Some News

I cannot wait to post something about our news, so here it goes: We're pregnant.

Today we had an ultrasound and meet and greet with my new midwife (my old one had the nerve to move to North Carolina for her husband's schooling. RUDE! Haha.) She was really nice, observant and made me happy with my choice. She's not too preachy, and really seemed interested in my past. She had obviously read over my chart before meeting with me, and had made notes that I would need testing for Gestational Diabetes earlier (since I have a history of having it with my first pregnancy) as well as some testing of my thyroid. It was nice to see that she cared about me and did not just go with the standard protocol. So, I hope I am lucky enough to labor during the day or when she is on call.

How I'm feeling.

Nausea
This time is a bit different. (okay so after reading all of my early post from my first pregnancy, I have realized that I did have some nausea with Riley. I apparently have blacked that bit out of my memory, because I honestly thought I had absolutely NONE. However, I can tell you that it was quick to leave with the last pregnancy.) Last time, I would have a wave of nausea that would make me want to get to the bathroom, but it would pass before I would make it there. This time, I gag and dry heave periodically. It is worse when my stomach is empty. It is weird because it hits me very suddenly. And sometimes I feel some acid rise up with the gagging. It is those cases that make me worried I'm about to lose my cookies. Fortunately, my MIL received a prescription for Zofran after her foot surgery, that she never used and has given them to me. So I have been able to take a couple (only needed it twice so far) to make sure I keep my food in my belly. I really don't want to puke. I talked to my midwife about this today, and she said it was fine if I take it when necessary. Food is good to me, most of the time, but I'm pretty picky. I really am having a hard time cooking because things dont's sound good until they are made and in front of me. I've been eating out a lot, which is not good for me, I know, but when I am able to look at a menu and pick something out, I can find something that sounds palatable.

Exhaustion.
One of the very first symptoms I had was exhaustion. It is a bit tricky to be able to sleep when your toddler has other plans for you. But I've been lucky, and have napped at the same time as Riley, or he has stayed the night at his grandparents' houses for miscellaneous reasons, so I have been able to sleep in some days. It isn't as awful for me, as it was with the first pregnancy, because I am used to a certain amount of being tired. That's what kids do to a parent. ;)

Body Image.
This time I've felt ginormous already. At 9 weeks, I feel like I'm showing. Like last time, my clothes hide my belly well. But there were times where I actually thought there were two babies in there, because I felt so huge. My pants still fit though, so that is good. I'm guess it is bloating that I'm seeing. But I have not gained anything thus far. (I actually lost a couple ounces from last time I went in.) So I'm happy about that. :)

Gestational Diabetes.
It is early yet to be diagnosed with anything. But I'm sure I will end up having GD, since I was diagnosed with my first pregnancy. However, this time around I am doing things a bit differently. I'm not drinking a Frozen Coke from Burger King everyday. Haha. What can I say? I had a craving, and I impulsed on it. I am conscious of every carb I put in my body, but can I be honest? Carbs taste good. They are what I want right now. Proteins are good too, but only if they go with a really tasty carb. Like, tonight for example, I had me some chicken teriyaki and rice. It was wonderful. I made sure Riley helped a lot with the rice. And he did, he ate about half of it, but I really enjoyed my meal. I pulled out my blood sugar monitor and have been testing myself the last two days, just to see how I'm doing, and I'm in fabulous control right now. Sometimes I go as high as 112 after eating, but before eating I haven't been higher than 90. Even after having ice cream, I've had really good sugars. Anyway, I'm going to remain hopeful...and will have to test twice at least this pregnancy, once at 20 weeks (and if I pass that) again at 28 weeks when they test everyone else. Hopefully, I'll be able to control myself to keep my sugars down, but I'm not going to completely deny myself carbohydrates while I can tolerate them. I plan on checking my sugars once a month or perhaps every couple weeks, just to see where I am, but will not lose sleep over it. At least not right now. 

And of course, I am super excited about being pregnant with my best friend Jessie! It is so funny that we were able to make it happen, and I'm glad that my baby will have a friend about the same age. :)

Tomorrow I am meeting up with some friends, and two of them don't know yet. So I will post to Facebook at the end of the day. Until then. ;)

The Lunch Date

Today I decided to treat myself to a lunch date with my toddler. It was a bit silly, now thinking back, to go to Costco at just before noon on a Saturday, but I decided the hot dog was worth it. :) Also, I had no reason to go shopping there, as I just went earlier in the week, which makes it a bit easier to wait in line, not having to worry about a cart.

But still...with a wiggly toddler you begin to worry about things like: will he scream and shout? will he become limp like a noodle and refuse to use his legs? will I be able to eat my dog in peace?

At Costco, they do not have high chairs for the wiggly ones. Just benches and tables. So, it is tricky to keep them corralled at times. But today, little Mr. Riley was on his best behavior. He walked when I asked him to, he stayed nearby, he used an appropriate toddler voice, he only once got down from the bench, but got back up when I asked him to. It was like magic. All of my fears, were for no reason at all. He was a perfect angel for me. And I was a little sad, but proud at the same time. He's growing up, and of course I want him to, but sometimes I wish we could just freeze time and live in this moment.

Another mommy, wearing an infant, and her toddler had lunch there too. But she was in charge of a cart, so had to sit on the end of the table opposite of me, by the walkway. (I chose the end next to the wall, so I had only one exit point to cover.) Her son, walked down to our end of the table, staring at Riley, chomping on his lunch. She might have known he was there, or perhaps it took her a while to react, realizing he was safe where he was. But I took the opportunity to tell Riley that he was being naughty. He needed to stay with his mommy, and listen to her. I waited to say this until the toddler was on his way back to his mom (or perhaps just back for more food). I've heard a friend say this before: it seems if someone else's child is acting naughty, your own children act a bit better, because they are embarrassed for the other child. I am just happy when it isn't my child setting the poor example. :) However, I had planned an exit strategy if my babe didn't behave. I would pack up our food and go, and eat in the car. That being said, the roving toddler I mention, wasn't being obnoxious, he was just not staying still. I'm not exactly sure why she didn't put him in the cart to eat, if for no other reason than to chain him down. But of course, it is not my place to judge, she had her reasons. And I'm sure one day it will be me with one child that won't sit, stay or listen. (actually I'm sure that has happened to be before already.) :)

Anyway, he ate pretty good too, and I wasn't expecting that either. I didn't think he would like my hot dog, so I got him some pizza, which he ate about equal amounts of both. So that meant I was able to have some pizza with my hot dog too. He saw someone with some frozen yogurt, and he was pretty excited saying "Cream! Cream!" And I told him, if we were still hungry, we would get some, but of course I was way too full after lunch for some frozen yogurt, so perhaps next time. Lucky for me, he had forgotten by the time we were leaving.

The magical lunch date ended with the following: as we were walking to our car, I hugged him and thanked him for being so good. I asked for a kiss, but had to steal one, because he didn't want to give one willingly. He giggled and wiggled, and as I was getting ready to put him in his seat, he started fighting yelling "No! No!" He did not want in the car. He flailed his arms about, which promptly met my face, and I was knocked straight back to reality. We aren't out of the tantrum phase yet. (And one could probably argue that we will never be out of that phase, at least while he is still living under our roof...) It was accidental, but I told him to be nice to mommy and settle down. And he did.

We next went to Safeway for a couple groceries, and upon arriving home, he started to scream in his car seat. He does this a lot actually and it is quite the pain. Most of the time it is while riding in the car, but sometimes he will do it when he is upset or tired at home as well. Today, I said: "Riley, why are you screaming?" And he stopped, and said "Sorry, Mommy." And that was that. I laughed and said thank you. Perhaps we are on to something here. :)

Just an update

I haven't posted in a while. 

Not much has been happening around here. I kind of decided to have a low-key birthday for Riley this year. Just the family is invited. Last year was a huge party, and a lot of stress, and while he had a blast, it isn't something he will remember. So we will just have a cake with the grandparents and his aunt and uncles (and cousins if they aren't too cool for us yet.) ;) Next year, maybe, we'll have a bigger party for him. Also, last year he got a lot of toys, it was a bit ridiculous. We had to give some to the grandparents, because there was just too much for him to play with at our place. I love to get fun gifts for kids, so I totally get it, but there is only some much time in a day for playing. ;)

Tonight, Riley went pee pee in the potty for the very first time. He has been asking to go potty a lot after diaper changes, so I put him on the toilet and he sits there looking in the bowl, playing with his belly button and talking about bubbles. Sometimes he sits there for 45 seconds sometimes only 15 before saying "All done" and trying to get down. I'm not really pushing potty time right now, because he is still young for it, and I don't want to stress him out, but if he asks to go, I'll let him. Tonight he asked after his diaper was changed, and it was almost immediate that he started peeing. He started laughing, he was so excited. I kept saying good job and cheering. But I thought to myself "now what?" I hear about moms using M&M's and jelly beans as rewards, so was I supposed to give him one for going? Maybe is this it for us, will he be easy to potty train? Or did we just get lucky this time, and he just so happened to have to really go? It is too early to tell yet. I'm not fully ready to believe he is ready to train, but we'll see how it goes. 

This weekend will be a busy one for us. We have a birthday party on Saturday and another on Sunday. Unfortunately, I have to work on Sunday, so I won't be able to go to that party, but my sister-in-law will be taking Riley for me. It is a 4 year old's party to a movie theater to watch Cars. Riley loves that movie, (well he prefers the second one...but he will sit through the first one too.) Kind of. He never really sits through a movie unless I'm holding him down (like to get him to go to sleep.) I hope he enjoys himself. :)

Sunday my parents return from being in Australia and New Zealand. I cannot wait to see them again. I talk to them nearly every day so it has been pretty hard. Riley is going to flip out when he sees them, I think. :)

Fair warning: Not a happy post.

I am having one of those weeks. It started as a really awful Monday at work, and has sort of bubbled over into the following several days. I thought I was over it, but today I got a phone call from one of the assistant managers from work asking me about if I would be willing to attend a meeting with the Attendings and Managers on our floor next Monday, and in an unrelated twist she asked how I was doing after last Monday. I started to say I was fine, and noticed myself begin to cry again, and realized that I was indeed, not over it. I am not fine.

Nursing is not easy. And last Monday was one of the worst shifts of my career. It was hard, emotional, and busy. I was torn into 5 uneven pieces and could not figure out how to make myself whole again. At one point, as I was preparing for a simple procedure, I stepped out of my patient's room to grab something out of our supply drawer just outside the room. I stood there for a second with my mind blank. I literally had taken 5 steps, and in those 5 steps had forgotten why I had moved in the first place. I think I stood there for a full minute before I remembered what it was I needed. A simple piece of gauze. The patient noticed and laughed a little, saying I was too young to be as forgetful as he was. But I told him, "when you have 5 peoples' lives in your head, you begin to get a bit forgetful." He said that it would be worse if I had kids, so I changed my number to 6. I didn't mention to him that it was about my lunch hour and I hadn't a notion of being able to take a lunch in the near future. I was stressed out. His family members were getting demanding. I had mentioned to them that I would do the procedure at some point during the shift, and when I didn't get in there right away to do it, they went to a doctor to demand it happen. The doctor then relayed the message to me, and I told her I was going to do it, I just needed a second to breathe.

I hope that the stress of being sick or having a loved one in the hospital doesn't cloud my vision so I don't treat the staff poorly, even when I am hurting or scared.

This job is personal. Sometimes un-comfortably so. Last Monday I was so busy, so so busy. I wasn't able to be there for a patient who needed me. She was stewing in her room, creating anxiety and stress for herself, that was unnecessary. Her situation is unfair. She didn't deserve to be stressed out by me. Her friend came up to me at the front desk, to let me know that the patient was threatening to leave. I lost it right then. I felt that I had let her down. When I envisioned how my day would go, this was not a part of it. I was overwhelmed, drowning in my tasks, and unfortunately that meant she went a bit neglected. In some cases, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I didn't have time to check in for no reason. The doctors had been in and told her some conflicting information. All of these things broke what little trust I had earned. The assistant nurse manager went in to the patient's room, and listened to her complaints. Afterwards she asked that I go back in to speak with the patient and clear up some information, and also to allow the patient to tell me why she was upset. I walked in the room and burst into tears. It was difficult. It was uncomfortable. It was hard.

And even through all of that she still wanted me to be the one to hang her chemotherapy later that day. I told her, that I was just too emotional to do it. I didn't feel comfortable, I was too shaky and overwhelmed to concentrate on hanging a life altering drug.

And after all of that I sat down to eat at 4:30pm. The latest lunch I've ever had at work. And at the end of the day, I had an hours worth of charting and catch up to do before I could come home. To an empty house.

The next day I had a headache and decided to call in sick to get some extra sleep. I wish I could let go of my emotions. But, like I said before, this job is personal.

Evening shift

The husband has been on evening shift for an entire week now. On Monday evening, I sent a text to him saying that Riley and I didn't like him being gone. And that is still true. We don't care too much for it. 

But there are some nice aspects. I will stay up later to wait up for him, and I do miss that (staying up late, I mean). You see, while Jamaal was on day shift, he was so tired from getting up at 5:30 that he wanted to get to bed by 9:30pm. And while it is smart for me to also get to bed then, I enjoy staying up until 10:30 or 11. (On days when I work, this is definitely something I regret the next day, but I do enjoy adult time playing video games after the Booger is asleep.) We try to go to bed at the same time each night. There are times when someone stays up later than the other, but for the most part we both make our way to bed at the same time. And to be honest I feel a bit guilty if I stay up later than he does. 

I also like having Jamaal home during the mornings. It seems to get me moving a little faster. I have been able to get more chores done in the morning, and then I'm motivated and get more done during the evening too. I'm nearly all caught up on laundry. Nearly. Now the key is to keep up with it. Doing a couple loads each week. I hope I can. Here it is, my Sunday night (I work Sunday through Tuesday) and all I want to do is blog, shower, and play a couple video games. Okay, and maybe have a slice of freshly made pumpkin pie. :) My motivation to do housework is waning. It also helps me to get a shower in. ;)

BUT, I hope that it comes back after my 3 day stretch of working is done. And I'm allowed a break right? 

Today I made burritos and they turned out pretty well. A little spicy, but not too bad. I was pretty happy with the fact that I was able to roll a burrito and they remained intact for the oven. I swear every other time I tried making them it turns into a casserole. :) I should post the recipe, because it was pretty easy to make. Maybe I will...

Meals are something that are difficult for me now. Because dinner is something I make at least 4 days of the week, and Jamaal isn't a huge fan of left overs. He is being a good sport with me though, and taking things I wouldn't expect him to take to work for dinner. I just don't think it is cost effective for him to buy meals every day at work, when I could make him 4-5 for the same price. So I've been trying to revamp my menu choices. And probably will have a lot more deli meat in the house. (In the past I will buy it for one night's dinner, and usually end up throwing it out, because I don't eat a ton at a time, and try to stay away from a lot of bread products. Because Jamaal has never brought a lunch with him to work.) I guess I should have mentioned that sooner. It makes it even more of a challenge. 

The best news is that Jamaal seems happier. Less stress. More sleep. 

I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince him to go back to day shift. (Night shift would be much worse for me. I would hate to be alone at night. And keeping Riley quiet during the day to let him sleep?? Impossible. I would be able to sleep, but Jamaal can hear a pin drop.) Unfortunately, he really doesn't like waking up early, as he would have to working day shift. 

Okay well. I hope you aren't bored now. Pretty sure this is one of the driest posts in a long time. 

But I posted. ;) 

Mr. Riley

My little boy is sure a character. Every day is so much fun these days. Well, at least parts of the day are fun. We still have some hard times. But then he will do something sweet, or cute, or funny, and I will smile and think, "how did I get so lucky?" The above photo was taken after nap time. I don't think he was quite ready to get up. But he was squeaking and fussing, so daddy got him up. We both laughed out loud when we saw his hair. It was worse...if you can believe that...right after sitting up in his crib. I didn't have my phone on me though, so it was a few minutes later when I got this shot. I have about 5 others prior to this one, but his eyes are closed. SO I had to get this shot without the flash. He was so very annoyed with me. And after this I broke the news that mommy was going bye-bye. Haha...mommy is so mean! :) (Don't worry, he quickly got over it. Saying "bye-bye" and walking me to the front door.)




The above video (if it decides to show up) was taken after he found a pacifier on the table. You see, the first 8 months of his life were very hard on me. He did not know how to sleep. I was sleep deprived and desperate to find something to sooth him, aside from me. I was exhausted and desperate for some relief. I bought EVERY type of pacifier out there. I searched desperately for some sort of different shape that might appease him. But to no avail. I think he took it a total of 2 times and kept it in his mouth for like 5 minutes at a time. Seriously folks. It was a rough time. But here he is making fun of his mama. ;) He doesn't even know how to suck on a binky and keep it in his mouth. (though I must admit, I tried this particular one too, and it is pretty difficult to suck on.)

The past week or so he has really started to talk up a storm. It is an adventure every day with him, you never know what might come out of his mouth. Right know he is big into "Thank you." He hands me something, and when I take it from him, "ank coo." The waitress refills my water, he says "ank coo." It just about melts my heart. Next step is working on "you're welcome."

The other day a new mommy commented that she couldn't wait for her baby to do something that Riley was doing. And I totally remember feeling this way when Riley was months old. There were times when I looked forward to the next milestone. And while this reaction is completely normal. And sometimes we say these things without really meaning anything by them. But I think there is something in loving the moment your child is in now. There is something so beautiful about your baby today, right now. Even if they are screaming and squirming and fighting sleep. I had so many struggles during the first months of Riley's life (and I definitely have some struggles today) but I look back on those moments with such reverence and a desire to be able to go back in time and snuggle with the Riley of 2011. I guess what I'm saying is each milestone is special in its own way, try to live in the now without looking too far forward. Because you will never get that time back.

Change to come

Something I haven't really announced yet will be happening soon: My dear husband got a new job at Boeing. He will start a week from today. It is really, really exciting news for us. As he will finally have benefits, and hope for promotions within the company. 

It is something we have been dreaming about for quite some time now. He attempted applying a couple years ago, but to no avail. 

Now we are ready for a new kind of adventure. We have settled into a routine, and it will be shaken up a bit. 

The main issue is that he will be working evening shift, at least to start. Monday through Friday from 2:00-10:30pm. He has also offered to keep working Saturdays at his current job. But I'm not sure how long he will keep that up. 

He is looking forward to sleeping in. And I'm looking forward to doing water aerobics again. (I plan on going in the mornings twice a week, he and Riley can sleep in while I go work out!) And I should be able to go grocery shopping alone! (Oh the simple things in life...) :) 

We are looking forward to actual vacation and sick leave from work. (Currently he has to ask for time off, and may or may not get it.) 

And benefits! Don't forget about them! Currently my insurance has a huge deductible (because I opted for the plan with a HSA) so I'm hoping I could use his insurance as my secondary plan and cut down some of my out of pocket cost. (Though I must admit I'm not sure how this would work, if the secondary insurance would only go into effect after I've reached my deductible or not...) 

While there are many positive things about this change, there are a lot of challenges that we will face. And they are a little distracting for me right now. 

I'm not looking forward to evenings alone. Specifically bedtime. On nights when I'm not working, I will likely stay up and wait for Jamaal to come home, because we usually do not go to bed now until close to midnight. But I look forward to the time when Jamaal gets home, because I have a little help with Riley. Perhaps it is just because I've been with Riley all day long, and I'm just ready for some assistance. So maybe it will help to have daddy home in the morning before nap time  But being a negative Nelly, I've been focusing on the opposite. 

Currently, on Mondays and Tuesdays when I work, Jamaal is in charge of dropping Riley off at my father-in-law's or my parent's house depending on the day. And if I work for 12 hours, Jamaal will also retrieve Riley from whichever house he is at. Now, I will be in charge of picking up Riley, even after working for 12 hours. And let me just say, I'm really not looking forward to this! After working for 12+ hours, I really just want to come home and get in my jam-jams. 

Meal times will also be a little different from here on out. It will be strange just cooking for Riley and I. And I keep bugging Jamaal about what sort of things he will want to bring for lunches, and he is annoyed with me for even thinking about it. (I'm a planner, he is not). But I want to know if I should make dinners for lunch so he can bring them with him to work. Or if I should make dinner and save it for him for the next day. Or if he just wants me to get some lunch meat, chip bags, and carrots for a brown bag style meal. Leaving Riley and I on our own for meals. 

And the last, and greatest challenge, is putting off trying for a second pregnancy. We are not in agreement on this one, but I will not force my husband to father another child, if he is not ready to do so. I understand his hesitancy: there is so much unknown about our future. Our finances will likely be tight, as he will most definitely be taking a pay cut for this job (with opportunities for raises along the way). I hope that this hesitancy will dissipate after a month (or two) of work. 

Because nine months in itself is a long time to wait...