As promised

Yesterday was our appointment with our midwife. It went well.

We started with the NST. This time they gave me a button to push when he moved. (I was disappointed, because after working all night, and napping for only 45 minutes before, I was ready to sleep through the NST. But instead I had to stay awake and push the button when he moved.)

For a pretty long time, he was sleeping, and not moving hardly at all. But eventually he woke up and was the crazy active guy that he was last time. I watched the strip carefully. Just as before, there were no "contractions" at the beginning, but about halfway in, there were a ton. Some I felt, others I didn't. I was beginning to panic. I knew, that they wouldn't give me medication to stop them, but I was nervous that I would have to be on bed rest.

When they finally took me off the monitor, they brought us into an exam room to wait for Angie (my midwife) to come talk to us. She looked at the strip, noted that he wasn't very active for the first half, but woke up about half-way through. She said his heart rate looked great, and he appeared healthy, and then folded it up and set it aside.

I was dumbfounded. She started to move on to the next topic, but I said "You aren't mad about the contractions?" She simply said "No, they appear to be uterine irritability, and not true contractions."

But they sent me to the hospital last week...and made me stay off my feet....and made me miss work...

She didn't really have an explanation or excuse for last week, but told me I could keep up with water aerobics and didn't have to be on pelvic rest. She told me that if I have 4 full belly, painful contractions in an hour, that I needed to come in, but until then, I'm just fine.

I'm a little bit upset with the last midwife. I got kind of used to the idea of having an early baby. Now I'm sure I'll either have him on Christmas day or after the New Year, because those are the two times I'd prefer to not have him. I'm also not looking forward to the bill. (Of course I know how fortunate I am to have insurance, but I have a $200 deductible per day for every day I'm in the hospital. I don't know if an hour long visit counts, but I'm sure it does...knowing my luck.)

Tomorrow I'm going to the Holiday Craft fair at the Puyallup fairgrounds with my mom and aunt. It will be a fun filled day, with lots of walking. And a wonderful Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte to start off the day. :D

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my next midwife appointment. I'm kind of looking forward to it, because I really want to know if these contractions are real or braxton hicks. I have tried to check my own cervix, but can't get up there far enough to feel. I don't know how my maternity instructor in school was able to check hers, she must have longer fingers. ;) Sorry if that grosses you out, but it is my cervix, and I am allowed to try to touch it if I want.

I'm really quite upset that they didn't check me last week. Oh well, I will request that they do so this week. I won't forget about it until I'm driving home thinking to myself...I wonder if I'm dilating at all.

Tonight I was supposed to work for 12-hours, but I woke up with an awful back ache, and I know that if I am sore now, it'll only be worse after working for 12-hours. At this point I'll still go in for the last 8-hours, but if I'm still sore, or contracting some more, I'll stay home. I just hate using up my benefit hours now and not for my maternity leave.

I have felt a few contractions, but they aren't painful, just uncomfortable. I've also had some "menstrual cramping," which I've read if you have that more than 4 times an hour you should call your provider. I've not had it that frequently, but it has woken me up during the day yesterday and today while I slept.

Speaking of sleep, I'm having a hard time sleeping lately. I wake up feeling beat up and hung over. I have to turn from side to side every hour or two, and usually have to pee every two hours anyway. Naps are my friend.

I'm hoping that my midwife will clear me to go to water aerobics tomorrow night, because that makes me feel so good afterwards. I didn't go earlier this week, only because they wanted me off my feet for the weekend. It technically isn't the weekend anymore, but, well, if my cervix is ripening water aerobics would only make it worse.

I can't wait until tomorrow morning!

If it's not one thing...

it's another.

Yesterday was my first fetal NST, and it went well...until the end. They left me on the monitor for a little longer than I needed to be, while I waited for a midwife to come and look at my strip. The strip shows the baby's heart rate and also shows uterine contractions. The baby's heart rate looked great. He's doing exactly what he should be doing. He looks healthy. But as I said, they left me on for a little longer than necessary, and near the end, I was showing little contractions. I didn't notice. It just feels like he's moving around in there to me.

The midwife was uncomfortable with just sending me back home, because I was contracting quite a bit for the last 10 minutes. At least, that is what they tell me. So, she wanted me to go across the street to the ER and get admitted to the antepartum unit for some more monitoring.

After some really slow lady discharged me from the ER to be admitted to the OB floor, I waited in a wheelchair for another pregnant lady who might have had her baby by now, to get checked in. She walked, and I rode. I felt guilty, but she was allowed to have her baby, and it was a long walk.

I was admitted to a really gorgeous, big room. It had a big tub in the middle of the room, and gorgeous views. I'm glad I liked it, because it's kind of late to change my mind now. ;)

My nurse was amazing. She had read my chart thoroughly, and knew a little more than I did about my pregnancy. She read in the note that I had an extra lobe on my placenta, which really doesn't mean anything, except that during the delivery, whoever delivers the placenta needs to look for that extra lobe. I'll try to remember to make sure they look for it. But I might be a bit distracted. ;)

Anyway, she put me on the monitor again, and like before, everything looked really good for the first 10 minutes. She told me, "if things keep looking like this you'll be out of here soon." And then about 5 minutes later she came back in and said, "the problem is that you're too skinny." Never in my life has anyone said that to me. But what she meant was, that my uterus is right at the surface of my belly. All of the fat that I used to have on my stomach moved back to my hips. I started contracting again. She said that it looked like little irritations on the strip. But again, I wasn't feeling them. The only way I felt them was if I pressed on my belly.

The midwife on call basically said that since I wasn't feeling them, they were small, and the treatment for preterm contractions would skyrocket my blood sugars, I could go home, if I rested over the weekend. "Stay off your feet" to be exact. It is really easy for me to be lazy, when I don't have to. But now I really want to do things, like buy fabric for the quilt that seems will never be done, laundry, and clean up the kitchen.

The good news is, that after next week, I'll be 34 weeks, and they don't do anything to stop contractions at 34 weeks. Of course, ideally he won't make his debut until 37 weeks. Oh how great it would be if I could have a slice of pie after Christmas dinner...I'm sure someone I know would like to share a birthday with this little guy...(I'll be 37 weeks on Dec. 10). The 7th is close enough, right Sarah?!

Some hard stuff

It has been quite some time since I last posted. I have a hard time posting when I'm upset about things.

Since the last time I posted, I am completely sickness free, and have been for quite some time. Every day after I posted was better than the one before, until I was no longer sniffly. Poor Jamaal got a taste of it too, though his did not last nearly as long as mine did.

I had a wonderful Baby shower with my friends and my side of the family. (Since Jamaal has soooo many Aunts and girl cousins, we will have a separate party for them.) Only my MIL and Jamaal's Grandma came to this party, and my mom will go to the next one.

We had a total of 8 trick or treaters come to our house this year...plus my 3 nephews. Jamaal bought several bags of candy, and I was giving out very large handfuls, and we still have way too much leftover. It calls to me.

Most of the candy he bought isn't really stuff I like anyway so I've been abstaining pretty well. But there are times when I falter.

If you remember last time I posted that I was waiting the results of my 1-hour glucose test, I found out the next day that I had failed it and needed to do the 3-hour test. The 3-hour test happened on that Saturday, where I was poked a total of 4 times for blood draws, and felt like I was going to puke for most of the 3-hours I spent at the lab.

Then on Monday, I found out I had failed that test too, and had gestational diabetes. I have to test my blood sugar 4 times a day and count carbohydrates in my diet. For the most part my sugars have been very well managed just with controlling my diet. I saw a mid-wife (a different one than the one I meet with normally) a week after getting my glucometer (the device used to check my blood sugar) and she basically told me I was doing too good of a job controlling my sugars. And I broke down crying. She was shocked because she was telling me that I was doing good, but needed to just back down a little bit. I still cry about it if I let myself think about it too much. She told me to eat more. Though now I am having a harder time because my sugars are sometimes higher than the limits she gave me.

I'm constantly frustrated and paranoid about my food now. It is so stressful to think about what will happen an hour after I eat. I find myself crossing my fingers hoping for a good blood sugar. I no longer enjoy eating. It is a task I must perform, and it wears me out. In part, I know that this is good for us. I didn't have the best eating habits prior to this. If I was hungry before I would eat whatever I wanted. I made good choices and bad ones. French fries and ice cream always sound good to me, especially after becoming pregnant.

I always bought fruits and vegetables, but often would throw them out because I would find something tastier to eat. And, besides yogurt on occasion, dairy wasn't really a staple in my diet. Except for cheese of course.

The problem is with my placenta. It creates hormones that make my body have a hard time absorbing sugar. Once the placenta is gone, I won't be diabetic anymore. However, I am at risk of becoming type 2 diabetic later on in life, and any later pregnancies I will most likely have gestational diabetes again. I already knew I was at risk of becoming a type 2 diabetic, as I have it in my family history. But after watching my sugars and seeing how certain foods affect me, I'm really not looking forward to growing older. I like rice, bread, pasta and potatoes, but my sugars suck afterwards.

I started writing this on the 2nd, and now it is the 9th. Since then, I met with my midwife and reviewed my food log and sugar record. I was getting very frustrated, because I was eating more, but my sugars were awful. She pointed out that I needed more protein in my diet, I was so focused on the carbohydrates that I was forgetting about protein. I feel a little bit better now, but I'm not looking forward to reviewing my food log and sugar record with my midwife again. It causes me such stress. I feel like I'll get a bad grade or a slap on the wrist. And I'm even more afraid that I'll burst out in tears again.

Because of all of this, I have to go in to see my midwife weekly from now on. We will have to have Fetal NSTs weekly. Go here for a short summary of what the test measures. This makes me even more stressed out. It is a pretty long drive to Tacoma, and they tell me that this test could take as long as an hour. Then I meet with her after to discuss the results. This Friday is my first one, and I'll have to go to the appointment alone. I'm not looking forward to it. Mostly because I have to work the night before and that night, so I'll be a little sleep deprived for the driving. But also because I'm an emotional wreck and it is easier for me to keep composed if I have someone with me.

Today I got a phone call from "Unknown." I've received enough phone calls from the clinic to know that they always show up as "unknown." Lately, the phone calls have all been upsetting news, so I found myself on the defensive from the start. It was my midwife's nurse. She said I had to have another ultrasound. I immediately retorted "why? I just had one." I had interrupted her though, so she was just calling to add it to one of my appointments later on in the month, it would be before my other appointment, so that was why she was calling. I was kind of snippity with her, but after getting bad or upsetting phone calls, I can't help but think the worst.

Besides having some mild leg swelling after working, some lower back pain (especially after working), some leg cramps that wake me up, and some heartburn attacks everything else is going okay. Watching my belly jolt from side to side, and feeling jabs here and there make me smile.

But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't counting down the days until the end of this pregnancy.

Midwife Appointment

I had another appointment with my midwife today. I also had my 1-hour glucose tolerance test, and hopefully I passed it. Last appointment (not this one) I was spilling a little bit of sugar in my urine. Which is usually a sign of gestational diabetes. However, I had only eaten a (rather large) bowl of...Fruit Loops...for breakfast that day, right before the appointment. Oops. ;) They didn't say I was spilling sugar in my pee today though, so I'm guessing it was the Fruit Loops fault last time.

I got my Flu shot today. And my midwife said if I don't start to feel better soon, to call her so she can get me something to take to make me get better faster. I'm guessing an antibiotic, but not sure. I do feel like I'm getting better though every day. I am exhausted right now, though because I slept for maybe 5 hours thus far. I'm going to go lay down for a bit after I'm done with this post.

My midwife said that I'm measuring small for what she would expect at this stage, so she wants to get another ultrasound in 3 weeks just to make sure he's growing okay. She thinks it is probably related to his positioning, but doesn't want to take a chance. It's funny, because I feel huge. ;)

Today, my mom went with me to the appointment because Jamaal couldn't get the day off of work. I asked her today to be in the room during the birth. She agreed to, but said if she gets queasy she will leave. I told her that she probably won't because it is so much different than just seeing a bloody mess, plus she doesn't have to look if she doesn't want to.

After the appointment we went to Target to finish up my registry. I registered at Baby's R Us already, which has so much more than Target does, but Target is a bit cheaper for some things, so I doubled up to give people options. It was a much quicker trip than the one we took to BRU...which ended up being over 2.5 hours.

Last night at work I was seeing if I could hear his heart beating with my stethoscope. I was pressing kind of hard on my belly, and he would punch or kick the spot that I was pressing on, as if to say "Leave me alone!" He is already feisty and hasn't even been born yet. He must take after his father... ;)

More Dreams

I had a couple memorable dreams last night. First of all, my middle nephew who is now 10(!) was driving a minivan full of people. I was nearest to the front of the van, and panicking. Everyone else was telling me to relax. The issue I had was he had really stubby legs (in my dream) that didn't reach past the seat. (In reality he is nearly as tall as I am). I was freaking out that he needed to have his feet near the pedals just in case we needed to stop suddenly....or at all. For those of you who have lived nearby, he was driving us onto North I-5 from 320th, taking the really big curve of an on-ramp. We nearly hit one of the pillars as we came out of the turn. I don't know if that is when I woke up or if the dream just stopped there...or maybe I don't remember what happened next. But oh my goodness was it scary. Especially imagining him in that sort of capacity...

The other dream I had started out as the State had no teachers to teach in our schools. So, they did a raffle and my name got picked. Since I was also a State worker, I had to do as I was asked. I wasn't going to lose my salary, and since I was pregnant in my dream as well, I decided I could do a semester of teaching. I would stop at winter break and stay home until expected to go back to the hospital. I was okay with it at first, and then I began thinking about what I would teach, and how I had no idea what I was doing. Then I was really stressed out. I found out that I was to teach Kindergarten. I got a few classes during the first week of school to learn how to teach, and then was expected to do it on my own. I planned to call up Jess to see if she would lend me anything she had from her Kindergarten experience last year...I never got that far. I hope that she would help me out. Could you imagine teaching with absolutely no training at all?? Haha...it was then that I looked through a brochure of schools and decided that my children would go to private schools since the State was using anyone they could get their hands on. ;)

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I still have a sore throat, but at the moment my nose is pretty clear. I usually get worse as the day goes on, but I think I'll try and do water aerobics tonight. Then I'll go to work. I'll still be wearing a mask at work, but I don't feel too horrible right now. Hopefully I'm on the mend. :D

A Rambling Mess

 This belly shot was taken at 23 weeks and 3 days.

 This was taken at 27 weeks.

This was also taken at 27 weeks.

Last Thursday I went to water aerobics, and near the end of the workout I started having chest pain. It was right at my sternum and went under my rib cage, mostly to the left. It hurt more if I pressed just under my rib cage medially. I figured it was related to heartburn. But it wasn't going away. I started to worry, so I called out sick for the night. It hurt really bad if I moved my arms across my chest. So I figured I should take it easy. Around 0500, I woke up to hives on my forearms that were really itchy, so I got up to take a half of a benedryl. When I woke up in the morning my chest still hurt so I decided to call the doctor. But by the time I went to my appointment, the pain was gone, and most of my hives were gone. I was sure that the hives were caused by my heartburn medicine. Basically my doctor gave me a list of foods to avoid, and a warning that it was just going to get worse. I was coming down with a cough by this point, which I figured was just because of the heartburn. My doctor agreed with me. 

I went to work that night. I wore a mask for most of the night, especially when in patient's rooms, because my voice sounded hoarse and that makes people uncomfortable. The longer I was at work, the more I felt sick, as opposed to someone suffering from severe heartburn. My sneezes had more substance to them. And at one point I coughed up a loogie. I went to bed right when I got home, and I think my mom called to talk to me. I sounded like crap. I knew then that I was sick, not having heartburn complications. Stupid flu. Our thermometer is still packed somewhere, and so when I talked with my mom (who was planning on coming over to drop off something for me to try) I asked her to also bring her thermometer for me to use. My temperature got as high as 100.5, so not too bad. I've been taking sudafed, benedryl, and Tylenol here and there. I'm beginning to feel better now. I'm undecided as to whether I'm ready to go back to work tonight or not. Fortunately I only have three 8-hour shifts this week. I'll see how I'm feeling later on tonight. I am technically still "contagious" but with a mask on an good hand washing I should be okay for work. I am just still very tired and feel a bit cloudy in the head. I have never coughed up so much gunk in my life. (Which is actually good, because I'd rather have it out of my lungs. But usually I don't start coughing stuff up until I start to feel a little bit better.) 

The little mister has been beating me up with just as much oomph as before I got sick. Sometimes I even exclaim "Oh my!" after an extra strong kick. It is going to be strange to have my belly back to myself. I'm going to feel very empty I think.

Jamaal scared me on Saturday night. He went out with his friends to a bar not too far from our house. He had planned on getting a ride home with his friend's sister (who works as a bartender there, and would therefore be the sober one). But I get a message from him, "can you come get me." Just after midnight. I ask him where he is, and when he wants me to come: at the bar, now.

I jump in the car in my pajamas. They aren't even cute pajamas. It is a pink dress type that goes to my knees. But remember I'm sick, and don't care. I get there in a few minutes, and text him that I've arrived. No response. So, I text him again. Nothing. I try his friend: "I'm here."

He responds "Oh good, Jamaal needs a ride." Yes. I know that, that's why I am here. I should have known at this point that he was going to be little help to me. Can you please send my husband out here. "I don't know where he is." At this point I'm a little worried. It has been 30 minutes of me waiting outside in the car. I decide to face the public. I don't know these people anyway. I throw my coat on over my beautiful pajamas and go inside. They tell me no one is allowed in anymore.

ing car. In the story he tells, he hears some people he has to walk by laugh at him, and he wants to punch them. With how slow he was responding to me, I can't believe he even considered it.

I have been looking everywhere for you. Why didn't you answer your phone? It died. (I figured it probably had.) Where were you? In the bathroom. I had a security guard go in there and look for you.

And then I lose it. I cry it out for a minute, collect myself so I can get us home, and pull out of the parking lot. He apologizes a couple times, but once I start driving he hangs his head down, in the most uncomfortable looking position ever, and stays like that for most of the drive.

When we get home, we find that a dog has puked on the kitchen floor. Jamaal, obviously feeling guilty, pushes me away so that he can clean it up. I let him, because it is difficult these days for me to reach the floor comfortably. I tell him he's not allowed to go out without his phone fully charged, and cry a little more in his arms. He makes his way back to the bathroom, and I give him a couple blankets and a pillow and he spends several hours asleep on the bathroom floor. I already intended on sleeping in the living room, since I didn't want to get him sick, and because I was having a hard time sleeping for longer than 2 hours.

The two of us spent Sunday laying around watching TV and napping. We didn't wake up until almost 1300 (1pm).

Anyway, I haven't done much the past couple days. A lot of laying around. Napping frequently. Eating popcicles and drinking ice water and apple juice. I'm staying hydrated.