Fair warning: Not a happy post.

I am having one of those weeks. It started as a really awful Monday at work, and has sort of bubbled over into the following several days. I thought I was over it, but today I got a phone call from one of the assistant managers from work asking me about if I would be willing to attend a meeting with the Attendings and Managers on our floor next Monday, and in an unrelated twist she asked how I was doing after last Monday. I started to say I was fine, and noticed myself begin to cry again, and realized that I was indeed, not over it. I am not fine.

Nursing is not easy. And last Monday was one of the worst shifts of my career. It was hard, emotional, and busy. I was torn into 5 uneven pieces and could not figure out how to make myself whole again. At one point, as I was preparing for a simple procedure, I stepped out of my patient's room to grab something out of our supply drawer just outside the room. I stood there for a second with my mind blank. I literally had taken 5 steps, and in those 5 steps had forgotten why I had moved in the first place. I think I stood there for a full minute before I remembered what it was I needed. A simple piece of gauze. The patient noticed and laughed a little, saying I was too young to be as forgetful as he was. But I told him, "when you have 5 peoples' lives in your head, you begin to get a bit forgetful." He said that it would be worse if I had kids, so I changed my number to 6. I didn't mention to him that it was about my lunch hour and I hadn't a notion of being able to take a lunch in the near future. I was stressed out. His family members were getting demanding. I had mentioned to them that I would do the procedure at some point during the shift, and when I didn't get in there right away to do it, they went to a doctor to demand it happen. The doctor then relayed the message to me, and I told her I was going to do it, I just needed a second to breathe.

I hope that the stress of being sick or having a loved one in the hospital doesn't cloud my vision so I don't treat the staff poorly, even when I am hurting or scared.

This job is personal. Sometimes un-comfortably so. Last Monday I was so busy, so so busy. I wasn't able to be there for a patient who needed me. She was stewing in her room, creating anxiety and stress for herself, that was unnecessary. Her situation is unfair. She didn't deserve to be stressed out by me. Her friend came up to me at the front desk, to let me know that the patient was threatening to leave. I lost it right then. I felt that I had let her down. When I envisioned how my day would go, this was not a part of it. I was overwhelmed, drowning in my tasks, and unfortunately that meant she went a bit neglected. In some cases, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I didn't have time to check in for no reason. The doctors had been in and told her some conflicting information. All of these things broke what little trust I had earned. The assistant nurse manager went in to the patient's room, and listened to her complaints. Afterwards she asked that I go back in to speak with the patient and clear up some information, and also to allow the patient to tell me why she was upset. I walked in the room and burst into tears. It was difficult. It was uncomfortable. It was hard.

And even through all of that she still wanted me to be the one to hang her chemotherapy later that day. I told her, that I was just too emotional to do it. I didn't feel comfortable, I was too shaky and overwhelmed to concentrate on hanging a life altering drug.

And after all of that I sat down to eat at 4:30pm. The latest lunch I've ever had at work. And at the end of the day, I had an hours worth of charting and catch up to do before I could come home. To an empty house.

The next day I had a headache and decided to call in sick to get some extra sleep. I wish I could let go of my emotions. But, like I said before, this job is personal.

Mrs. T

Today I had a patient ask me: "If you would have known you would be doing this everyday, do you think you still would have become a nurse?"

You see, today, I was in charge. And this patient had called, the unit secretary answered her call, and attempted to contact the assistant and the covering nurse (the patient's nurse was on lunch) and no one was available. The pt stated she had to go to the bathroom, "really badly." 

To be honest...I sighed. Even now, as I typed this paragraph I sighed. Taking people to the bathroom truly is not my favorite thing to do. I would not have become a nurse if that was all I were to do. I have experienced a multitude of different scenarios while taking people to the bathroom during my five years of being a nurse. Many of which are positive experiences during which "please," "thank you," and stories are shared. But of course there are always several negative experiences that seem to overshadow all of the good ones. 

The fact of the matter is that some people handle the sick role better than others. Some people weren't given, either by nature or nurture, the appropriate coping mechanisms to handle an illness. We nurses call this "poor coping skills." Some truly cannot help it at this time in their life due to some altered mental status, and in those situations I find the most difficulty. I have to constantly breathe into the task at hand, and repeat to myself "they are sick, they are scared, they don't know who you are." Because I have to believe if they did know, they would apologize for their actions, and a part of them would be embarrassed. Until that time, I try not to let their harsh words and actions get to me. 

Let me tell you, though, I will only lay still and take abuse for so long!

Anyway, back to my sigh. I walked into that patient's room, and there she sat, with her feet dangling off the bed and a huge pool of excrement on her sheets. She said, she was sorry for anyone who had to come in to help her. She had a slight Irish accent, and flashed a smile at me after I made a joke about probably not needing any more bowel meds. (She had been given quite a lot, because she was really constipated after having 2 separate surgeries about a week apart.) I usually can predict how a situation will end up if people get a kick out of my humor. 

I called for someone to come in and help me and together we got the bed and the patient all cleaned up in no time. While she was sitting on the commode chair, as I was changing her sheets, she asked me the above question: would I have still become a nurse if I knew I would be cleaning up poo everyday?

And I answered her honestly: I don't clean it up everyday. Several times a week maybe (back when I was full time), but most of the time people make it to the toilet. :) She said she had a lot of respect for what nurses did, and stated there would be no doctors without nurses. And I agreed. So I told her, that when it is someone like her, who is kind, respectful, and has a good sense of humor it is easy for me to do my job. I don't mind it. It doesn't even really gross me out. People like her are the reason I return to work. And when all of the negative encounters begin outweighing the good ones, I will find some other nursing job to latch onto. Because that is one perk of nursing, there are a multitude of other jobs I could do. But for now, I'm okay where I'm at.

Urine output

Can I complain for a bit?

Some days I really dislike my job. (And to be clear, the job I am referring to is my job as a nurse.)

Today was one of those days. Though, as far as bad days go, I've had much, much worse.

But something struck me today. It was just after 1 pm when I received a phone call from a doctor. I was actually in the middle of something. I was trying to get a patient of mine discharged. Up until this point I had hardly sat down. I had charted on only one of my patients, and that was because I was in her room waiting on someone to help me.

This doctor was calling to alert me that he was planning on bringing some orders by in the near future. So that I could keep my eyes peeled for these new orders. That was nice of him, I do appreciate those calls. Then he stated he noticed that no urine output had been charted on the patient. And I stated, "oh, yes I haven't charted it yet, but we emptied 1,400cc." (I should add that the patient was admitted on the Urology service.) I stated that I would chart it a little later. The doctor started to chew me out and say that I needed to chart it now. And did I realize that this patient was a Urology patient and these values are important. As I said before I had been in a patient room, trying to get him discharged. When I got this call, I had stepped out of the room. But unfortunately by this point I was raising my voice.

I told that doctor I was sorry, but hadn't had a minute to chart it yet. And that he would have to wait just like everyone else. I was furious.

The nerve of him. I had told him the value, wasn't that enough? He was implying that I needed to stop what I was doing at that very moment, and chart a value that he now knew. What would me charting it that second change? Nothing. He was on a power trip. And I was not in the mood.

I do not know what ideal world he lives in where I am able to chart everything I do right as I do it. I wish I could, but my patients require my services a bit too much these days. He was implying that I simply did not care about the patient's urine output. And this is not true. I hadn't fully remembered that I needed to chart it. (But I had made a note of it, and knew that when I was able to sit down to chart, that I would remember to do so.) Had the value been critical, I would have called the doctor immediately to let him know. But it wasn't. The patient  had perfect urine output.

I wish that doctor had followed me around today, to see how very busy I was. My legs, as I type this are sore and tired from being used for nearly 8 hours straight. I cleaned up urine and linen about 10 times during my 8-hour shift. Because right as we were finished cleaning her, she would empty her bladder again.

So, I'm sorry Doctor. I hadn't charted that value for your patient. I was busy with ensuring that an elderly lady's bottom did not sit in a pool of urine. I was busy trying to get a cancer patient discharged to his warm, cozy bed at home. To his dogs that were desperate for him to return to them. And I was busy soothing and calming your patient down when he didn't know where he was. All of these things are a bit more important when it really comes down to it.

If you were the one in that hospital bed, you would think so too.

Inspired

Last night I finished reading The Help. It left me feeling so jittery, and inspired, and thankful, all at the same time. It was 11 pm and I was tired, so I went to bed, and proceeded to lay there with my mind going 100 mph. Jamaal's breathing slowed and became rhythmic after only 20 minutes or so, and I was left alone with my thoughts. He rarely falls asleep before I do, and I am not a fan.

At just before 1 am I finally drifted off, but it was short lived. Riley woke up at 1:15, and since I was basically still awake, I got up to nurse him back to sleep. He didn't seem as though he was going to let up and fall asleep anyway. It didn't take long to get him back to sleep, but those thoughts were back to torment me again. After getting up to wash my face, and a few rounds of angry birds I finally felt my eyes become heavy and off to sleep I went.

For some reason Riley woke up again at 4:30, I'm hopeful that he is going through a growth spurt, my little man needs to get bigger. By 5 I was back in bed, and quickly asleep. I should be thankful, that for the past month, I have been getting regular sleep of 4-8 hour stretches. I can't even remember the days when he would sleep for 1-3 hours at a time. Last night I was reminded what it used to be like, but not nearly as bad as it was back then. If I could have shut off my mind, I would have gotten a lot more sleep.

It seems strange to me, but after reading the book, I became inspired to write one of my own. I know myself well enough to know that I will not follow through on this. After starting as a nurse 4 years ago, I had a brilliant idea to start a book on being a nurse. I wanted to encourage new nurses that it gets better. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel. After 9 months of working, I finally felt some confidence. I finally would make it through a week without crying while at work. I finally was able to enjoy my coworkers, my patients, their families and my personality was finally coming through. Prior to that I was so focused on my tasks that I had no energy left to enjoy it.

I wrote little snippets here and there when the ideas struck me. But my inspiration quickly dissipated and I stopped. I don't even know if I have my notes anymore.

Last night the inspiration returned. This time though, I wanted to share stories of the people I have encountered at work. I have met some wonderful people. They are the ones that make me feel honored to be a nurse. When working with them, I don't feel the burden of my job, but I feel blessed to have been a part of their life, and them a part of mine.

But I've also worked with some extremely difficult patients and their families. And of course it is these situations that float up to the top. They are the ones that leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. And I wonder if they were to read about how rude, inconsiderate, and selfish they have been, would they make a change? Would it help others if they knew just what exactly it is like to be the nurse caring for difficult patients? Maybe, "please" and "thank you" would come out just a little bit more.

I literally stood outside the door of one particularly difficult patient's room and thought to myself: "It is not worth losing your job over." I wanted so badly to yell back at her, and tell her how rude she was being to everyone that had worked with her. But I knew that just would not be appropriate. Instead, I asked to get a different patient at 3pm, and passed her off to a different nurse. 8 hours of working with her was just too much time for me.

I think I will start trying to jot down notes as they come to me. But I doubt I will ever end up with a published book. There are so many logistics related to patient privacy and confidentiality, that I don't  know if I would be allowed to publish it anyway.

If you haven't read The Help yet, I suggest you do it. It was a very easy read, and if I did not have housework, work and a baby to look after, I would have finished reading it the day I bought it. I would have stayed up through the night reading if I could. I plan on writing a bit more on the book itself someday, but for now I must attend to a screaming, tired babe.

The pressure of my profession

There have been a lot of things rolling around in my brain lately. I want to discuss one of those things.

In April, a nurse committed suicide because of a medication error she had made the previous September. The medication error may have played a role in the death of the infant 5 days later. From what I have read, experts cannot say either way if the medication error caused the baby's death or not, as the baby was in a fragile state prior to the error.

What hurts the most are people's reactions to the tragedy. A few people commented on how there was no justice served for the family of the child since the nurse committed suicide. The one comment in particular that shook me was:

"This story is a real shame - that the nurse would take her own life, rather than face justice, only to leave the hospital staff to clean up her mess.

As a parent, especially of an infant or toddler, I would be only satisfied with questions of why. Why my child did you (hospital employee) chose to carry out ill advised medical care? Now that the nurse decided to end her own life, as a parent (hypothetically speaking), I am left without what I'd believe to be true justice. "

You can see one of the articles, and comments/responses here.

It only takes a few harsh/rude/inappropriate comments, in an ocean of supportive/friendly/agreeable comments to rock the boat. But I was not the only one shaken by this person's opinion. It makes me feel that the work I do isn't appreciated. The nurse was not reckless, she had no history of being a "crappy" nurse. She had been working for 24 years and had never made a mistake like this before. But there are people out there that are only satisfied with a public stoning. If I were to make a mistake, there would be people out there making comments similar to this. It is difficult to get "true justice" in a situation such as this. There is no winner, only losers. It terrifies me to my very core that I might find myself here: making an error that causes someone else harm. And to have no one there to pick me up after I fall.

I like to think that my family would support me, and carry me through that dark place of despair, that I would be strong enough to bounce back from such a horrible fall, but I don't know for sure. Depression, regret and guilt are difficult things to fight through, especially when the negative, harsh, unsupportive comments are louder and clearer than the supportive ones. I have to believe that I would persevere. I have to believe that I would be forgiven if I made such an error. Because the opposite is too depressing to think about.

7 quick takes Friday

1. A few Saturdays ago I went out to a bar expecting to be joined by Jamaal's (and now my) friends. I was pleasantly surprised to be joined by my friends too. Jamaal had wanted to do something special for my birthday, and asked my friends to join us. He told me that everyone couldn't make it. But this wasn't quite true. Kayleen and Stevie did make it. It was a wonderful surprise, and I had a wonderful time. :D

2. I'm back to work now, and not exactly excited about it. The first day back was hard on me. But mostly because we are understaffed and overworked. Yesterday, my fifth day of work, was the first time I left on time. I got all of my charting done on time as well. I even had a pretty busy shift, and still got things done! I was pretty proud of myself. :D It is hard to get to the pump room, and really I should be going to pump more than just once a shift, but it is very hard to get off the floor. Last Saturday was awful. I stayed over for 2 hours, and cried mid shift when I felt overwhelmed and needed to go pump badly. I'm very happy with my decision to decrease to 50%. I have just a little bit over a week left at my current percentage.


3. I feel like working has made me more appreciative of my time with Mr. Riley. I don't pass him to his father as much for diaper changes (unless I have something to do like make dinner or do dishes). I cannot wait to decrease my hours, so I can spend even more time with the little booger.


4. Tomorrow, he will be 4 months old! He is becoming so much more interactive. Last Sunday, Jamaal was playing with him, and he laughed. I was washing dishes and immediately stopped what I was doing and asked Jamaal "Did he just laugh?!" Jamaal didn't realize this was a new thing, because he had done it before for him that day. (Sunday is Jamaal's day to watch Riley while I work.) Turns out he had laughed for my mom on Thursday as well. He has laughed a few times for me, now that I know that he can. It is crazy, because I have been playing with him so much, and he never laughed for me before. I guess I should be happy, because Riley doesn't think I'm as funny looking as everyone else is. ;) His laugh so far almost sounds like a cough, but of course, it is absolutely adorable.

5. Today I went walking around the Supermall with my cousin and her baby. We went into the Carter's store, and I fell in love with all of the Preemie size clothing. Why is it that the smaller something is, the cuter it is? I want a little peanut to dress up in tiny clothing again. :D Especially if it can be wrapped up in pink frilly lace and bows (and not feel guilty about it.) I'm physically not ready to have another baby, but I'm excited about what the future might bring. I do not look forward to having awful heartburn for 9 months and having gestational diabetes again, but I know the end product would be worth it. (Though I'm still hopeful that the next pregnancy will be different, and I won't have gestational diabetes again.) Looking at all the girl clothes made me giddy with excitement. Don't get me wrong, this little boy has stolen my heart, and there are a lot of cute clothes out there that I would love to buy him. But there is something about glitter, ruffles and lace that is absolutely adorable in small sizes. I couldn't leave that store empty handed... :D (I'll share my splurges at a later date.) Here is a preview:

6. I'm looking forward to the end of this month. My mom, aunt and I are going to our annual "Embroidery Party" in Lynnwood. This year will be complicated by a little booger boy. In order to accommodate having a wiggly little body with us, my MIL will be joining us to babysit. The "Party" is two full days of using Embroidery machines to make cute little projects. We go around in groups making the projects, and break for lunch. My MIL and Riley will stay around the hotel, and when he needs mama to eat, she'll bring him to me. He will be the star of the show. There will be oodles of grandma's and mommy's around thirsting for this little guy's attention. It will be an adventure, to say the least. But I'm excited for a few nights away. (And several days off of work in a row!) We will leave Wednesday evening and come home Saturday morning after check out. They had a wonderful breakfast in the hotel, and a nice little snack in the afternoon. Last year I was newly pregnant, and just ever so slightly particular when it came to food. While I wasn't queasy, food just didn't really sound good to me. I had very specific food cravings. And they served sandwiches for lunch (which included lunch meat, which should be heated in a microwave or avoided while pregnant.). If you have ever tried microwaving deli turkey meat you know how bad it tastes. ;) This year I won't have the same issues with food.


7. I have several projects in my craft room that I desperately want to get to. I crave time with my stamps and sewing machine. Hopefully I will be able to finish up organizing my craft room. I have started taking out a lot of the bigger items and a lot of the clutter, so that I can put up some shelves and reorganize everything when I put it back into the room. This means that Mr. Riley's room has become a storage room for my craft items. I need to get this done soon, so perhaps we can get Riley's room suitable for him to use. :D


Wow...I did it. I got this post done in one day. :D

37 weeks

well, tomorrow I will be. That means, Thundercats are GO! ;) It can happen any time now. I've been trying to be a little bit more active, but with more activity, comes more swelling to my right leg. I walked a mile the other day with my girls when the rain stopped. I definitely felt pressure during the walk. I'm also still doing water aerobics. I try to be extra jumpy. ;)

Today we had our appointment with our midwife. She said the baby is low, but still has room to go lower. She did not check my cervix, because as one midwife explained to me, it doesn't really tell you much. You can be 4cm and not go into labor for a while, and you can be 1cm and have the baby that same day. It is essentially, not worth the pain. I am, however, curious to know what my cervix is up to.

My midwife told me today that they usually don't like people with gestational diabetes to go too much past their due date. I knew this already, because usually babies are a bit bigger if their mom had GD. So, that might mean I will be getting induced at the end of this month. If I can't coax him out on my own. ;)

Work.

I'm still going to work. I was thinking of stopping early and making Friday night my last night, but I realized that we need the money, and though I'm hopeful I'll have this baby early, it rarely happens on its own. If I leave early, then I have to go back earlier than I planned. And I might just miss being around this little guy, so I'd like to spend as much time as I can with him. Work, however, is sometimes very rough on me. The last shift I worked wasn't too bad. I was assigned an appropriate assignment: one with very few turns. The shift prior to that I had a dependent turner, which means I have to ask for a lot of help at least every 2 hours. I can barely reach the patient with my big ole belly; besides the fact that it really isn't good for my back to be lifting at this point. I hate asking for a lot of help. If I keep having decent assignments, where I have an appropriate load and don't have to move too fast, I'll be able to go to my planned date of the 19th. I have 8 shifts left, or less if he decides to come early. ;)  I can do it...

I added a couple more things I won't miss to the previous post, check it out.

"I have no graham crackers."

Two posts in one day? Guess I need to make up for lost time.

As a nurse, I find myself surprised by people on a daily basis. It is not always a patient of mine, but hearing stories from other nurses around me, there is something going on during every shift. There are no uneventful days at work.

Sometimes it is the patient, sometimes the patient's family, and of course there is always the mixture of both. The crazy in people really shows up during times of stress, and every person admitted to our unit is stressed.

On one particular night, I was blessed with a patient who has had the unfortunate history of becoming a perpetual patient. I mean that she is almost always sick in some way that ends her up in the hospital or clinic. I do not mean to downplay her illness, per say, but she has become her illness. I think she has been ill for so long that she has no identity of herself without being sick.

I'm actually not entirely sure why she was admitted to the hospital. I didn't do anything she couldn't have done herself at home. She liked to be sedated with pain medications, antiemetics, benzos and benedryl. And since, as I've said before, she is a perpetual patient, she knows a lot about what she should say when she wants something. She said all the right things that would imply that she was getting a kidney infection: it was very hard for her to pee, and she was getting flank/back pain right where her kidneys were. I didn't feel that she was exactly telling the truth, but it is not my call. So I phoned the MD who was on call. He came to see her and felt the same way as I did. He pressed on her abdomen and she screamed out in agony. He listened with his stethoscope and pressed in as hard as he had with his hands and she had no response; no grimace, no whine, nothing. Just a little background on this lady.

At one point she stated that we were not adequately controlling her blood sugars. She demanded I check to see what her blood sugar was. I forget the number exactly, but it was in the normal range in the 110's. I wanted to laugh in her face. She then proceeded to request the fruit plate with cottage cheese she had saved from earlier, and later 2 vanilla puddings.

I can't really put into words how much she drove me crazy. Except to say that near the end of the night, as I was finishing up giving her some medications she said to me: "I have no graham crackers." I stared at her for a second, then replied: "What does that mean?"

I knew exactly what it meant. She had no graham crackers, and wanted some. I wasn't going to take that as a request for graham crackers. I already felt that she was milking the system.

She went on to say that she likes to have graham crackers nearby at all times. This was news to me, it never came up before, and I had her for a 12-hour shift. I think it was about 0500 by this time, so our time together was nearly finished. I was already irritated with her, so I reacted with a little attitude. But I felt it was warranted.

She never did request the crackers. I said "Would you like some graham crackers?" Yes. She would. And also a couple egg custards. (Remember those vanilla puddings she requested earlier? She asked for egg custards then too, only for us to tell her we don't carry them on the floor.) I sent the assistant working with me to deliver a stack of graham crackers and two more vanilla puddings. That was the last time I saw her, except to do the change of shift "bedside" report. (I quoted bedside, only because the pt was up walking around the unit, so we did the check in the hallway.) Later that day, the patient was discharged to home. I talked with the nurse who had her during the day, and she had roughly the same experience that I had. The pt spouted off some other symptoms, the MDs obliged and did tests on her to check on her "symptoms" only to find nothing wrong. It was a difficult discharge. But she will be back.

Changing shifts...

Night shift here I come.

I'm really looking forward to it.

Today was my last day shift, and my last day working with a Senior Nursing student. She took all three of our patients and did most of everything independently (with supervision and with some help here and there). So today was a wonderful day. I love when I have time to help others at work. When I am searching for something to do. I went around asking everyone if they needed help, and since we were a little overstaffed for our usual load, everyone else was doing okay as well.

It's funny though. There are a couple people that I get annoyed with when they ask me to do something. I need to work on that. But I feel like they don't use me when I offer, but near the end of the shift, when I have things to do again, they expect me to drop everything to help them. Also, some of them always seem to be just charting all day, and will hand out tasks to me every time (when it appears that they could definitely get off their butts and do it just as easily as me.) I've learned to always ask them last. ;)

Night shifters work together a bit better, and I seem to have a few more "friends" there. Though there are definitely some of my favorites on days as well.

I just hope I get a full time night position soon...

Sleep all day

I'm back on night shift....which actually isn't all that bad. The past 3 nights at work were a breeze. I had all my charting done by 0700 with the exception of a few little things I had to do at the last minute. But compared to day shift, most of the time my charting isn't all done at 1500. On nights you get to sit down so much more! I love that. ;)

Our unit is so busy during the day that I move move move, and sometimes feel like I'm going nowhere. The past couple nights I've been sitting, trying to find things to do.

Last night I decided to take a look at my benefit time to gauge how long it would take for me to accrue enough time to take a full 4 months of maternity leave...it wasn't pretty. I would have to wait an entire year to even try to get pregnant and even then I wouldn't have enough vacation time saved up to meet the 512 hours I'd need in order to have the same size paychecks I have now. I would have about 220 hours of vacation by this December. If I decreased my pay to 50% while on leave, I still wouldn't have the 320 hours that would require.

The US has their priorities way wrong. A woman should be able to have PAID time off with their babies. Jamaal and I will be moving to Europe for a year now.

Thankfully we have a tax credit coming. But since I won't be making nearly enough I want to set aside $4000 strictly for our mortgage payment while I'm on leave. $3000 of it will go to my parents as a "gift" since they gave us a "gift" last year, and that leaves $1000 of extra.

We really need furniture, we have 2 love seats...and $1000 won't be enough for couches/chairs/bedroom furniture.

Oh woe is me. I'll be looking for 0% interest financing at discount furniture stores, so we can put a $1000 down payment and put the rest on credit. I figure that should only be at most $3000 of credit, so we could swing a $500 monthly payment for 6 months.

Now to convince Jamaal that it's time...

RIP

R.I.P reminds me of a spooky cemetery scene in a child's Halloween cartoon. For me it really lacks a certain respect for the departed. Spelt out, it means so much more.

* * *

One of the most difficult patients I've ever had on my orthopedic floor (6SE) was one I'd never guess I would find here. For the most part, our patient population on 6SE is littered with knee, hip, shoulder and spine patients; sarcoma and chemo patients fill most of the gaps. But when we have empty beds, we fill them with pretty much anything.

We happened to have an empty bed when She was admitted. And that is how She ended up on my floor.

For someone so young, She saw more pain and hardships than anyone should ever face. Unfortunately, She saw too much to recover from.

Once I got over Her emaciated appearance, which I guess I never really truly "got over," I noticed Her rough hands. On Her body, Her hands were huge, they looked like jumbo marshmallows on toothpick arms. Her hands were callused and looked so much like ones I've seen before on a few of the homeless patients that I've cared for. They gave away Her difficult past. She must have spend at least some time outside in the cold.

Drug abuse. Prostitution. Rape. HIV, which turned to AIDS. TB.

Only a few of the terrible things She endured during Her short life. The worst, I think, was the fact that Her very own mother, the person who should have cared for Her, was the person who introduced Her to this way of life. I'm disgusted to think about it.

TB patients are a lot of work, mostly because they have to be in a respiratory isolation. TB is very contagious, so when caring for a TB patient you must gown up and wear a PAPR or a special mask. This takes a lot of time, and so nursing tasks are done all at once in groups to limit the amount of times a person needs to leave and come back to the room.

For someone who is dying, this is unfortunate, because no one should have to die alone. With 3 or 4 other patients to care for, it is difficult to balance out the time spent with each patient. Tasks that normally take 5 minutes for a "normal" patient take 20 minutes for a TB isolation patient. And you better hope that you don't forget something, (or you'll have to call a coworker to bring supplies to you, which takes more time).

For this little lady, time was precious, more so than I thought.

I cared for Her one night, and we had a moment. She was clear mentally, and was talking with me, which didn't happen often. She had a terrible, productive cough, and I mentioned that it sounded like it hurt to cough. She asked me for an inhaler, "maybe that will help me." But I knew that was not the case. She was someone who valued truth and honesty, because She had experienced very little during Her short life. So, I told Her straight up: "I don't think that would help you hun." Then She said: "I'm dying." And went on to talk about "grandma" and would we call her tomorrow. She asked about "nana" and if "they" would be there and I'm not sure if She was meaning when She passed or literally there in the hospital.

Tears came to my eyes, but I was able to hold them in. She started to fall asleep again, and I told Her that I would stay with Her until She fell asleep, and She did very quickly.

* * *
I reported off that morning thinking that we had a good night. She and I had a good conversation, and connected.

When I got my assignment the next night, I didn't get Her back. I was actually a little upset that I wasn't assigned to Her. I was looking forward to talking with Her again. I wanted to make Her last few days comfortable and full of love. With some hand holding and brushing back Her hair. It was a lot of work, but I had a bond with Her that I wanted to continue. When I went to look to see who She was assigned to (to try to trade) She wasn't on the board. I was shocked. I thought for sure She had a few more days left in her.

Turns out She passed on a little after I left. And while that makes my heart lighten and smile, for She had so much pain, and needed so badly to rest, I was not ready for that to happen. I wanted to share a few more good times with her.

She will always leave a mark on me. The sometimes vulgar, frail girl, who aged way too quickly. A nurse I work with put it very well: her life was very short, but in so many ways She lived a very long, hard life. She partied too hard, too fast. And her mother was right there next to her through all of that. Funny that once Her mother found out that this hospitalization would be Her final resting place, she skipped out of town. She was there to cause her daughter's downward spiral, but not there to catch Her at the bottom. ("skipping out" and getting high are the only ways her mother would know how to cope...)

Before I cared for her, She was able to talk with the adoptive mom of Her only child. The adoptive mom said that Her little girl was healthy, smart, and HIV negative. A beauty. A wonder. A miracle. Her daughter has a chance in life that She never had. Love, support, and guidance. But most of all, a mother who will be there to catch her if she falls.

So, rest in peace my dear, you left your mark on the world.

Please note that facts have been changed to provide confidentiality.

Good days...

Sometimes it takes a good day of work for me to realize some of the hardest things about my job.

I want people to like me. Be that my patients or their families. I want them all to like me.

It is just not realistic for me to think that everyone I come in contact with will like me.

So, when I have a patient and their family who, for whatever reason, do not appreciate my sense of humor, or the way I dress, or my personality, it is difficult to care for them. It can go the other way too. Where I do not appreciate their sense of humor or personality. Though I try very hard to ignore my initial instinct for the sake of our professional relationship.

A very wise nurse said to me today: "We're all human."

And as humans we're not perfect.

But my days are so much better when I get to laugh with and talk with and generally get along with my patients. Today, a very nice lady said: "I'll miss you!"

I replied: "I'll only be gone for 12 hours."

What a sweet heart! :D

If only every shift was this good.

When it rains

it pours.

Yesterday at work, it seemed I could do no right. I felt like I was swimming in a sea of quick sand, the more I did the deeper I sunk down. By the end of my shift, I was suffocating.

"I'll be right back"s turned into 20 minutes. 30 minutes. An hour or more. The instant I stepped away from one patient another needed me, and while this happens often, it was something urgent or necessary. So a simple, I'll be there in a minute just wouldn't work.

From the worst nose bleed I've ever seen, to the inability to pee (and hurting because of a distended bladder). I was torn up.

I almost cried at least twice. And on my drive home as well.

I snapped at one anxious family member as I was getting 15 million requests all at once: "I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I need to focus on one task at a time." I'm honestly surprised I did not get a complaint out of the deal.

For some people you can only do so much before you want to gouge out your eyeballs and stuff them in your ears.

I thought for sure today would be the same. But it went much better. It was smooth, even with another world record bloody nose.

The difference today was the help I had. Instead of fighting the sand alone, I had many people off shore reaching out to pull me up.

It is amazing how one day can be so terrible, and the next everything goes well. I know at least one of you has felt this way recently.

I cannot, unlike some other nurses I work with, leave work without finishing my charting. Today I left on time. Yesterday 2 hours late. 2 hours extra after working a 12 hour shift. I did get my lunch break, because my lunch buddy took my phone and told me to go eat. (at 2pm, which is very late for me.) Today I had to drag myself out of bed, but I knew I had to think positive to get myself through my second, and last shift before 4 days off. (I requested to not have one of my patients from yesterday today, which made a huge difference.)

One of the contributing factors to my terrible day, is an issue that is plaguing our hospital at the moment. Usually, when patients press their "call bell" a light shows up outside their room, as well as on a monitor that looks like a map of the rooms. The monitor sends a message to the corresponding RN's phone to alert him (or her) that his patient is in need of assistance. For example, Room 6 presses their call light, a second later a light shows up on the monitor over the corresponding room, and a message is sent to the nurse that says "Room 6." Well the monitor got a virus, so that now the lights ring to the monitors, but not to the RN's phone. There are very few computers (for charting) near the monitors, so it is difficult to know when a patient is calling. This also makes the patients and families more difficult, because the call lights stay on for a little longer than usual.

All in all, I'm glad to have 4 days off ahead of my, but I do not look forward to working 5 days in a row next week, 3/5 of those days will be 12 hour shifts. If that isn't bad enough, I have only one day off afterwards....

"When are you due?"

The elderly man said to his nurse.

After she wiped the shocked look off of her face, she said "I'm not."

"Oh, so did you just have a baby then?" he calmly replied.

After looking down to examine her abdomen, and finding herself unchanged, she stated "No, I have had no children."

She paused, then continued "I do have a lot of things in my pockets though" and she shook her scrub top pockets around to emphasize her point. She did not think herself ridiculously overweight. Nor did she imagine that she looked even remotely pregnant, except perhaps if she purposefully bulged her belly out.

He responded with "You're just like me, I always have lots of stuff in my pockets."

He said nothing more on that subject, but went on to talk about something completely unrelated without a hint of remorse or embarrassment.

------------

Nothing like a blunt old man to keep you humbled at 1 am. Oh the things I endure on the job....

Every nurse I told that story to agreed with me: I do not look pregnant, nor do I look like I just had a baby...I give him the benefit of the doubt: it was dark, I did have a lot of stuff in my pockets and they were bulging out a bit, and he is 81 years old...

Get back to work...

Cute, confused, elderly patients make my job exciting. Because my patient (yes, singular...) has been confused and getting up and down out of bed, I am the nurse, and nurse assistant and constant observer. (constant observer, or CO basically means you need to stare at the patient and watch their every movement. I'm right at my patient's doorway, listening and watching for any movements.) It's a good thing I took keyboarding in junior high, so that I can type and look at something else at the same time!

Tonight is my first night back. I'm now on nights officially until February 1st. I'm dreading this month of night shifts, only because I get so exhausted and lazy. I sleep the day away and don't go to the gym very often.

I have a new thing I'm trying though. I drew little circles on my calendar on the days when I have no excuse to avoid the gym. This means that if I am only working an 8 hour shift, or not working at all, I really should go to the gym for at least 30 minutes. The days when I work a 12 hour shift, I have an excuse and don't have to go to the gym... ;) So far so good, two circles have been successfully marked off. My trainer gave me a 3 month goal setting sheet, that I'm supposed to fill out, and look at it everyday. He was excited for me when I told him I was engaged, and he said "this 3 month goal sheet will be perfect for you!" It is scary how close June really is....

Mind you, I already have my dress and it fits me now (well except a few alterations, but where it counts, it fits. So I'm not really trying to loose 10 inches...but I would like to feel better about myself in my bathing suit. (and my dress is a corset style so it ties up in the back, meaning that if I did lose a little, all will not be lost!) Mostly my goals are to go to the gym when I don't have a decent excuse not to go. To drink lots of water. And to eat a few more vegetables and fruits on a daily basis. When I come to work I always have (unless I need to grocery shop) a banana and perhaps a citrus fruit or apple. I don't always eat them, but they are there. I don't typically eat veggies except for those in my frozen meal, or in my left overs from the night before. My goal is to buy and eat salad close to daily. If not salad, then something else like carrots etc.

I am going to make a veggie soup, with some meat and barley later this week. (at least I hope to) So stay tuned for the recipe and the review. It might end up being next week depending on whether I am up to cook on my 12 hour nights.

Jamaal was sick on Tuesday, he came home early even! so he had soup on Tuesday night, and yesterday (Wednesday) I asked, do you want tomato soup? and he said no, I can eat real food now. So he might not be up to some homemade soup later tonight. We'll see. It sounds really good to me right now, because I am freezing cold! I have a jacket on, and grabbed a warmed blanket to wrap up in...and still I am getting chills. There is air blowing on me, and that is the problem right now. But it can also be the fact that I'm not used to being awake at this hour!

I really should have taken a nap...I've been awake since 10AM 1/7!!

--------------------------------------

On the wedding front, I realized yesterday that perhaps some stores still had Christmas lights for sale, and perhaps they had white only lights....perfect for decorating our reception site. I asked my mom if she had seen lights at any store lately, and she said she didn't know, but she would check later on.

I got a call later from her, and she said that she didn't find anything at Target, found some lights at Joann's in the wedding aisle (which she noticed were white lights with white wiring) but they were $3.99. She thought about going to Fred Meyer, but changed her mind and went to good ole Walmart instead. There, she said, she found tons of lights. She was piling them in her cart. Then she realized that the wiring was green on the white lights, and asked my dad to help her find lights with white wiring. Which they found. She said she bought close to 25 strings of lights, a couple red ones, and one multicolored, all with white wiring for $0.60 a piece!! :D What a great deal!!

Officiant, Caterer, Photographer, Videographer?, Tuxes (I do have a plan, but haven't picked them out), Flowers, Decoration rentals, Sound equipment (a friend of Jamaal's dad will be our DJ), Invitations, Honeymoon accommodations, Dress, Venue, Wedding party, DJ, wedding cake, White lights for decorating the venue,

The Expo...

So previously I said that I was planning on going to the wedding expo today...but well I better start from the beginning I guess...
. . .

Well on New Year's eve, I worked for the first time in 7 days! It was different because our unit got moved temporarily to 7SE to try and save money. (Surgeons don't much like scheduling knee and hip replacements over Christmas and the holidays, and most people don't want to have their surgery done either. So, our unit sometimes has to close down. This year we combined with 7SE who also sometimes empties out.

So while I had my ortho patients, it felt like a float (for you non-nursing peeps, floating is when a unit has too many nurses, and floats a nurse to a unit that is short staffed. It is different to float, because 1. you don't know where things are, so it takes you longer to find materials. 2. you aren't used to that type of patient so it takes longer to assess them and 3. you aren't familiar with the staff or the way things are run. )

The staff on 7SE are nice, but I think they feel like we (the staff from 6SE) are intruding on their turf. But anyway it is hard on us all...

While I was at work they asked me if I wanted New Year's Day off ahead of time, and I agreed. Fortunately Jamaal had the day off too, so we spent it together, and did a few errands in F-dub.

Friday, I worked a 12 hour shift, and floated, this time for real, to 4SE, which I have been to before. The patients I was assigned were quiet and simple, and while the nurse assistants weren't as helpful as I hoped they would be, it wasn't that bad.

After I gave report, I didn't get back to the floor until 3:45, so I was a tad late. I was assigned a patient who had just arrived at 1500 (and therefore had nothing done) she had critical lab values, and her doctors hadn't written orders yet. It was irritating, stressful and sucked all my time. The HAs (from 7SE) kept calling me and telling me my other patients were calling and weren't very helpful about the fact that I was busy with other things.

It was a day that I almost cried during. If it were a year ago, or perhaps less only 7-8 months ago, I probably would have cried. But I sucked it up and bared it. 4 hours flew by and I stayed 1.5 hours after to chart.

I was exhausted. The night before I only got about 5 hours of sleep, and by the time I settled down for bed, I again was only going to get another 5 hours of sleep.

On Saturday, the day after my 4 hours of "hell," I was called again by work, but this time I was nearly there, but since I was so exhausted from the night before, I decided to go back home and rest.

Now I am back where I started...
Since I had Saturday off, I decided to ask my mom if she wanted to go to the wedding expo instead of waiting until Sunday. She agreed, and we got there around 1230.

The first thing we did, was look at wedding gowns. They were on sale, and I tried on a total of 3 and settled with the 3rd. It fit me perfectly and made my curves look so natural, and my waist appear narrow. I was happy with it immediately and my mom said "oh Aubri, that is beautiful"

For $500...it was more than I expected to have.

It was a fun day, we had plenty of opportunity to taste cake samples. I got a total of 10 pens, some candy, and many many pamphlets of wedding vendors. I am most freaked out about the flowers now, because they are so freaking expensive, and I honestly don't really care about them...we plan to check out Safeway and Costco...because they both do flowers. I plan on making my own invitations, and so got a few ideas from people, but mostly have an idea in my head about what I'm going to do. I entered my name in a million drawings, and I hope to win something. But I doubt I will...

Things are slowly getting checked off of the list....

Dress, Venue, Wedding party, officiant, caterer, photographer, videographer?, DJ, wedding cake, Tuxes (I do have a plan, but haven't picked them out), Flowers, decoration rentals, sound equipment (a friend of Jamaal's dad will be our DJ), invitations

I'll have to add to this list as I remember things I need to do....I apologize in advance because you'll see a lot of this list...

I'm dreaming of a rainy christmas...

Much like the ones I used to know.

I am getting tired of the snow. It is currently snowing outside...adding to the foot of snow we already had. My mom says it is raining in federal way, so I'm hoping the rain comes soon. But I'm doubtful.

So on monday morning I went to work 3 hours late, the reason was that the snow was so deep I couldnt get out of my neighborhood. I have hills all over the place and they do not plow them either. So I needed to wait until other people had driven before attempting to go to work. I-5 was clear once I got there, but when I got to montlake, right by the hospital it was a mess again. I felt out of control a lot when driving from the exit to the parking lot I am supposed to park in. The bad news is that when I went into my parking lot, there was even more snow than on the road. And since there was so much snow, the cars were parking crooked so that it was difficult to get through them to park. So I went to a parking long that I'm technically not supposed to park in, and when I tried to maneuver the car, the front tires (front-wheel drive van) started spinning. I was stuck, and in the wrong parking lot. So I called security and they tell me I could have parked in a parking garage! Annoying....

Anyway, because of how messy it was getting in, I decided I didnt want to go home after 12 hours of work, and just wanted to sleep at the hospital. They set some people up in the Inn (a hotel) but they had to share a room. I was set up in the Crow's nest, which is where the residents go to sleep when they are on call, or just need a nap. It is like a very stingy dorm. The rooms are big enough to fit a small twin bed with about 3 feet around 2 sides of the bed. It smelt old up there. I was pretty cold, there was a baseboard heater, that was turned all the way up, but it didn't do much, and I had 3 hospital blankets (which are very light anyway) and my sweatshirt on with hood up. I got comfy enough to sleep.

It was not that bad. It sucked to stay at the hospital and then have to wear hospital issue blue scrubs all day (I like my colors) and feel disgusting from not showering, but it was better than facing the roads again.

On tuesday, I was given time off for my last 4 hours, but my charge made me stay for 1.5 hours to make sure things were settled (it was stupid, but whatever). And remember folks that my van was stuck in the parking lot on monday when I got there.

I remembered how much snow there was, and I brought a fractionated bed pan (visit the link for a picture and a little information about them; we use them for hip patients who aren't supposed to bend at the hip very far. and some others who can't handle the height of standard issue bed pan.) to help dig myself out. It worked well as a shovel, but it didnt matter how much I dug, (i could see the pavement) my tires would continue to spin. They were on patches of snow that had been compacted into ice...

When I realized I needed more help, I called the University Police, and an operator there told me they might be able to help, they would send someone with sand to help give me traction. About an hour later someone came. He put sand on my front tires, and still they continued to spin, so while I was pushing the gas a touch, (in reverse) he pushed from the front to help get me off that patch. It worked and away I went!

It was a very stressful event. All I wanted was to go home! I now have 7 days off and will be able to do some much needed relaxing! :D

I never get sick

Never! But for some reason this week I decided to catch a cold...On Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I was fine all day at work until 5pm exactly, when, I started sneezing like crazy. (Now I do sneeze crazily all the time, I sound like a poodle, or a small dog barking.) But this was different. I could not stop, and when I did I only had like a 5 minute break in between bunches of sneezes. My throat felt itchy, and my nose was running. I thought that it was an allergic reaction, but on thanksgiving morning I felt just as bad. I thought that I should call in sick, but I thought that if I did the unit would be short staffed, and it is hard to get people to come in on a holiday. So I was going to truck on through. Sick or not. At 0620, as I was saying to myself "Aubri, you need to get going." My cell phone rang. I've said this before but when my phone rings that early, I know it is work calling to say stay home! I was so thankful! I was not fit to be working, because not only was I sick, but I was also sore from working out. And when you have a cold, aches and pains seem so much worse.

I was also thankful, because this meant that I would be able to see Jamaal's family as well for Thanksgiving. Since I was going to be working we decided that he would meet me at my parent's house after he had already been to his grandma's house in Tacoma. I was not looking forward to driving all by myself from work, to my house to change, and then on to my parents house, and then driving home again.

As it was, I was able to go with Jamaal and his brother to my parent's house first to drop off the girls (I did not want the girls to be left alone all day on Thanksgiving!) then, we went to Jamaal's parent's house to drop off his brother's luggage (Jamaal picked him up from the airport at midnight the night before) and meet up with their parents. And off we went to grandma's house. Jamaal's mom has 8 brothers and sisters, and most of them were there at one point in time, I think one brother did not come. You can imagine that he has a ton of family, many many cousins, and I still have a hard time keeping them straight. (even after 3 years!) I know the ones I see the most. Anyway it was a good time. Jamaal's dad made the turkeys and they were fabulous! So juicy and he seasoned it well.

Off we went to my parents house after a few hours at grandma's. My mom was mad at me for not calling her when I found out I wasn't working. (It was 0620 and I thought that I didn't want to wake them up) Besides I sent an email to my dad telling him the story because he usually gets up at like 0600 even on days when he does not work. Well she did not get the memo...and she was upset with me...even though I told her that even though I was not working I would probably get to her house around the same time as if I had worked since we went to Grandma's...

Anyway she got over it quickly, and we had a good meal there with my parents and my aunt. (I say "we" but I was the only one who ate. I just had turkey and a roll at Grandma's house, because I told my parents I would eat with them. Jamaal ate at Grandma's.)

By the time I got to my parent's house, I was really beginning to notice my cold. And my arms and shoulders were so sore I was beginning to be miserable!

I will show some pictures later, but all in all, it was a good night. I had the worst time trying to fall asleep, but the benedryl I took helped a lot. The rest of the story will come, I just keep walking away from this post, and now it is time for bed...

On my way to being Chemo certified!

Well today was the last day of a 2 day course on chemotherapy. The course was rough: we trucked through a 1 inch thick (at least) book in less than 12 hours. And then, to make matters more stressful, in order to become certified, you must take a test at the end of the second day.

Fortunately it was open book, but if you don't know the book very well, it would be difficult to find the answers in 90 minutes. 50 questions total, and you can only miss 10!

I was nervous in anticipation, but I had faith that I would pass it.

Oddly enough I was reminded of college. And how much stress it was to prepare for tests. How I often felt nervous before the test, only to have relief directly after the test. Most of the time I did well. Better than I felt I would do before the test.

And today was no different. Last night I went over all my notes in my book, and reorganized. They gave post-its that were the small ones, but bigger than a simple skinny tab. And it was a mess. I couldnt read anything because they overlapped. So I used my skinny tabs, made sure they didn't overlap, and went crazy. Mostly I did it so I would know the book, and would know where to find things.

It paid off. I missed 2 questions. One of which was obvious afterwards, it was one of the first questions and had I gone over it before turning it in, I would have caught it. But since i looked up pretty much every answer, I didn't want to go over the questions again.

What a sigh of relief!

Now, all I have left is a "skills day" on december 5th where we will go over the how-to's and have a more hands on day for chemo administration.

That means I have a good two weeks before I actually start giving chemotherapy on the floor. Which gives me time to absorb and review the information and get used to the idea of administering toxins to people...

TMI post follows...

So you will probably think this is TMI, but don't say I didn't warn you...



Yesterday at work, I was having bladder spasms. Not too often. Just once in a while it would happen more often if I leaned forward while in a sitting position. The spasms were terrible though, the pain would shoot up from my bladder up through my sternum (the middle cartilage/bone in your chest...). From that I knew I had a bladder infection.

The weird thing is that that was the only symptom I had. (Except for a dull pain in my bladder while driving home from work) Normally there is pain or burning with urination, feeling like you have to pee all the time,

I knew I had to do something. So I called my doctor, who is located in Federal Way, during my commute home after work. It was 4pm when I called them. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to Federal Way thursday or friday, so I opted for an appointment on saturday of this week. When I was talking with the receptionist, however she mentioned that they accept walk-ins for things like bladder infections, but they only accept walk-ins until 4:30pm. I settled for an appointment at 9am on saturday.

The more I drove, the more my bladder hurt. The more I thought "what if I wait until saturday and the infection moves to my kidneys? what if I need to be admitted to the hospital? what if I have to have fluids and IV antibiotics, and I have to call Jamaal to bring in stamping supplies to me so I'm not bored...what if..." You see my point? Mostly only a nurse would think like that...or someone who is familiar with the way these things go...

So I decide that I am going to try to make it to federal way from seattle by 4:30. Traffic was on my side. It was at least moving. (unlike today, which is a completely different story!) But by the time I hit the 320th exit, it was nearly 4:30. My exit was the next one after that. And it would probably take 5-8 minutes for me to get to my clinic. So I decide, I'll call the clinic and ask if I could get squeezed in. The receptionist checked with the "nurse" (I say it in quotes because they call medical assistants nurses...which appalls me, only because I have worked hard for my title...) and it was okay for me to squeeze in just after 4:30. (it was 4:33 when I arrived at the clinic.)

Peed in a cup, and sure enough it was positive. So the MA, asked if I wanted to fill my Rx here or at my pharmacy. I asked if there was a difference, and since there wasn't much of one, opted to take my Rx from the clinic.

She left me in a room, and I thought..."crap, I hope they don't only have Penicillin drugs or sulfa drugs" and she came back only to say, "what we have here, you are allergic to."

I guess I could have predicted that!

So now I am on an antibiotic for 7 days? or perhaps 14 days...BID.

Yesterday I felt terrible. I was fatigued, so much so that I wanted to go to bed at 8pm. But I stayed awake 1 hour longer to get something done. My bladder was sore, and I had a few more spasms. But I was definately not up to snuff. Today I feel better, the pain isn't as bad, but I still notice it. Fortunately I had my chemo class today, which made me drink plenty of water, and go to the bathroom often!

I hope my symptoms are gone tomorrow! That would just be wonderful...although now I am feeling slightly nauseated from the antibiotics...you just can't win I guess!

How I got my bladder infection: At work, I "forget" to pee. I get busy with patients' tasks, and multiple requests, that I forget about my own needs. So I end up going from 7am to 1 or 2 pm without peeing. So that means the urine sat in my bladder, and some sort of bacteria snuck it's way up my urethra, and grew a huge family of bacteria.

This is why it is important to pee often Ladies!! :D