Pregnancy dreams...yet again

I had a dream last night that I was 3 months pregnant, and had a pretty big bump. I was extremely disappointed because I couldn't feel the baby. I just felt fat. My baby bump wasn't firm either it was saggy so I could like lift it up and move it around. It was upsetting because of all the things I look forward to, feeling another life growing inside me is number 1.

Side note:
My quick research tells me that most women don't start to feel the baby move until 4 months at the earliest (16 weeks). So I guess my dream had some truth to it. I read Kay's old blog entries of her first pregnancy experience and even though she didn't feel the baby move she was still thinking about the baby. She started to notice a small bump at roughly 10 or 12 weeks (but most people wouldn't be able to tell with her fully dressed).

Back to the dream:
My dream fast forwarded to later in the pregnancy (though my belly did not change it was still floppy). And I was having super mild contractions, nothing worse than a mild cramp, and I freaked out. Turned to Jamaal and said "I want the drugs." My doctor (or midwife) asked what I wanted, an epidural or IV meds. I really didn't want an epidural (because there is a risk of permanent damage) and I was concerned about becoming paraplegic. But I was also concerned about the baby and asked which would make him the least stoned. And yes I said him. And the baby was due in November/December.

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I woke up thinking about my dream and the fact that it was something that could happen. (Well I'm going to assume that my baby bump does not flap in the wind...) But well, Jamaal and I haven't exactly been too careful yet. Sometimes he will reach for a condom, but sometimes not. I don't like the smell of them at all, so I can't stand to touch them. And I don't really have that will power to say no. Plus, I haven't ovulated yet. I'm on day 26 of my first independent cycle, and my ovulation test strips have been negative thus far. (And I've had pretty much no cervical mucous all month. Which is weird because I had some while on the pill, and now nothing...) For those of you who are curious, I'm not using the basal body temperature method since I'm working night shift and my sleep cycles are so irregular. (And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about these are the methods that help to determine when a woman ovulates, or are fertile, and are the basis for methods associated with natural family planning. I am using the methods to determine my ovulation, but will rely on condoms to prevent pregnancy, and to help me to focus on my bodies signs of fertility. Cervical mucous is difficult to see, for women new to looking at it, if there is also semen in the mix.)

So what I'm getting at is it is highly unlikely that I will conceive at this time, but as I recently read in How to Choose the Sex of your Baby, some women have a very short LH surge, and most women's LH surge happens later in the day (and I was previously testing in the morning when I first woke up, or right after work). So it is possible that I missed my LH surge this month. Though I doubt it.

I would prefer not to conceive before April 23rd. (my due date would be January 14th 2011). As, like I've said before, I don't want Thanksgiving or Christmas overshadowing the babe's day of birth. But of course I'll take anything I get. ;)

I should also mention that Jamaal was very supportive of me, and when I asked for the drugs, he was right there agreeing with me. (I think that was more for his benefit, and he didn't want to deal with me in a ton of pain.) But I remember thinking that he was being very sweet, and very proud to be having a baby with me. Which, of all the important things, shares the number 1 spot with being able to feel a life growing inside me. :D

Off the pill

I asked my husband today if it would be okay if I stopped taking birth control. (Yes, I asked him via text message.) Kayleen found that pretty funny, I don't always use text messages as my communication with him. This felt appropriate, because he was at work, and I didn't want him to have to answer me out loud. His response:

"Only if you stop being mean once a month."

From the mouth of babes...

Haha. He has a point though. I realize that I get a little bit of an attitude problem when Auntie Flo comes to visit. I blame the birth control. We'll see who truly is to blame...

I don't really want to get pregnant right away. I'm going to monitor my ovulation (or not) via these test strips:

I don't recall that I've shared on here that way back when I had a problem with my lady parts. I would go without a period for 3 months or more. It was lovely most of the time, but once I became sexually active, it became way too scary. It also was not very convenient to have Aunt Flo visit without calling first. She could literally drop by at anytime, and I might not be prepared for her.

My MD recommended birth control (prior to being sexually active) to help regulate my cycle. But he told me at that time (we had some blood work done) that I might have to have a little help to become pregnant when I was ready. This has been plaguing me ever since. So now, we will see from here where this goes. Perhaps I've been regulated enough for my body to kick in and work on its own. But perhaps not. It will be difficult, but I won't be going in to the MD for help for a year. I'm going to try it on my own first. I'll let you know how it goes. :D

At this point, however, I'm not actively trying to get pregnant. But if I do, I will not be upset either. I really don't want to have a child around Thanksgiving or Christmas, as I feel like their birthday will be overshadowed by other events and make the child feel less special. A baby in February through September or October is okay though. (Late January on the 29th would be fine too, as that is Jamaal's birthday.) So that means May or later for conception.

I'm going to track my cycle for a while, and read this book:

Don't judge me, but I want a daughter. I don't want to have 3 children, so I'm going to try and follow this book, and also the Ancient Chinese Gender Chart to attempt getting a girl. That means conception in May, July or September this year. If it fails, we have another shot to try for a girl, and if that fails we'll adopt one.

I'm prepared to be disappointed, but I know that I will cry if my first child is a boy. (And since I have these feelings I'm sure that I will have a boy out of spite!) I'll love him too I swear!!

Just an FYI, I probably won't be announcing that I'm pregnant until I'm well into the 2nd trimester, unless I'm sooo nauseated I can't help but share. We'll see what happens, but don't be surprised if I'm secretive about things, as I'm nervous to be able to conceive at all.