatmeal. And so does little Riley. :) But Adams peanut butter on two slices of low calorie bread with some sliced strawberries on top is really hitting the spot in the morning. I found some Greek yogurt with only 9 carbs in it that really satisfies, so I'll eat a cup of that as well.
But there are really depressing, stomach growling moments where I really wish I could have some ice cream or other carbohydrate, and I long for time to pass more quickly. Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks. Only 5-7 more to go!
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