The waiting game

I knew it was silly of me to expect the same birth story with my second pregnancy as my first. I knew I was being optimistic imagining my water breaking at 38 weeks, yet again. My midwife called me last weekend, because she realized we hadn't talked about induction, and she was not going to be the one to see me at my next appointment. It was weird to get her call. But I refused. No induction for me. Don't you know what an induction means? More pain. More monitoring. More expectations, in less time. Equaling a higher chance of cesarean. 

Besides, it doesn't matter. I'm going to have this baby tomorrow. I've been having contractions. Sometimes to the point where I figure I will be woken up in lots of pain, and have to throw everything in the car. Call someone to either come over and sleep so Riley can be left in his bed. Or stow him away in his car seat and have someone take him away for us. Children really make this whole labor thing a bit more complicated. 

But a week went by and my cervix didn't change. And then I realized I was almost full term. Being gestational diabetic, I knew they were going to force me to be induced if I didn't agree to it anyway. And I started to realize I was tired of this whole situation. My ankles are huge. We're talking the size of grapefruits. And my calves are just as big. You know they're big when people comment on the size of them. As if I don't already know. I can't cross my legs, sit on the floor, wash my feet, paint my toenails, or wear any shoes except for flip flops that I bought two sizes too big. I can't even go to the bathroom without underwear dents in my legs afterwards. In some respect, I've hoped for elevated blood pressures just so they would have to induce me. But I'm thankful that it is not. Pre-eclampsia is very dangerous for both baby and mom, and I really do not wish it on anyone. But sometimes, in desperation, I've had these thoughts. 

Knowing that my midwife is on call on Tuesdays I called in this Monday to request an induction. They squeezed me in to be seen. The hospital requires a consent and a vaginal exam be done prior to scheduling anything. I was at about the same. Not much of a change. If any at all. They gave me an appointment at 7pm for the next day. 

We took Riley to his first theater movie. We visited with family. I called at 5pm as instructed, and was told that they anticipate getting me in later that night, but to call again at 7:30pm. My parents came and got him for dinner, as they will keep him overnight for us. And I call as instructed, and they are having a hard time finding the charge nurse. Can they call me back? After waiting for about 15 minutes, they call me back and tell me that they are just too full. But they could call me in the middle of the night, if I wanted. Or I could call them at 6am. No joke I sat on the phone for 8 minutes thinking about what I wanted. The lady on the other end explained my options a couple times, probably to fill the awkward silence as I thought. I would have the opportunity to see my midwife if I went in tonight. But she is off at 7 am, and would likely not be the one delivering my baby anyway. And in this situation we would have interrupted sleep, or none at all as I would be waiting for the phone call, trying not to sleep too deeply. But calling in at 6am? My midwife won't see me at all. It will be someone unknown to me. I hope that it is someone nice. But it is a big let down to know that Jennifer will not be there. I really trust her. She is fun and friendly and reminds me a lot of my other midwife who delivered Riley. And then there is the thought that I still might not get a time. This type of waiting is much much worse. I was already anxious about being induced. And now that anxiety is just prolonged. I have appointments on Thursday, and at this point I anticipate going to them. 

And finally, my mother-in-law postponed her work trip until Thursday so that she can be there for the birth. And now, I'm beginning to wonder if she will get to meet him or not. I have been a wreck ever since I got off the phone with the hospital. I went shopping this afternoon for some carbohydrates. I figured I would be craving them after the delivery, and would finally be able to eat whatever I desire. But again there is a delay. And then there is the heartburn that just won't go away. Ugh. I swear I never felt this over being pregnant with Riley. I guess that is what happens when you give birth a few weeks early. 

I hope to have a happy post up on here in a couple days, but for now you will have to deal with my pity party for one.