Inspired

Last night I finished reading The Help. It left me feeling so jittery, and inspired, and thankful, all at the same time. It was 11 pm and I was tired, so I went to bed, and proceeded to lay there with my mind going 100 mph. Jamaal's breathing slowed and became rhythmic after only 20 minutes or so, and I was left alone with my thoughts. He rarely falls asleep before I do, and I am not a fan.

At just before 1 am I finally drifted off, but it was short lived. Riley woke up at 1:15, and since I was basically still awake, I got up to nurse him back to sleep. He didn't seem as though he was going to let up and fall asleep anyway. It didn't take long to get him back to sleep, but those thoughts were back to torment me again. After getting up to wash my face, and a few rounds of angry birds I finally felt my eyes become heavy and off to sleep I went.

For some reason Riley woke up again at 4:30, I'm hopeful that he is going through a growth spurt, my little man needs to get bigger. By 5 I was back in bed, and quickly asleep. I should be thankful, that for the past month, I have been getting regular sleep of 4-8 hour stretches. I can't even remember the days when he would sleep for 1-3 hours at a time. Last night I was reminded what it used to be like, but not nearly as bad as it was back then. If I could have shut off my mind, I would have gotten a lot more sleep.

It seems strange to me, but after reading the book, I became inspired to write one of my own. I know myself well enough to know that I will not follow through on this. After starting as a nurse 4 years ago, I had a brilliant idea to start a book on being a nurse. I wanted to encourage new nurses that it gets better. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel. After 9 months of working, I finally felt some confidence. I finally would make it through a week without crying while at work. I finally was able to enjoy my coworkers, my patients, their families and my personality was finally coming through. Prior to that I was so focused on my tasks that I had no energy left to enjoy it.

I wrote little snippets here and there when the ideas struck me. But my inspiration quickly dissipated and I stopped. I don't even know if I have my notes anymore.

Last night the inspiration returned. This time though, I wanted to share stories of the people I have encountered at work. I have met some wonderful people. They are the ones that make me feel honored to be a nurse. When working with them, I don't feel the burden of my job, but I feel blessed to have been a part of their life, and them a part of mine.

But I've also worked with some extremely difficult patients and their families. And of course it is these situations that float up to the top. They are the ones that leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. And I wonder if they were to read about how rude, inconsiderate, and selfish they have been, would they make a change? Would it help others if they knew just what exactly it is like to be the nurse caring for difficult patients? Maybe, "please" and "thank you" would come out just a little bit more.

I literally stood outside the door of one particularly difficult patient's room and thought to myself: "It is not worth losing your job over." I wanted so badly to yell back at her, and tell her how rude she was being to everyone that had worked with her. But I knew that just would not be appropriate. Instead, I asked to get a different patient at 3pm, and passed her off to a different nurse. 8 hours of working with her was just too much time for me.

I think I will start trying to jot down notes as they come to me. But I doubt I will ever end up with a published book. There are so many logistics related to patient privacy and confidentiality, that I don't  know if I would be allowed to publish it anyway.

If you haven't read The Help yet, I suggest you do it. It was a very easy read, and if I did not have housework, work and a baby to look after, I would have finished reading it the day I bought it. I would have stayed up through the night reading if I could. I plan on writing a bit more on the book itself someday, but for now I must attend to a screaming, tired babe.

Awake

Night shift ruins my sleep cycle. I slept in yesterday until 1pm. Not really on purpose, I was only awake until 3:30 am. That is 9.5 hours of sleep. So last night I felt tired around 11pm, went to bed, slept for a bit, and now I'm here at 1am wide awake. I'm sure I could fall asleep if I tried a little harder, but as I was laying there my mind kept racing. I have a lot of things I want to do today. I want to get up at 9am, get dressed, eat some yogurt and by 10 meet up with my buddy Kayleen. Then after that I want to go shopping, first for some home supplies, and second for some groceries. I've been scanning cook books for some good recipes to try, and have some good ones picked out ready to be made. But I'm still not quite done with my meal planning for the week. So I still need to finalize my grocery list.

I also have been thinking about this:
Jamaal and I like coffee, but we never finish an entire pot of coffee between the two of us. We have some gift cards still to Target and to Macy's and so I've been contemplating whether or not we have enough to justify the purchase since it is pretty expensive.

I honestly believe we would drink more coffee if we had the ability to make just one cup. Not like we necessarily need it.

Most of the reviews are wonderful. There is an extra thing you can buy so that instead of using the pre-filled pods, you can put your own coffee or tea in it and it brews it for you.

The more I read about it, the more I want one....

In other news...

I went to my first water aerobics class last night. It was fun, and HARD WORK. My face was burning up midway through. The instructor was on my case a lot, correcting my movements. She made me go hard. But I liked that. I'm going again tonight.

What stinks about water aerobics is that I can't really eat right before, and it is at 7pm. Jamaal usually gets home at 6pm, and even that is a little close for me to be eating a dinner type meal. What I can do, is make food for him, and eat when I get home. I just have to plan it that way so it's ready when he gets home.

Another thing I'm loving is that the King County Library System has Ebooks. All you need to do is download Adobe Digital Editions, and the books are there for you to read. They do expire, you only get to check them out for 21 days, but I think it is amazing that you can check out books and read them, from home. Without ever going to the library. This might be a useful thing for someone with children, or for someone who has limited access to vehicles. Of course, not all books are available as an Ebook, but as it becomes more popular I'm sure there will be more offered.

My mom isn't a fan. She says: "but I like having a book in front of me, I don't want to have to look at a computer screen to read." And I definitely see her point. But it doesn't bother me.

I have checked out the following books:
-PS, I Love You By Cecelia Ahern.

This is a fiction book that was recently made into a movie. I haven't seen the movie, and don't really even know what the book is about. I just figured the movie was good (or so I hear) so the book is probably better.

-All you Need is Love, and Other Lies about Marriage By John W. Jacobs.

This is a non-fiction from a marriage counselor. I was curious about it since the title was so interesting. I thought it might be a good book to read to help prevent problems with my marriage. We'll see how it goes. I read a few pages and so far it is relatively easy to read.

And finally
-The New Moms Survival Guide: How to Reclaim your Body, Your Health, Your Sanity, and Your Sex Life After Having a Baby By Jennifer Wider, MD.

This book I realize is not necessarily for me at this moment, but it is nice to know before pregnancy, what happens afterwards. Also, hopefully I can avoid certain things like varicose veins, by wearing compression stockings while pregnant for example. (I guess I better not have a September baby, shorts and compression stockings would not be very attractive. :D) It has been an easy read thus far. I've read the most on this one.

Hopefully I can finish all three of the books before my 21-days is up! ;)

Well, now I better read a bit, and hope that I can fall asleep when I get back into bed!!