Weigh in

As I stated yesterday, I went to Weight Watchers today and signed up. Riley, my mom and I listened to the meeting and had a good time. Four years ago (when I got out of college) I started up with weight watchers with my mom. I didn't pay or go to meetings, just counted points etc with my mom. It was a way for me to help motivate her, and I also was trying to lose weight for my friend Jessie's wedding. :D I lost quite a bit of weight and was down to about 120. But I was sort of scaring myself. I wasn't eating appropriately. I wasn't starving myself exactly, but I was so focused on dessert that I would save up all of my points just so I could have a big dessert or snack. Ultimately I was not getting the appropriate nutrients in, and I got worried that I would begin to starve myself further if I stuck with it. So I stopped. Around this time I was stressed out at work, and eventually moved in with Jamaal, which made dieting even more difficult. 


I tend to get a bit competitive and strict about diets, and already I can't read enough. I'm planning what I will be eating tomorrow, down to each little snack and detail. They have an app for my phone (and an online program) that you can track your food on. So I can easily remove foods I don't eat, and add those that I spontaneously decide on eating. I think that a little planning will help me to control my portions and my snacking. 


I know a lot of my problems come on those days when I don't plan ahead. We end up eating something quick from the freezer (usually fried up crispy) or something from a drive thru. I'm embarrassed to admit that I would often rather eat fast-food than I would cook something homemade (and healthier), especially after working 12-hours. It is just so difficult to get away from my nursing baby, that even on days when I don't work, it is a challenge to get in the kitchen and cook. 


This is my vow to decrease my fast food consumption to less than once per week. I am pretty sure (though I haven't been keeping track) that we have had fast food once a week pretty regularly since Riley was born. And there were a couple times when we had it more than once in a week. (But there also were definitely weeks when we did not have any.) I know it isn't good for me, but it just tastes so good! I know my husband and myself well enough to know that cutting it out completely (at least right now) will not happen. But when we do decide to eat there, I will make better choices.


I made a goal today to lose 6 pounds over the next 8 weeks. :D I think I can, I think I can...

Unmotivated update

I've been having a difficult time finding motivation. I'm blaming it on night shift. It seems no matter how much I sleep, I still feel exhausted. I feel like there is a constant fog in my brain, and usually my solution is sleep or brainless Internet surfing.

Yesterday, I came home after working a 12-hour night shift, watched about 30 minutes of The Hangover, and went to bed. I meant to sleep until noon, since I was off last night, but ended up waking at 4pm. (I got about 6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep) Then at midnight I went to bed and slept until 8:30 this morning. And yet I couldn't pull myself off of the couch or computer. Last week I was doing pretty good. I limited my time on the computer, I got up and started doing things before 10am, but I was motivated. I had a housewarming/birthday party to prepare for. I need to get some more unpacking done, and yet I always find myself saying "I'll do it tomorrow I have a couple more nights off." And then, when it has been a day I start to say "I have to go back to work soon, so I should just relax." It's pathetic really...

I was finally able to get out of the house at 3pm. And now I need to go make dinner for the hubby, as I have water aerobics tonight....so much for this post.

Tonight it is "French Onion Burgers" from The Campbell's Kitchen. I saw it on a commercial, and thought it looked good. We'll see...

Awake

Night shift ruins my sleep cycle. I slept in yesterday until 1pm. Not really on purpose, I was only awake until 3:30 am. That is 9.5 hours of sleep. So last night I felt tired around 11pm, went to bed, slept for a bit, and now I'm here at 1am wide awake. I'm sure I could fall asleep if I tried a little harder, but as I was laying there my mind kept racing. I have a lot of things I want to do today. I want to get up at 9am, get dressed, eat some yogurt and by 10 meet up with my buddy Kayleen. Then after that I want to go shopping, first for some home supplies, and second for some groceries. I've been scanning cook books for some good recipes to try, and have some good ones picked out ready to be made. But I'm still not quite done with my meal planning for the week. So I still need to finalize my grocery list.

I also have been thinking about this:
Jamaal and I like coffee, but we never finish an entire pot of coffee between the two of us. We have some gift cards still to Target and to Macy's and so I've been contemplating whether or not we have enough to justify the purchase since it is pretty expensive.

I honestly believe we would drink more coffee if we had the ability to make just one cup. Not like we necessarily need it.

Most of the reviews are wonderful. There is an extra thing you can buy so that instead of using the pre-filled pods, you can put your own coffee or tea in it and it brews it for you.

The more I read about it, the more I want one....

In other news...

I went to my first water aerobics class last night. It was fun, and HARD WORK. My face was burning up midway through. The instructor was on my case a lot, correcting my movements. She made me go hard. But I liked that. I'm going again tonight.

What stinks about water aerobics is that I can't really eat right before, and it is at 7pm. Jamaal usually gets home at 6pm, and even that is a little close for me to be eating a dinner type meal. What I can do, is make food for him, and eat when I get home. I just have to plan it that way so it's ready when he gets home.

Another thing I'm loving is that the King County Library System has Ebooks. All you need to do is download Adobe Digital Editions, and the books are there for you to read. They do expire, you only get to check them out for 21 days, but I think it is amazing that you can check out books and read them, from home. Without ever going to the library. This might be a useful thing for someone with children, or for someone who has limited access to vehicles. Of course, not all books are available as an Ebook, but as it becomes more popular I'm sure there will be more offered.

My mom isn't a fan. She says: "but I like having a book in front of me, I don't want to have to look at a computer screen to read." And I definitely see her point. But it doesn't bother me.

I have checked out the following books:
-PS, I Love You By Cecelia Ahern.

This is a fiction book that was recently made into a movie. I haven't seen the movie, and don't really even know what the book is about. I just figured the movie was good (or so I hear) so the book is probably better.

-All you Need is Love, and Other Lies about Marriage By John W. Jacobs.

This is a non-fiction from a marriage counselor. I was curious about it since the title was so interesting. I thought it might be a good book to read to help prevent problems with my marriage. We'll see how it goes. I read a few pages and so far it is relatively easy to read.

And finally
-The New Moms Survival Guide: How to Reclaim your Body, Your Health, Your Sanity, and Your Sex Life After Having a Baby By Jennifer Wider, MD.

This book I realize is not necessarily for me at this moment, but it is nice to know before pregnancy, what happens afterwards. Also, hopefully I can avoid certain things like varicose veins, by wearing compression stockings while pregnant for example. (I guess I better not have a September baby, shorts and compression stockings would not be very attractive. :D) It has been an easy read thus far. I've read the most on this one.

Hopefully I can finish all three of the books before my 21-days is up! ;)

Well, now I better read a bit, and hope that I can fall asleep when I get back into bed!!

Tonight my mom and I will be going to the Fife pool to do some water aerobics. My mom and sister-in-law have done a couple weeks-long sessions already and really like it. They both have felt results from it, and I'm hoping for the same. If I like it I'll continue to go twice a week, either on Tuesdays and Thursdays or Mondays and Wednesdays. (And if I need to I'm allowed to mix-and-match if my work schedule doesn't allow me to go on Tuesday or Thursday.) The class is from 1900-2000, so as long as I'm working an 8-hour shift, I'll be able to make it (I start work at 2300 for an 8-hour night shift). The same is true for when I'm on day shift, I'll be able to make it if I work only 8 hours that day, since I get off work at 1930 for a 12-hour shift.

I'm trying to make better choices when it comes to food, but I find myself feeling hungrier than normal now. I'm thinking it has something to do with being more active, which has increased my metabolism a bit, so now I'm burning the food I eat a little faster. Plus, eating less can do that to a person. :) I got salmon for a late lunch at the Olive Garden the other night and I was starving about 2 hours later. I only ate half of it for "lunch" and then about 3 hours later I made some brown rice and had the rest. Later that night (I worked an 8-hour shift) I had an apple when I felt hungry and it filled me up. To be honest, I'm not good about reaching for a fruit or vegetable for a snack. Cookies or chips sound so much more appealing to me. But I felt so much better after eating an apple.

Last night at work my snacks included an avocado and an apple. I was only at work for 4-hours, because we had very few patients and a lot of nurses. So I ate the apple just before leaving to go home, because I didn't want to feel hungry and think about going to some drive-thru for a snack. Instead I air popped some popcorn and drizzled it with melted butter.

I will not starve myself or deprive myself of things I enjoy. A few summers ago I got really into losing weight, and I was so strict on myself that I would feel deprived. I was doing Weight Watchers (without the meetings) and would save up points so that I could have things I wanted like ice cream or popcorn or whatever. To the point where if you looked at what I was eating during the day, I had very little nutrition so that I could have a treat or two at the end of the night. I felt myself starting to develop an eating disorder, and that scared me to death so I stopped watching what I was eating. I never puked, tried to make myself puke, nor thought about making myself puke, but I was binge eating. Not to an extreme, I did not eat my weight in chips. But I felt that if I continued on that path, I might have gone there.

I moved in with Jamaal a little bit after my realization, and he has not really helped me with my eating. He has no problems with eating fast food on a daily basis. He could eat pizza daily. And unfortunately these things are easier than cooking. They make less dishes, and so are more appealing to me. Plus they taste good. We haven't ordered pizza in a while now, I think he might have gotten tired of it finally. I've been tired of it for a long time now, but would go along with it because I either had nothing else available to make, or didn't have a lot of energy to make what I had planned to make.

I'm on a mission to make better choices for us. I'm not going to cut out fast food entirely. It's okay once every couple weeks. But I'm going to make an attempt at cooking more wholesome meals for us. I've gotten into a rut of relying on bagged frozen meals, as they are easy and quick. Some of them aren't awful nutrition wise, but I feel the quality isn't as good.

And so I conclude this post...it kind of took a turn that I wasn't really planning on doing...