Sleep is good

It has been two weeks now since I last posted. Where has the time gone? Not too much has happened, as we do a lot of nothing around here. But as always, I've had some bad days and good days.

I've found that Riley does much better when he visits with family and friends. He must get bored of Jamaal and I. We might not be giving him as much attention as he desires, I suppose. Though I feel that I'm constantly talking with/holding/bouncing/flirting with little Mr. Riley. Perhaps he thinks that I have to love him, since I'm his mother, and wants to get attention from somewhere else too. Whatever the reason, on days that we get out of the house, he tends to fuss less.

The other day, when Riley was crying for some unknown reason, I began crying too. Why won't my baby just be happy? Why does he cry so much? I know that babies cry, but some days he is inconsolable. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to his crying. Which just makes me feel helpless, and makes me wonder what I am doing wrong. During one of the sleepless nights, I desperately searched the Internet for some magic fix to help him get to sleep. Of course I found none, but I did read something along the lines of: if what you are doing is making you feel desperate, or causing lots of stress, you need to make a change to find something that does work for you. There isn't one right way to skin a cat, as they say. So, I find myself picking and choosing bits and pieces from different parenting styles.

About a week ago, during our moments of desperation, we put him in the swing and he cried it out until he fell asleep. Each night, it didn't take nearly as long for him to fall asleep, but we realized we needed to be able to get him to sleep without motion, since he will eventually not be able to go into the swing anymore. So I tried just laying him down in his own bed. We had a couple (two) nights in a row where he slept decently. By that I mean he slept in his own bed for 2.5-3 hour sessions. I felt like I got a lot more sleep, because I was able to sleep in positions that are comfortable to me. When he is next to me, I find myself in awkward positions, and never fully relax while I sleep. Amazingly enough, each time I layed him down, (after he nursed to sleep) he stayed asleep. I thought it was a miracle. I bragged about it to my parents, and the next night after I set him down, he woke up after a few minutes. I checked for a burp, checked his pants, nothing.

So, we've begun along the cry-it-out pathway, which has turned into a huge power struggle between two adults and their little offspring. Let me tell you, he is a stubborn one. (Unfortunately I cannot deny that he got this from me.) I haven't really read any books on the cry-it-out method, so we are kind of winging it. He is still right next to our bed, so we don't sleep at all while he cries. The night before last, after he cried for 45 minutes with no signs of stopping (we talked to him and comforted him a bit off and on), I said screw it, and brought him into bed with us. He then nursed and slept next to me for 5.5 hours.

Last night, same story. After crying and not acting like he would ever stop, I picked him up and put him in the swing, (which we still have in our room) and turned the music on its loudest setting. He stopped crying immediately. He didn't go to sleep immediately, but he was quiet and eventually fell asleep. I don't know when he fell asleep, because I woke up 6 hours later. I still get disoriented after long periods of sleep. I wake in sort of a panic. This morning was no different, I sat up, looked in his crib to find it empty, then remembered I had put him in the swing.

We are, as I said before, winging it right now. I'm not sure what I will do tonight. I end up doing what works that night. Unfortunately, we are quickly approaching the day when I return to work, so I have to find something that works for us. As it is he doesn't like to go to bed until 2300 or later, and I will have to get up around 0430 to feed him one last time and get ready for work. 4-5 hours will not cut it for me, especially when he often wakes every 2-3 hours to feed. I'm extremely nervous to go back.

I'm considering cutting back my hours even more, because I'm not sure I will like being away from him too much. The first schedule I'll go back to is a partial schedule, and if after a week I realize it is too much time away, I will cut down my hours. We have been making it on decreased pay, but I'll have to make sure that we could continue to make it on decreased pay. Oh how I wish I didn't have to work...

The little booger has woken up, so I have to go.