A mix of many things

Well I have scheduled my follow up with my thyroid MD, and we'll see how that goes. I'm nervous about it, mostly because I think I'll get chewed out. I want to get in there as soon as possible, hopefully get another ultrasound, and then decide. If I have the surgery at all, it would be good for me to get my surgery in before the year is over, because I have already paid my deductible for the year, and so it would be cheaper this year rather than waiting until next year.
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So I've decided that I'm kind of pathetic when it comes to listening to songs on the radio. I almost cry, or at least get watery eyes practically once a day just because of the songs I hear. One gets me every time:

"Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood.

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe something borrowed something blue
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears
oh she just couldn’t believe it she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands

Chorus: Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go I was counting on forever, now I'll never know I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him
oh and what could’ve been and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart

Chorus: Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go I was counting on forever, now I'll never know; I can't even breathe.
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to goI was counting on forever, now I'll never know Ohh i'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream just a dream, ya

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The first time I heard it I thought she was going to her wedding, so I was happy for her, but then I realized that he had died, and then I lose it. That would be a terrible thing. I don't think I could handle that. And I realize that he was in the military, but to me it's the same thing: loss is loss, and I just couldnt handle that. (I know most people don't think they could, but life will go on, and I know that I would be able to function, but I'm soooo not ready for that.) Don't know that I'd ever be, but that's beside the point...

I keep thinking more and more about my wedding day and hope that it will be soon. I keep hinting for 6/6/09, (so keep that date open...) and so that song scares me even more...

CDs I want: Carrie Underwood Carnival Ride; Taylor Swift's self titled album; and Jordin Sparks' self titled album.