A new start!

I have recently (in the last couple weeks) started going back to water aerobics. It has been wonderful to get back into it again. I really did miss going. It isn't easy to get myself there, but once I'm in it, I am happy to be exercising again.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to lose 20 pounds. I haven't really "dieted" yet since Riley was born nearly ten(!!) months ago. Can you believe I gained 45 pounds when I was pregnant with him? The first 25 practically fell off in the first few weeks after I had him. I kept holding on to hoping that the rest of the weight would just suddenly drop off without me consciously doing anything. But I'm through living in denial. I also didn't want to risk depleting my milk supply. But now that the little Mister is older, and nearing the age of being weaned, I've decided it is time to get into better shape. And I need to do it while my body is burning up extra calories making milk.

I can barely look in the mirror without being disgusted with what I see. I find myself extremely concerned with my relationship between my husband and I, because I get worried that he is also disgusted and no longer attracted to me. While he is definitely the one wishing private time were more frequent, I know that if I were a little bit more confident and happy with my body, I would be able to enjoy our private moments a little bit more.

I'm self conscious whenever I go out in public because I don't have very many outfits that look flattering on me. And even those that do, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I find myself comparing myself to the other women/ladies I see, dreaming that one day I will have body parts other women would be jealous of. ;) BUT seriously though, I do. I will be happy if I can fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans, and am 20 pounds lighter. (I could also lose 10 bonus pounds and be within a healthy weight for me, but I'm not going to push the issue...at least not yet.)

I probably will continue to envy other ladies that I see, because there will always be someone out there skinnier, prettier, funnier, etc than me, but I will work on not letting it hold me back or get me down.

So, this week, I will be starting WeightWatchers. My mom and I will be going together to help keep each other motivated. Hopefully I'll keep you all updated with my progress. But it has been close to a month since I posted last, so we'll see.

:D Here is to a healthier, happier me!