Woe is me.

Gestational Diabetes is difficult. I remember now, all of those thoughts I had shoved into the deep dark corners of my mind. The difficult, trying times I had when pregnant before, that I forced myself to forget about. There's something about a beautiful, warm, wiggly infant that makes you forget everything terrible that happened when he was forming in the womb. I was incredibly hopeful that I might not be diagnosed with GD this time though.

And, okay, my blood sugars are pretty well controlled. I was just barely diagnosed this time. (Meaning I only had one elevated blood sugar during the 2-hour test and it was only a smidge over, but it only takes one elevated blood sugar to diagnose a lady.)

I am better now, at keeping myself satisfied. The first go around I had no understanding of protein. It was difficult for me because my diet before I got pregnant consisted mostly of carbohydrates. This time, my diet was more well rounded. That being said, I still wish I could have a pan of brownies on my stove without worrying that I won't be able to stay away from them. Last night, Riley saw a box that holds a cupcake display on my kitchen table (I borrowed it from my mom for Riley's birthday and haven't returned it yet...) It has pictures of different types of cupcakes being displayed and he said "Cars cupcakes in there?" But cupcakes really comes out something like "cuh-kays." He remembered his birthday cupcakes that had McQueen and Mater on them. Then he really badly wanted to make some. And so did I. But I knew that if I made a bunch of cupcakes, I would also want to eat a bunch of cupcakes, and it is better that I don't right now.

It is kind of funny to me, in a sick way. When I was on Weight Watchers, I could have "dangerous" things in my house. I could make brownies for my husband. I could have made cupcakes for Riley. And I might have had some, but I would have stopped at one. And might not even be tempted, depending on how many points I had available. Whereas now, I don't think I could resist. It is what I crave the most, and my will power is wearing thin. The difference is right now what I eat doesn't just affect me. It also will affect this little wiggly baby. I do not want him to be a huge newborn, and keeping my sugars in control will help that. But also I don't want to have to stay longer in the hospital if his blood sugars won't regulate. And I don't want them to make me supplement if I can help it.

I'm planning my first meals right now, though they might change later on down the road. You better believe a milk shake is one of the first things on my list.

That being said, I'm finding out that sometimes carbs aren't really necessary: I had a lettuce wrapped burger the other day that was really quite tasty! So I was able to have onion rings with it, since I didn't waste my carbohydrates on the bun. It was one of the most satisfying "out to eat" moments I've had. I didn't feel like I was missing out.

The education I got this time was helpful in some ways, but the nurse does not teach carb counting (as I was taught the last time). Instead she tells me I have certain times of the day when I can have certain food groups. I was appalled when she basically told me I could have fruit with dinner, and with a bedtime snack that also had some protein. I'm sorry, but fruit is a big saving grace for me. I need the sweetness to keep me away from brownies and cupcakes and chocolate. And so, I've pretty much taken from her teachings what I want, and count carbs like I have done in the past. One thing she mentioned to me, and I have found to be true, is: if you eat only carbs at bedtime, the fasting blood sugar in the morning will be higher. And this is because as you sleep, your body freaks out because your easy access food supply is burned off rather quickly. So your liver will dump out some sugars to make sure your brain and heart get the sugars they need to function. The problem is, the liver dumps too much, causing elevated fasting blood sugars. However, if you add some protein, the body has to take longer to process it, so the liver doesn't get the message to dump sugars.

Another little thing she told me, was carbs are best eaten 4-5 hours after waking. This is because the body just slowed down all of its processes for sleep, and it takes a while for it to wake up again to process the food we eat. What this boils down to is I cannot tolerate oatmeal in the morning. I have tried twice, and both times my blood sugars have been on the higher side. It is really sad, because I love my oatmeal. And so does little Riley. :) But Adams peanut butter on two slices of low calorie bread with some sliced strawberries on top is really hitting the spot in the morning. I found some Greek yogurt with only 9 carbs in it that really satisfies, so I'll eat a cup of that as well.

But there are really depressing, stomach growling moments where I really wish I could have some ice cream or other carbohydrate, and I long for time to pass more quickly. Tomorrow I will be 33 weeks. Only 5-7 more to go!