Wedding Bells are ringing....still

Less that two weeks!! Oh my goodness!

I've done quite a bit, but still have a lot to do:

• finish up wedding favors (which I want so badly to share with everyone!! but I don't want to ruin the surprise!)
• make the centerpieces (depending on how much time I have depends on what centerpiece we end up with. Either way I'm making them...so be prepared!! they should come out looking fab!)
• buy gifts for those involved in the wedding
• I'm sure there is something else....?
• Still need to schedule a hair appointment, and figure out what I'm going to do for makeup...

A couple things we still have to do, but can't until later include making the bouquets, and buying ice.

I have the wine, champagne, soda, and ingredients for punch ordered to be delivered next week to my parent's house. I'm just hoping that Safeway is able to deliver the amount of stuff I requested. (40-2liter bottles of dr. skipper is probably not something they just have in stock...) I'm hoping that since they have a week to fill the order that they will have enough to deliver. Otherwise, anytime after 10-12 next wednesday, I'll be driving all over the countryside trying to to find additional beverages!

A good friend of mine is getting married this Saturday in Spokane, so I'll be gone Thursday thru Sunday! That means I won't really be getting much done while I'm gone. But since I'm riding with a friend of mine, I can bring some stuff if I have to, to work on in the car, and or, during down time! :D I'm starting to get teary just walking in the mall now...

RIP

R.I.P reminds me of a spooky cemetery scene in a child's Halloween cartoon. For me it really lacks a certain respect for the departed. Spelt out, it means so much more.

* * *

One of the most difficult patients I've ever had on my orthopedic floor (6SE) was one I'd never guess I would find here. For the most part, our patient population on 6SE is littered with knee, hip, shoulder and spine patients; sarcoma and chemo patients fill most of the gaps. But when we have empty beds, we fill them with pretty much anything.

We happened to have an empty bed when She was admitted. And that is how She ended up on my floor.

For someone so young, She saw more pain and hardships than anyone should ever face. Unfortunately, She saw too much to recover from.

Once I got over Her emaciated appearance, which I guess I never really truly "got over," I noticed Her rough hands. On Her body, Her hands were huge, they looked like jumbo marshmallows on toothpick arms. Her hands were callused and looked so much like ones I've seen before on a few of the homeless patients that I've cared for. They gave away Her difficult past. She must have spend at least some time outside in the cold.

Drug abuse. Prostitution. Rape. HIV, which turned to AIDS. TB.

Only a few of the terrible things She endured during Her short life. The worst, I think, was the fact that Her very own mother, the person who should have cared for Her, was the person who introduced Her to this way of life. I'm disgusted to think about it.

TB patients are a lot of work, mostly because they have to be in a respiratory isolation. TB is very contagious, so when caring for a TB patient you must gown up and wear a PAPR or a special mask. This takes a lot of time, and so nursing tasks are done all at once in groups to limit the amount of times a person needs to leave and come back to the room.

For someone who is dying, this is unfortunate, because no one should have to die alone. With 3 or 4 other patients to care for, it is difficult to balance out the time spent with each patient. Tasks that normally take 5 minutes for a "normal" patient take 20 minutes for a TB isolation patient. And you better hope that you don't forget something, (or you'll have to call a coworker to bring supplies to you, which takes more time).

For this little lady, time was precious, more so than I thought.

I cared for Her one night, and we had a moment. She was clear mentally, and was talking with me, which didn't happen often. She had a terrible, productive cough, and I mentioned that it sounded like it hurt to cough. She asked me for an inhaler, "maybe that will help me." But I knew that was not the case. She was someone who valued truth and honesty, because She had experienced very little during Her short life. So, I told Her straight up: "I don't think that would help you hun." Then She said: "I'm dying." And went on to talk about "grandma" and would we call her tomorrow. She asked about "nana" and if "they" would be there and I'm not sure if She was meaning when She passed or literally there in the hospital.

Tears came to my eyes, but I was able to hold them in. She started to fall asleep again, and I told Her that I would stay with Her until She fell asleep, and She did very quickly.

* * *
I reported off that morning thinking that we had a good night. She and I had a good conversation, and connected.

When I got my assignment the next night, I didn't get Her back. I was actually a little upset that I wasn't assigned to Her. I was looking forward to talking with Her again. I wanted to make Her last few days comfortable and full of love. With some hand holding and brushing back Her hair. It was a lot of work, but I had a bond with Her that I wanted to continue. When I went to look to see who She was assigned to (to try to trade) She wasn't on the board. I was shocked. I thought for sure She had a few more days left in her.

Turns out She passed on a little after I left. And while that makes my heart lighten and smile, for She had so much pain, and needed so badly to rest, I was not ready for that to happen. I wanted to share a few more good times with her.

She will always leave a mark on me. The sometimes vulgar, frail girl, who aged way too quickly. A nurse I work with put it very well: her life was very short, but in so many ways She lived a very long, hard life. She partied too hard, too fast. And her mother was right there next to her through all of that. Funny that once Her mother found out that this hospitalization would be Her final resting place, she skipped out of town. She was there to cause her daughter's downward spiral, but not there to catch Her at the bottom. ("skipping out" and getting high are the only ways her mother would know how to cope...)

Before I cared for her, She was able to talk with the adoptive mom of Her only child. The adoptive mom said that Her little girl was healthy, smart, and HIV negative. A beauty. A wonder. A miracle. Her daughter has a chance in life that She never had. Love, support, and guidance. But most of all, a mother who will be there to catch her if she falls.

So, rest in peace my dear, you left your mark on the world.

Please note that facts have been changed to provide confidentiality.

Biopsy Blues

Well on Friday I had my thyroid biopsy. (If you missed my previous post about this, go here.) And compared to my previous biopsy, it really was not that bad. The worst part was the anxiety leading up to the biopsy.

I made sure to talk about my previous experience (trying not to cry) to let the ultrasound technician and the doctor know how terrible it was. I feel like the MD was trying as hard as he could to make this biopsy better than my last. He made sure to tell me to swallow before he put a needle in my neck (you don't realize how much you need to swallow until you are not allowed to), and he was very comforting.

Now it is day number 3 after the biopsy and you can barely tell that I had one done! Last time I had a ridiculous bruise all over my neck complete with large itchy welts! It was terrible. I ended up going to the MD to see if it was infected, and she told me it was an allergic reaction. We treated it with some topical cortisone to decrease the itching.

With a wedding less that 30 days away, I was ridiculously scared that this biopsy would maim my neck like it did last time. Fortunately, thus far, my neck is looking just fine!

The bad part is that the MD had to stop the biopsy before he wanted to, because blood was covering the area he was trying to get to. Ultimately he could no longer see the area he wanted to biopsy, so he had to stop. He said that he was 50% sure that he got a good enough sample. That doesn't make me feel very good...he said that I might need to have another biopsy. Which, if that is the case, I will not do until after my wedding.

I'm not sure if I want to find out the results before my wedding or not. I won't be doing anything about it before my wedding anyway, and I don't want to be burdened with the thought of either having to have another biopsy, or the thought of having cancer. However, if it is nothing, that would be a huge relief.

The results take 5-7 days to get back, so I won't be able to find out until next week. Which will give me enough time to get used to the idea of having cancer, or needing another biopsy. (Of course if it is neither I'll feel great!)

Cheesy Bread and Chili

Yesterday I was adventurous and decided (at 4 pm) that I wanted to make bread for dinner. I wanted it to be quick, easy and tasty. And found just that in my brand new cookbook! The best part of this recipe is that it used one bowl, I used my Kitchen Aid to stir and mix the dough...it was wonderful!!


Cheddar Batter Bread (From The Taste of Home Cookbook)Ingredients:-2 c. all-purpose flour
-2 tablespoons sugar
-1 package (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast
-1/4 teaspoon onion powder*
-1/4 teaspoon salt
-1/4 teaspoon pepper
-1 c. milk
-2 tablespoons butter
-1 egg
-1/2 c. cornmeal
-3/4 c. shredded cheddar cheese
Additional cornmeal1. In a large mixing bowl, combine 1-1/2 cups flour, sugar, yeast, onion powder, salt and pepper. In a small saucepan, heat milk and butter to 120-130*. Add to dry ingredients; beat until moistened. Add egg; beat on low speed for 30 seconds. Beat on high for 3 minutes.
2. Stir in cornmeal and remaining flour. Stir in cheese (batter will be thick). Do not knead. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 20 minutes.

3. Stir dough down. Grease a 9" x 5" x 3" loaf pan and sprinkle with additional cornmeal. Spoon batter into prepared pan. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 30 minutes.

4. Bake at 350* for 35-40 minutes or until golden brown. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack. Store in refrigerator.


*Instead of onion powder (something I don't have) I used garlic powder.
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This recipe also only took one dish. I really liked it, even though I didn't have most of the seasonings....it still turned out wonderfully! Since it is just Jamaal and I, I halved the recipe, and we still have plenty left over!)


Spiced Chili (From The Taste of Home Cookbook)
Ingredients:
-1-1/2 pounds ground beef
-1/2 c. chopped onion
-4 garlic cloves, minced
-2 cans (16 ounces each) kidney beans, rinsed and drained*1
-2 cans (15 ounces each) tomato sauce
-2 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) stewed tomatoes, cut up*2
-1 c. water
-2 bay leaves
-1/4 c. chili powder
-1 tablespoon salt
-1 tablespoon brown sugar*3
-1 tablespoon dried basil*4
-1 tablespoon Italian seasoning*4
-1 tablespoon dried thyme*4
-1 tablespoon pepper
-1 teaspoon dried oregano
-1 teaspoon dried marjoram*4
Shredded cheddar cheese, optional

(The cookbook had the preferred method as using a crock pot, but I didn't have 5 hours to make the chili, so I cooked it on the stove top, which was the "alternate" way.)


1. In a large pot or dutch oven, brown the beef, onion and garlic over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain.


2. Add the beans, tomato sauce, tomatoes, water and seasonings to the pot. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 45 minutes. Discard bay leaves.


*1: I did not have kidney beans, so I used pinto beans, which I actually really liked! Kidney beans can be a bit tough.

*2: I used diced stewed tomatoes

*3: I forgot to add this...I had it just missed it completely. Didn't notice until I started typing this that I had forgotten it.

*4: I did not have these seasonings, I added a little bit of Johnny's Seasoning to make sure that there was enough seasoning. It tasted great. Jamaal and I both agreed. (and actually both girls ate a little of Jamaal's left overs. And they liked it too!)
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We had this on Monday, and tomorrow (Wednesday) we will be having Chili Mac, a slight mesh between my favorite mac and cheese recipe and the chili. :D Yum!

I'm a brilliant dreamer

If you know me very well, you know that I have pretty regular, crazy, vivid dreams...last night is a prime example of that.

I decided to write a cookbook. This in itself isn't a crazy idea. Most people know that I like to make recipes up and create in the kitchen...but the crazy part was it just wasn't any kind of cookbook.

It was a cookbook slash erotic novel. And my good friend Seth Rogen was helping me to write it. Please do not ask why a person would put a recipe book and an erotic novel together. But I am hereby copyrighting the idea. Don't steal it from me.

A quick google search, and you can find some erotic food cook books, but this was different. there was story before each recipe, and after. It was like the best idea I'd ever had! And Seth Rogen agreed!! :D

haha...would you buy it??

My dramatic thyroid

Well, you might remember me talking about my problem thyroid, but if you want a refresher course, go here! The blog entries there are listed from most recent to oldest entry so if you prefer to read them in chronological order, start from the bottom.

Well my last ultrasound was in October of last year, and like I noted before my thyroid MD wanted me to have a repeat ultrasound in 6 months. So last week, I had another ultrasound done.

I went in to speak with my thyroid MD to review the results, and she said that the right side has pretty much stayed the same, so that she is not very concerned with that. However, the left side, while it has less fluid (and is therefore smaller) there is a larger solid component, which she feels should be biopsied to verify that it is not cancerous.

When I heard that, my stomach dropped. My last biopsy was the worst experience of my life. I refuse to go back to UWMC for it. Only because I know if I go there, I will have a resident perform the biopsy, and I'd much rather have a radiologist who has done several hundred biopsies that someone who has done a couple.

So I have an appointment on Friday at 1:30. I don't know how long it will take to get the results back...but I'm pretty nervous.