Thyroid drama, continued.

For previous posts on my thyroid drama, go here.


Every year I have an ultrasound to check in on my thyroid. After having Riley, I sort of forgot to check in as I was supposed to. It just wasn't on my priority list. So I was a little late checking in this year. (I usually go to see her in April). 


So, in September I went in for what I thought was a routine ultrasound. But as the tech finishes up, she says, "I'm going to show the Radiologist, and he will decide if you need a biopsy." At first I thought, "how neat, I'll find out my results right away." But I quickly realized what she meant. If he decided I needed a biopsy, he would perform it that day. Deeply rooted anxiety washed over me. 


I just wasn't prepared for a biopsy. No. I can't. Looking back on it now, I am a little bit annoyed/irritated/bothered by what happened next: she looked disappointed. 


As I analyze the situation now, I realize she had an intern following her that day. "Perfect, another checkbox to fill in, you might get to assist on a biopsy today." I imagine she might have said. When I refused, I deflated her a little. 


She was looking forward to it. 


While she was out of the room, I thought about the situation. Was I being dramatic? Should I just get it over with? I had driven myself while my Mom watched Riley. She could come get me, and I could pick up my car later. My heart was thumping in my chest. And I felt guilty that the intern wouldn't get to assist on my biopsy that day. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to realize the inappropriate way the ultrasound tech had responded. I was close to changing my mind...


Sure enough, my thyroid had changed a little, and the Radiologist recommended a biopsy. But I just could not get over the panic I felt. 


I probably should have just done it then to get it over with, because it took me until the end of November to finally reschedule the biopsy, but I didn't. By the time my appointment came around, I was just as nervous, if not more since I had a lot of time to work myself up over it. 


The whole procedure was done in less than 30 minutes, and I've been through it before so I knew this going in. But it did hurt this time, as it did the first time, and I was extremely stressed throughout the procedure. The ultrasound tech (a male this time) was caring. He really did try to help me relax. I told him my history, that I had a very bad experience the first time, (a better experience the second time, though I was having trouble remembering the details) and I recounted how the Attending (during my first biopsy) had said "you see that? That is the carotid artery, don't hit that." All, while a needle was in my neck. 


He reassured me that even if the needle went through my carotid artery, a small amount of pressure would be enough to stop the bleeding. The needle is so small that it wouldn't do very much damage. This helped me relax ever so slightly. 


After the procedure, and the Radiologist left, the tech put pressure on my neck. Within a few minutes I began to feel light-headed. I told him so. My hands began tingling, and I started seeing a light flashing over my head. I envisioned myself on a gurney being pushed down a hallway with the overhead lights flashing past...


Then he touched my arm, and brought me back. He said he was starting to lose me, that I had started to twitch as if beginning to fall asleep. It was the weirdest feeling I've ever had. Then, I had waves of nausea, that I fought desperately. He brought me a bottle of water which helped. I did not want to throw up. I was embarrassed enough having passed out. Yet again, an experience I did not want to repeat. 


As was the case with my first biopsy, I developed a rash over my neck following the ultrasound. I'm pretty sure now that I am allergic to chlorahexadine scrub, as that is what the two have in common. I requested iodine during my second biopsy, because my Doctor had determined that I might be allergic to the chlorahexadine. I decided this time to verify this to be true...


I didn't receive my results until yesterday. They came back "inconclusive." My endocrinologist's nurse was the one to call, and she told me Dr. Q recommended a repeat biopsy in SIX WEEKS. I immediately said no way. All of my results have been "inconclusive" according to her. I am still a little annoyed over it. I'm wondering if I should find a new endocrinologist to get a second opinion. But she is pretty well recommended. I sort of agreed to repeating it in 6 months instead. But I'm not sold on that either. I have until June to figure it out I guess...

Biopsy Blues

Well on Friday I had my thyroid biopsy. (If you missed my previous post about this, go here.) And compared to my previous biopsy, it really was not that bad. The worst part was the anxiety leading up to the biopsy.

I made sure to talk about my previous experience (trying not to cry) to let the ultrasound technician and the doctor know how terrible it was. I feel like the MD was trying as hard as he could to make this biopsy better than my last. He made sure to tell me to swallow before he put a needle in my neck (you don't realize how much you need to swallow until you are not allowed to), and he was very comforting.

Now it is day number 3 after the biopsy and you can barely tell that I had one done! Last time I had a ridiculous bruise all over my neck complete with large itchy welts! It was terrible. I ended up going to the MD to see if it was infected, and she told me it was an allergic reaction. We treated it with some topical cortisone to decrease the itching.

With a wedding less that 30 days away, I was ridiculously scared that this biopsy would maim my neck like it did last time. Fortunately, thus far, my neck is looking just fine!

The bad part is that the MD had to stop the biopsy before he wanted to, because blood was covering the area he was trying to get to. Ultimately he could no longer see the area he wanted to biopsy, so he had to stop. He said that he was 50% sure that he got a good enough sample. That doesn't make me feel very good...he said that I might need to have another biopsy. Which, if that is the case, I will not do until after my wedding.

I'm not sure if I want to find out the results before my wedding or not. I won't be doing anything about it before my wedding anyway, and I don't want to be burdened with the thought of either having to have another biopsy, or the thought of having cancer. However, if it is nothing, that would be a huge relief.

The results take 5-7 days to get back, so I won't be able to find out until next week. Which will give me enough time to get used to the idea of having cancer, or needing another biopsy. (Of course if it is neither I'll feel great!)

My dramatic thyroid

Well, you might remember me talking about my problem thyroid, but if you want a refresher course, go here! The blog entries there are listed from most recent to oldest entry so if you prefer to read them in chronological order, start from the bottom.

Well my last ultrasound was in October of last year, and like I noted before my thyroid MD wanted me to have a repeat ultrasound in 6 months. So last week, I had another ultrasound done.

I went in to speak with my thyroid MD to review the results, and she said that the right side has pretty much stayed the same, so that she is not very concerned with that. However, the left side, while it has less fluid (and is therefore smaller) there is a larger solid component, which she feels should be biopsied to verify that it is not cancerous.

When I heard that, my stomach dropped. My last biopsy was the worst experience of my life. I refuse to go back to UWMC for it. Only because I know if I go there, I will have a resident perform the biopsy, and I'd much rather have a radiologist who has done several hundred biopsies that someone who has done a couple.

So I have an appointment on Friday at 1:30. I don't know how long it will take to get the results back...but I'm pretty nervous.

Is there a baby in my future?

The other day I ran into a friend of Jamaal's at Safeway in Federal Way. I had just gone to my ultrasound appointment for my thyroid, and while waiting for my mom to go on her lunch break, I decided to get grocery shopping done. I had forgotten that Kevin, Jamaal's friend (and mine) was now dairy manager at the 320th Safeway. I went around a corner, and almost hit him with my cart.


He asked why I was shopping so far from home (or something a long those lines, basically asked why I was there)


And I replied "I just had an ultrasound and was in the area so I decided to get some grocery shopping done."


We said "see ya!" and went our separate ways.


In the back of my mind I thought, "I'll bet he thinks I'm pregnant." But just kind of shrugged it off.


I asked Jamaal last night if he had talked to Kevin lately, and he said "The last time I talked to Kevin was a couple days after you two ran into each other." I had to pry to get more information.


Jamaal said, "He was like 'So do you have anything you need to tell me?' and I didn't know what he was talking about, and he asked if you were pregnant and I was like No, man. No!"


Hehe...


Next time I'll be sure and specify the body part for my ultrasound. But it was kind of fun how this one turned out. I love that Kevin couldn't ask me at the time, but had to call Jamaal about it later. I can only imagine the conversation Kevin had with is wife...

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Well I guess I haven't updated about my thyroid drama.

About a month ago I noticed that my thyroid, upon palpation, felt a little bigger than before. So I decided that I needed to see my Thyroid MD again to decide what to do. If you don't remember, read this. So we scheduled an ultrasound, and the radiologist said that he/she didn't see a change in size. My thyroid MD recommended to get another ultrasound in 6 months, and would like to do a biopsy in her office (with much smaller needles) in about 3 months to check things out. I still don't know about that...she says it isn't as traumatic as my experience during my biopsy.

We'll see. The biopsy is starting to not sound that bad...I must be going crazy!

Stitch free

Well today I packed Bacardi up in her carrier and we went to the vet to get her stitches out. When we arrived I noticed some puke (that looked an awful lot like prune) in her carrier. The poor girl! She had some pink on her face from laying her head in it...so sad! The receptionist cleaned out my carrier and gave me a towel to use instead of her pad, even though I said it was fine. So now she's mostly healed, just a little teensie bit of scab left on her incision.


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On Monday I went and saw my thyroid doctor. She didn't yell at me like I thought she would. But she agreed with me. She wanted me to get a second ultrasound (no biopsy) to compare to the original in january. BUT she didn't want me to go to Virginia Mason in F-Way, because they stink...according to her. She wants me to go to St. Francis instead. So I had to get my films (picked them up today) so that I can give them to the new radiologist. I'll keep you updated with what we find.

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Today I was in Joann's looking for something to put my new Decor Elements on, and when I got back in my car I couldn't find my phone. I went back in the store, and found it on a shelf by some frames I was looking at! :-O

That's the closest I've been to losing my phone, and the thing that kept running through my mind: "I should call Jamaal to freak out about it to him" but without a phone, how do I do that? It was in the first place I looked, but goodness who does that? (well I guess when I was young, like 12 or so, I set my purse down on a shelf in costco...it was still there when I realized I lost it...)

A mix of many things

Well I have scheduled my follow up with my thyroid MD, and we'll see how that goes. I'm nervous about it, mostly because I think I'll get chewed out. I want to get in there as soon as possible, hopefully get another ultrasound, and then decide. If I have the surgery at all, it would be good for me to get my surgery in before the year is over, because I have already paid my deductible for the year, and so it would be cheaper this year rather than waiting until next year.
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So I've decided that I'm kind of pathetic when it comes to listening to songs on the radio. I almost cry, or at least get watery eyes practically once a day just because of the songs I hear. One gets me every time:

"Just a Dream" by Carrie Underwood.

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe something borrowed something blue
and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears
oh she just couldn’t believe it she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands

Chorus: Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go I was counting on forever, now I'll never know I cant even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him
oh and what could’ve been and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart

Chorus: Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go I was counting on forever, now I'll never know; I can't even breathe.
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to goI was counting on forever, now I'll never know Ohh i'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now, This can't be happening to me This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream just a dream, ya

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The first time I heard it I thought she was going to her wedding, so I was happy for her, but then I realized that he had died, and then I lose it. That would be a terrible thing. I don't think I could handle that. And I realize that he was in the military, but to me it's the same thing: loss is loss, and I just couldnt handle that. (I know most people don't think they could, but life will go on, and I know that I would be able to function, but I'm soooo not ready for that.) Don't know that I'd ever be, but that's beside the point...

I keep thinking more and more about my wedding day and hope that it will be soon. I keep hinting for 6/6/09, (so keep that date open...) and so that song scares me even more...

CDs I want: Carrie Underwood Carnival Ride; Taylor Swift's self titled album; and Jordin Sparks' self titled album.

Problem thyroids

Well I have posted a poll on here to see what I should name the new blog. I really don't love LOVE any of them, but I suppose one would do. Hopefully someone will think of something that will just blow me out of the water, and say "I LOVE IT!"

So night shift has got me bored...I'm going to be busy here soon though, lots of things to do once 0500 hits. Which is actually a good thing for me...

Tonight I noticed that my neck is extra large. I guess I havent posted that I decided to wait on the surgery. I decided that my surgeon had a point: waiting and seeing how it goes can be better than rushing for the extreme option of complete removal of the thyroid gland. We Americans tend to go that route...reaching for the pills to fix a problem, that could be worked out with other ways like physical therapy, psychotherapy, etc.

Also, he scared me into thinking that I might have a hoarse voice, or might have a problem with my parathyroid gland if he nicked either my larangeal nerve or my parathyroid (respectively).

But tonight I noticed that my neck is really kind of large. So I need to call my thyroid doctor and schedule a follow up appointment where I can discuss with her the fact that the surgeon told me to wait. And then I need to schedule a follow up ultrasound. And since I already feel that it is enlarged, I have a feeling I'll be scheduling a surgery next year. I do not want another biopsy, that's for sure!

Meanwhile, I'm worried about it...and to tell the truth, I don't want to face my thyroid MD with an intact thyroid...she is going to tell me to schedule my surgery no matter what. I wonder if I should get a new thyroid MD...

My thyroid drama

Last November, my primary care provider (PCP) found that I had an enlarged thyroid during a routine physical exam. She wanted me to get an ultrasound done to examine what was going on with my thyroid. So, after the ultrasound, which I had done in January of this year, I was referred to a thyroid specialist. The thyroid specialist stated that my ultrasound showed some questionable areas, and to make sure that the cells weren't cancer, I needed a biopsy.

The biopsy happened in April, and was actually one of the worst experiences of my life. I'm lying there, awake. A nurse. And the Resident is being instructed by his Attending during the procedure. They performed the biopsy using an ultrasound to guide the needle. At one point the Attending said "You see that? That's her carotid. Don't hit that." And that is a direct quote. I'm sure my heart rate increased, and blood pressure skyrocketed as I tried to focus on not swallowing or breathing too hard. The Attending said other things like "This is very interesting." and "This is a very complicated case." and noted that my blood vessels ran right through where they were trying to insert the needle. And as a nurse, I know that some cancers grow their own sets of blood vessels to help nourish the cancer and help the cells to grow. And I am laying there thinking all of that as she continued to increase my anxiety by noting how difficult this case was. And I forgot to mention that she went through 20cc plus of lidocaine as I could feel them attempting to poke and prod at my neck. I tried my best not to burst into tears while they were doing the biopsy, because I had to hold still. But a few tears leaked out and ran down my face toward my ears (because I was lying on my back). I walked back to the waiting area where my boyfriend was waiting for me, and when I saw him I burst into tears. I cried over the pain, and the fear of it possibly being cancer, and the uncertainty of it all. My anxiety finally had a release at that point. I couldn't move my head without it hurting, and I had to call in sick the next day, because it hurt so bad. A few days later I had severe welts where the needles poked me; it itched and was puffy and miserable, and eventually I went to my PCP who gave me some steroid cream to help it go away.

So after all of that I met with my thyroid doctor again, for the results. She told me that the results showed that it wasn't cancerous now, but could eventually turn into cancer. She told me that I would either have to have yearly biopsies, or get the thyroid removed. She said that since I was young, and since the biopsy was so complicated, that it would be better in the long run to get the thyroid removed.

So I arranged to see the surgeon she recommended, and met with him today. And what he told me was completely different. He basically told me to keep the thyroid in and have yearly ultrasounds to watch the thyroid and see if it changes in size. He said that thyroid cancer is very slow growing and spreads slowly so watching it is much safer than some of the other fast moving cancers. He said I wouldn't have to have biopsies every year, just the ultrasound. He said that it was ultimately my decision, that I could have it surgically removed if I didn't want to have to worry about it. But he would recommend his daughter to have it watched instead of removing it straight away. He said that my biopsy results are actually kind of in the murky area, it isn't definitive either way, it could be cancer, it could be benign (not cancer).

So now I have a big decision to make. I went into that office visit thinking that I would have my thyroid removed. I thought I was going to be making the appointment and going over the nitty gritty details. So I was prepared to have surgery. But I wasn't prepared for him to say that I wouldn't need it.

Part of me is scared to death of surgery and the risks including: bleeding, infection, and possible harm to the laryngeal nerve, causing my voice to be hoarse, either temporarily or permanently. But I'm also thinking about how I'll always have it in the back of my mind that it could be cancerous, and will have to pay for ultrasounds for who knows how long, and eventually might have to have it removed anyway.

I'm still kind of leaning more toward having it removed. But I think I'm still in shock.