19 weeks and counting

My patients are beginning to ask me if I'm pregnant now. Prior to this last week and a half, I've been the one to spill the beans. After which, my patients usually sigh and say "I was wondering if you were." I suppose it just depends on what I am wearing. Some of my scrubs still sort of hide my belly, or make it look like I'm round all around and not just with a baby bump. I have actually had to retire a lot of my scrubs, because while I can still get them on, I cannot get my hands into my front pockets. (which is the whole point of wearing them in the first place. I need a place to hold all my pens and notes and supplies.) I'm going to invest in a couple more scrub jackets, which I'll be able to wear after the baby is born. But with my BeBand, I can wear the scrub pants I own, if I keep them under my belly (the BeBand helps to keep them from falling off, and keeps me from showing crack.) I also have a couple pairs of maternity khaki pants and one pair of black maternity pants, which aren't really my style outside of work, so I've been wearing them with a plain maternity shirt, and a scrub jacket. 

Thursday is my 20 week ultrasound (technically 19 weeks 6 days) and I am super nervous/excited. I'm beginning to get paranoid. What if the baby has no fingers? What if there is a heart problem? What if the baby's guts are still outside of its body?

And if there is a problem, I am going to blame myself. I haven't been taking my prenatal...for about 3 weeks now. Mostly they make me just a little bit nauseated (nothing that would cause me to lose my cookies) but enough to make me dread taking them. I bought folate right after I found out I was pregnant, then realized if I took my multivitamin, I was getting enough folic acid so didn't need to take the extra folate. I just yesterday pulled out the bottle. I should have done so sooner. I am probably getting enough folic acid in my diet, most of the time. I probably have nothing to worry about. I'm sure there are plenty of perfectly healthy babies out there that were born to mommies that never once took a vitamin or supplement while pregnant. But, there have been so many healthy babies born around me lately, that I feel like there is going to be a problem sometime soon. Some baby is going to be born with a defect, and knowing my luck it will probably be mine. What very dark and dreary thoughts for a pregnant lady to have. I know I'm not the first...and will not be the last.

The appointment on Thursday will settle my uncertainty, at least until the next appointment...and the next...and until the day I finally get to meet the little gummy bear...

I am so excited for Christmas this year. :D