This little pregnant lady is beginning to feel left out a bit.
My MIL bought a house, and in the backyard was a trampoline that the previous owner did not want. Jamaal instantly told his mom he would take it. She fought a little bit; she was worried about safety, and wanted us to get a net first. Do you know how much trampoline nets cost? More than we want to pay. I never have jumped on a trampoline with a net on it. Never. Then she gets concerned about the baby. At which point, I roll my eyes and let her know that the trampoline will not be around when the baby is big enough to be getting on it. There are some very small holes on the trampoline, and it looks pretty old.
I would like to get a few jumps in, but of course, I can't.
I can get over it, I'm not really that upset about it. Though this is just one of the first things that made me realize that I'm beginning to feel left out.
Later this month we are going on an annual camping trip. Jamaal, his two friends (I also consider them my friends) and I have been going every year since our second year together.
But this year will be different. It is not just the 4 of us; one of the boys invited several other people.
Normally I would not be upset. Normally, I would say the more the merrier. But this year is different. I will be surrounded by a bunch of drunk people. And now, there will be a lot of drunk people that I barely know.
I was already nervous for the 4 of us...when I found out about the new additions I got really upset. I'll bring a lot of activities for me to do, and some alcohol-like beverages (diet ginger-ale with a sprinkling of cranberry lemonade crystal light).
And, if it is as bad as I think it might be, I'll leave to go to my Aunt's apartment in Olympia. Though I'm sure I'm just overreacting.
I know that I have something very special that is mine. I know that my connection with my child will be something no one else will have. I know I am so fortunate to be able to carry a child. To get pregnant so easily. I know I'm being selfish, bratty, and a little pathetic.
I just want it all.
I don't know if I'll be able to reassure you that this is normal or if I could begin to make you feel a little bit better, but as your friend and someone who has had a baby - I will try.
ReplyDeleteFirst, this is just the beginning! :) Just wait until you are nursing and you start to resent all the girls who can wear non-button up shirts and dresses because you have to wear nursing-friendly blouses all the time. And when everyone is going out for a good time but you have a newborn that you're too nervous to leave at home, and when you can't go on trips (this will be later on) because you can't fathom bringing your busy toddler onto the airplane. Don't get me wrong - you make adjustments and most of these things are temporary, but being pregnant is just the beginning of a long life of sacrifices. BUT! The fantastic news is that every little sacrifice you make is like a piece of wood added on to the fire of love that you have for your little child. It makes you aware of how much they depend on you. It also strengthens your relationship with your mom (and other moms) because you realize how much she has done for you! It does stink once in a while. Motherhood is not for wimps (this is actually the name of a blog you would probably love.) I hope you're feeling better and not too left out on your camping trip. If you need to give me a call - go for it. As the first one of our friends to have a baby, I have felt it pretty profoundly at times. But try to take comfort in the fact that you are in a new club now. And the perks are pretty darn amazing :)
Love you!
I'm going to guess that you accidentally posted as your MIL Kayleen. I'll forgive you this time. ;)
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha, I was so confused as to who your good friend Kathy was Aubri! I thought, wow she even said "love you," at the end of her post, how come I know nothing about her? I thought maybe she was a co-worker. Now I know the mystery friend ;).
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings about other people being invited to camping. I'd feel the same way, especially because I never like change. I'm sure you are right in that it will be fun, but it will be a little different. You can call me too if you want.
PS I finally updated my blog.
Oopsie! Yes I posted that at the MIL's house :) It's tricky because her and my emails are so similiar (same first letter and same last name) Anyway, glad you figured it was me!
ReplyDelete