"I have no graham crackers."

Two posts in one day? Guess I need to make up for lost time.

As a nurse, I find myself surprised by people on a daily basis. It is not always a patient of mine, but hearing stories from other nurses around me, there is something going on during every shift. There are no uneventful days at work.

Sometimes it is the patient, sometimes the patient's family, and of course there is always the mixture of both. The crazy in people really shows up during times of stress, and every person admitted to our unit is stressed.

On one particular night, I was blessed with a patient who has had the unfortunate history of becoming a perpetual patient. I mean that she is almost always sick in some way that ends her up in the hospital or clinic. I do not mean to downplay her illness, per say, but she has become her illness. I think she has been ill for so long that she has no identity of herself without being sick.

I'm actually not entirely sure why she was admitted to the hospital. I didn't do anything she couldn't have done herself at home. She liked to be sedated with pain medications, antiemetics, benzos and benedryl. And since, as I've said before, she is a perpetual patient, she knows a lot about what she should say when she wants something. She said all the right things that would imply that she was getting a kidney infection: it was very hard for her to pee, and she was getting flank/back pain right where her kidneys were. I didn't feel that she was exactly telling the truth, but it is not my call. So I phoned the MD who was on call. He came to see her and felt the same way as I did. He pressed on her abdomen and she screamed out in agony. He listened with his stethoscope and pressed in as hard as he had with his hands and she had no response; no grimace, no whine, nothing. Just a little background on this lady.

At one point she stated that we were not adequately controlling her blood sugars. She demanded I check to see what her blood sugar was. I forget the number exactly, but it was in the normal range in the 110's. I wanted to laugh in her face. She then proceeded to request the fruit plate with cottage cheese she had saved from earlier, and later 2 vanilla puddings.

I can't really put into words how much she drove me crazy. Except to say that near the end of the night, as I was finishing up giving her some medications she said to me: "I have no graham crackers." I stared at her for a second, then replied: "What does that mean?"

I knew exactly what it meant. She had no graham crackers, and wanted some. I wasn't going to take that as a request for graham crackers. I already felt that she was milking the system.

She went on to say that she likes to have graham crackers nearby at all times. This was news to me, it never came up before, and I had her for a 12-hour shift. I think it was about 0500 by this time, so our time together was nearly finished. I was already irritated with her, so I reacted with a little attitude. But I felt it was warranted.

She never did request the crackers. I said "Would you like some graham crackers?" Yes. She would. And also a couple egg custards. (Remember those vanilla puddings she requested earlier? She asked for egg custards then too, only for us to tell her we don't carry them on the floor.) I sent the assistant working with me to deliver a stack of graham crackers and two more vanilla puddings. That was the last time I saw her, except to do the change of shift "bedside" report. (I quoted bedside, only because the pt was up walking around the unit, so we did the check in the hallway.) Later that day, the patient was discharged to home. I talked with the nurse who had her during the day, and she had roughly the same experience that I had. The pt spouted off some other symptoms, the MDs obliged and did tests on her to check on her "symptoms" only to find nothing wrong. It was a difficult discharge. But she will be back.

I'm still here, I swear.

Okay. Okay. I owe some people a belly photo. I keep forgetting to have my husband snap one of me. Tonight, when he gets home from work I'll try to remember. Although this might be tricky because I have signed up for some extra shifts at work. I was given 8 nights off of work (with a day class on Monday) in a row, something I didn't ask for. So I decided to fill it in a bit with some extra shifts. I only signed up for 4-hour shifts. However, they did not put me on the schedule, so I don't know yet if I'll be going in or not. I'll call them after 1400 to check in.

I can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since I last posted. I guess I just have not been inspired. Maybe? I'm not sure.

Yesterday we had our follow up ultrasound. He is weighing in at about 2lbs 4 ounces right now. I have a feeling he is going to be a big boy. His heart rate was nice and strong at 146 beats per minute. And, the placenta is no longer low lying. :D That makes for a very happy mom and dad. I really was worried about it being low lying for other reasons too. I do not want to have a c-section. I've seen it happen, and it is not for me. Of course if I have to, I will, but as of right now, I do not have to have a c-section. As of right now, his head is down, but he still has a lot of room to flip around.

Last night we met with Jamaal's cousin, and dad to see The Karate Kid at the discount theater by our house. Only $2 per ticket is such a great deal. I imagine that when our little one is old enough to go to movies, we will choose this theater over full price since children can be very unpredictable about how they are going to behave. :D Also, people don't get as angry if you talk or make noise in this theater since it is so cheap.

I really liked the movie. Little Jayden Smith looks sooooo much like his daddy it is ridiculous. He is a good actor too. This was the first Karate Kid movie that I have ever seen. Jamaal was slightly disappointed in me. So, as we were going to bed, he picked the original The Karate Kid to stream instantly from Netflix. I fell asleep before the end, so I'll have to watch it again, but I liked the new version better (from what I've seen so far.)

I have a couple projects that I need to really get started working on, which means I need to make a trip to JoAnn's for a couple things. Maybe I'll post pictures of my progress. We'll see.

Lessons on life

Things I've learned recently:

1. Underwire bras are not comfortable when your belly protrudes farther than your breasts...maybe I should be more specific and say your pregnant belly. I have always been a fan of underwire, mostly for the push-up effect. In the past, I found that non-underwire bras had less padding, and therefore did not hide the fact that where peaches should be, I had apricots. My girlfriends in college called it "false advertising." They joked that I couldn't feel it if they poked me in my boob. (And because of all the padding, most of the time I couldn't.) After realizing that underwire would not cut it for me anymore, I went in search of a new, more comfortable bra. Looking through the racks, I found that there are more bras nowadays that are wirefree and have some padding. I, however, need less than I did before. But it is nice to know that it's out there. Wire-free bras have come a long way.

2. The pregnant belly gets a lot of attention, mostly people ask: "how are you feeling?" I wouldn't mind so much, if I wasn't asked by every single person I work with, my patients and their families. Most of the time people expect a complaint or negative feeling. The only one I can offer is that I have some terrible heartburn. Most of the time they seem disappointed.

3. In a few months I am going to miss getting poked and prodded off and on during the day (and night). I've come to realize that I enjoy the moments when I can feel him kicking and moving around. It is going to be strange having my body to myself again. Well, I'll kind of have my body to myself.

4. Do not leave butter on the counter and then leave your dogs locked in the kitchen. Especially with a dog like Bacardi, who can apparently reach the counter top to get the butter down.

5. The Bissell SpotBot Carpet cleaner, which I received from my mom for Christmas last year, was one of the best gifts I could have ever received. Did you know that if a dog eats about a half a stick of butter they then will have diarrhea all over your carpet? Don't worry if you have a SpotBot. It sucked a lot to pre-clean, because the smell about made me puke, but you can't tell at all that there used to be diarrhea on my carpet. (Side note: After I complained about the smell, Jamaal said "You know what's in diapers right?" Of course I do. But my sense of smell is heightened, and newborns don't eat what Bella ate.

Controversy

I swear I've written about this before, but I can't seem to find it...

What I am about to talk about is a very controversial topic related to having boys.

Circumcision, to do it or not to do it?

I know, without a doubt in my mind what I will do. (And Jamaal agrees).

In nursing school, our maternity instructor was very anti-circumcision. Circumcision, outside of religious beliefs, was promoted as a way to prevent infections later on in life. The foreskin must be pulled back and then cleaned to prevent infections and a lot of families were uncomfortable teaching this to their children. Our instructor pleaded with us not to do it simply for hygienic reasons.

I have a very un-scientific opinion on this topic. Judge me if you want. But uncircumcised penises look disgusting. Circumcised penises look cleaner and are more attractive, well as attractive as a penis can be. ;)

Okay so Jamaal and I have different reasons, but both end up at the same place: our son will be circumcised. 

A few blurbs.

I've been pretty quiet on here lately. I've thought about posting, but then don't really have too much to post about. I've been doing a lot, and yet not much at all. So here are a few little blurbs.

Baby.
He has been kicking like crazy. I've seen it on the outside now, but only if I put a little pressure on my belly somewhere. He's still small enough that my fat and organs soften his blows. He will usually kick several times in a row about 45 seconds apart, and then be still for a couple hours. He probably isn't still, from what we saw on the ultrasound, but is gentle enough that I can't feel him as easily. People can definitely tell now that I'm pregnant. (Though in scrubs, sometimes my patients don't notice.)

Names.
Jamaal and I have started talking about names. I think we are going to have a hard time. I'm not definitely in love with any one name. There are a few I like. One, of which, I took from Jamaal's list. I had him make a list of names up to see what he would come up with. There wasn't a lot there, and several I didn't particularly care for. I haven't yet shown him my list. I have a feeling that I'm not going to want to tell anyone until the baby is born, and the papers are signed, for several reasons.
1. I don't want judgment to sway our decision. One might love or hate our name and I don't want to second guess the name we pick because of someone else's opinion. I can say that I don't care about others' opinions, but with several weeks ahead of me, that is a lot of time to dwell on conversations I might have.
2. I reserve the right to change my mind when I see my baby's face. If he takes on his Irish and Danish heritage over his African heritage I don't want him to be stuck with a name like Deshawn. ;) But also, he might look like a Peter over a Philip when I meet him.

Work.
My nurse manager (the "boss" on our unit) posted some new job openings for different shifts. The most relevant opening is a day position. I currently have a day/night rotation. I have liked it better than working the evening/night rotation that I was hired on with. (I only actually worked that shift for a couple months before a day/night rotation opened up and I took it immediately.) Night shift, I believe, is a good option for me while pregnant. I am hoping I'll be able to work for longer while on night shift when I get to the last couple months. There is simply a little less action at night, and I'm able to sit down and put my feet up. Day shift I am moving all the time. However, after the baby is here, I would like to try a few different career changes. If I can find an opportunity, I would like to get a second part-time job closer to home. I would love it if I could find one where the little gummy bear could come with me. I've looked into child care facilities, but I don't know if they would hire an RN or not. I'll get more serious about it closer to my due date. If I did find a second job, I would decrease my hours at my current job. Because the benefits are hard to beat, I'll go down to 50% (20 hours a week) so I can keep my insurance, etc. The other job, hopefully will just be 2 shifts a week or less. As you can imagine, it would be difficult to coordinate two different jobs if I am rotating between days and nights. There is a straight night opening, but as I sometimes have a hard time staying awake driving home now, when I am able to sleep as much as I desire, I don't feel it is safe for me to be driving home sleep deprived after baby enters the world.

Water Aerobics.
I am so glad I started and have stuck with water aerobics. It feels so good to be in the water workin' my butt off. :D I have to alter a few of the exercises now, because my belly makes it hard for me to bring my knees up as high as I used to, but for the most part I don't feel I'm doing things much differently...yet. I keep up with my sister-in-law still, so that is a win for me. I have had to cut back just a little to keep my heart rate below 160 (which was my mid-wives' recommendation), but I still get a good work out.

Cooking.
Yesterday I decided to make the Cook's Illustrated recipe: "The Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookie." I'm not sure the prep work is worth it though. You have to brown the butter. Not much scares me when it comes to baking, pie crusts, bring them on, cheesecake, no problem. But browning butter, I'm shaking in my boots. I'm pretty sure I nearly burnt this butter, but fortunately I didn't. That would have been a lot of butter to waste (because if I was going to take my time to brown butter, I wasn't going to waste it by making a single batch.) Plus, the recipe said it only made 16 cookies. Jamaal loves cookies. He will sit and eat nearly a dozen by himself (and I think he doesn't finish the dozen off only to save a couple for me). If this recipe truly makes the Perfect cookie, I thought, then Jamaal will have a hard time saving those last few for me. Turns out, I think they made 16 giant cookies with the recipe. I would guess a single batch would make 2.5 dozen, and the double batch I made will probably make close to 5. At least I know I'll get a couple for myself. ;) I made the dough yesterday prior to taking my parents out to see Inception. Since I was curious what they would taste like, I baked 6 cookies, and brought one for each of us on the car ride to the theater. They were hot out of the oven. The only thing I regret is not grabbing my nearly empty jug of milk to take a swig out of when I finished my cookie. The jury is still out as to whether or not this recipe makes the perfect cookie. It was good, but I don't know that it was worth browning the butter (and therefore nearly peeing my pants) over.  

Pelvic Rest.
Sucks. Big time.

Updates

On Thursday, my mom, Jamaal and I went to my 20 week ultrasound. I was nervous/excited getting ready for our appointment.

The ultrasound tech had to get measurements done before checking for gender. And, because the baby kept moving around, it took her about 45 minutes just to measure everything.

I was watching closely for malformations, but found none. From my perspective there appears to be no cleft lip or palate. I saw four chambers of a heart, beating regularly. There was no sign of gastroschisis. (The baby's guts were all inside the abdomen.) (BTW, the tech was a little shocked when, after she noted the stomach inside the abdomen, I said, "oh good, it doesn't have gastroschisis." She thought maybe a friend of mine had a baby with it recently. She told me to go home and read nothing medical. I told her I was a nurse, and it was too late for me.)

Then she said "You guys have a very wiggly little boy."  We then watched as he would not hold his legs still. Kick. Kick. Kick. She had a very hard time measuring his legs since he would not hold still. She said that he was going to be a little soccer player. It is amazing to me, that I can hardly feel him in there and yet he was kicking around so much. On the monitor, he looked like a full term newborn, when really he only weighs about 12 ounces right now.

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A doctor reviewed my ultrasound and discussed the results with my midwife. And on Monday I got a phone call from Angie (my midwife). The placenta is very close to my cervix. It is not a placenta previa, at this time. But it is very close to being over my cervix nonetheless. Because there is a risk of bleeding, and a risk of the placenta growing over the cervix more, she put me on pelvic rest.

I texted my mom and sister-in-law this yesterday (that the placenta was close to the cervix, and I was on pelvic rest) My sister-in-law asked if that meant I couldn't go to water aerobics. I responded: "I can. I don't orgasm at water aerobics, maybe you do. ;)" My mom called me shortly after to ask the same question. Since they both responded similarly it occurred to me that "pelvic rest" is not something that all people know what it means. Pelvic rest ultimately means that I cannot have intercourse, and can also not have an orgasm.

8 weeks of no sex or orgasm. It is going to be a rough 8 weeks. Not going to lie, I've cried about it. After 8 weeks, we will have a follow up ultrasound that will check where the placenta is. Angie told me that most of the time the placenta moves up on its own as the uterus grows.

Last night the little gummy bear was kicking like crazy. It felt as though he was flipping feet over head, and kicking the whole way. He was still doing it when we went to bed, so I had Jamaal feel, and he was able to feel him kick. I swear you can probably see it happen on the outside as well. He's got some powerful kicks for such a little man.

19 weeks and counting

My patients are beginning to ask me if I'm pregnant now. Prior to this last week and a half, I've been the one to spill the beans. After which, my patients usually sigh and say "I was wondering if you were." I suppose it just depends on what I am wearing. Some of my scrubs still sort of hide my belly, or make it look like I'm round all around and not just with a baby bump. I have actually had to retire a lot of my scrubs, because while I can still get them on, I cannot get my hands into my front pockets. (which is the whole point of wearing them in the first place. I need a place to hold all my pens and notes and supplies.) I'm going to invest in a couple more scrub jackets, which I'll be able to wear after the baby is born. But with my BeBand, I can wear the scrub pants I own, if I keep them under my belly (the BeBand helps to keep them from falling off, and keeps me from showing crack.) I also have a couple pairs of maternity khaki pants and one pair of black maternity pants, which aren't really my style outside of work, so I've been wearing them with a plain maternity shirt, and a scrub jacket. 

Thursday is my 20 week ultrasound (technically 19 weeks 6 days) and I am super nervous/excited. I'm beginning to get paranoid. What if the baby has no fingers? What if there is a heart problem? What if the baby's guts are still outside of its body?

And if there is a problem, I am going to blame myself. I haven't been taking my prenatal...for about 3 weeks now. Mostly they make me just a little bit nauseated (nothing that would cause me to lose my cookies) but enough to make me dread taking them. I bought folate right after I found out I was pregnant, then realized if I took my multivitamin, I was getting enough folic acid so didn't need to take the extra folate. I just yesterday pulled out the bottle. I should have done so sooner. I am probably getting enough folic acid in my diet, most of the time. I probably have nothing to worry about. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly healthy babies out there that were born to mommies that never once took a vitamin or supplement while pregnant. But, there have been so many healthy babies born around me lately, that I feel like there is going to be a problem sometime soon. Some baby is going to be born with a defect, and knowing my luck it will probably be mine. What very dark and dreary thoughts for a pregnant lady to have. I know I'm not the first...and will not be the last.

The appointment on Thursday will settle my uncertainty, at least until the next appointment...and the next...and until the day I finally get to meet the little gummy bear...

I am so excited for Christmas this year. :D